Taming the Beast Within

How often do you get angry? Do you find that you tend to get angry during the day? Or does your temper flare up in the evenings when you’re more likely to be feeling tired? Do you find that small, seemingly insignificant things can really make you mad? What pushes your buttons and triggers a hike in your blood pressure, a clenched jaw and barely suppressed irritation? What makes you angry?

Anger in all its forms flares up so often these days that we don’t even notice when it’s happening. It’s just another part of the day’s experiences and something we’ve grown accustomed to expect. We accept anger as a normal reaction to life’s constant round of frustrations. But one thing we can all agree on is that it is not good for us.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored

than to anything on which it is poured.

― Mark Twain

Have you ever felt better after giving in to your anger? Of course not. We usually feel emotionally drained, upset, guilty, out of control and stung by regret. Anger rarely serves any useful purpose. It robs us of our ability to think clearly. It puts us at a tremendous disadvantage. It throws us off balance and impairs our judgement. We don’t make good decisions when we’re angry. And why is this? Because anger owes its existence to fear. All anger can be traced to the fears that lurk beneath the surface of our conscious minds. Anger is nothing more than the defensive reaction we dredge up in response to our deeper fears and anxieties. And, for most of us, anger is a deeply-rooted habit that really deserves our best efforts in terms of addressing its effects and learning how to neutralise it.

Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.

― Roy T. Bennett

Have you ever kept track of how often you get upset or angry during the day? It can be a very sobering experience to note how many times you slip into anger mode. Not by choice, as if the reaction were a deliberate, conscious decision. But purely by habit. And that’s the most disturbing aspect of our anger. It seems to have a will of its own. It rises up without our permission and it has the power to overwhelm us.

If everything’s connected, we can understand immediately how dangerous this reaction can be to all areas of our lives. It can act like a toxic, corrosive poison that destroys some of the most important aspects of everything we hold dear. It can prove to be hideously destructive to our relationships. It can blight a career. If you’ve lived with someone who’s default position is anger, you’ll know how difficult it is to try to sustain the relationship.

Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Fortunately, there have been some remarkable advances in therapeutic techniques that can help all of us to take better control of our anger response. One of the simplest and most effective methods is to learn to consider alternatives every time you notice that you’re feeling irritated. The best question to ask ourselves is a simple ‘What if…’, an invitation to think about the consequences of getting angry and an opportunity to think about better, alternative ways of reacting. The heart of this approach is based on the powerful connection between the primitive part of the brain that generates the fear and anger responses and the more advanced pre-frontal cortex that allows to think rationally and see things more clearly.

As you engage your higher brain function with the simple question, ‘What if…’, you automatically turn down the stress response in the limbic system which allows you to feel more in control of your thoughts, feelings and reactions. Simple but surprisingly effective.

Anger is a paralysing emotion, you can't get anything done. People think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don't think it's any of that. It's helpless. It's absence of control and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers, and anger doesn't provide any of that. I have no use for it whatsoever.

― Toni Morrison

Of course, it’s also very helpful to recognise the absurdity that threads its way through life like a constantly recurring theme. Learning to acknowledge the hopeless absurdity of so many of our reactions encourages us to laugh and break the habit of taking ourselves too seriously. Laughter is a potent alternative to anger because fear can rarely survive in its presence. In most circumstances, our anger is usually best described as an over-reaction. Perhaps, we should also question whether our anger makes any difference to the situation. Or whether our anger is harming ourselves and those around us who have to witness our uncontrolled outburst?

Take a deep breath. Learn to spot the first hints of irritation that form the seeds of anger. Choose to feel in control of yourself. Acknowledge that you have the power to determine exactly how you wish to feel. Find an alternative way of reacting that’s based on remaining calm, centered, balanced and in control. The more you confront your anger and create openings for better, healthier and more effective responses, the happier you’re going to be.

Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

― Mitch Albom

Let’s face the simple fact: anger is a harmful reaction that springs up because there’s something within us that’s holding onto fear. Neutralise your anger. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Expose your fears to the light of reason. And free yourself from this pernicious poison forever.

Are you ready right now for a completely fresh approach to life’s great adventure? Get in touch with us today for a free session to discover how the growing global movement for personal growth, success, change and empowerment can enhance your life!

Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

You can contact Greg at:

[email protected]