Talks & Tapas - Food For Thought

My guest today, Stephen Karbaron, is a multifaceted man.?

I met Stephen through Professional Speakers Association Spain a couple of years ago, and today we both are part of the Executive Committee of the association, and we also have something else in common, conscious communication as a strong pillar in everything we do.

I invited Stephen to meet at my "local". The local is something I learned back in Ireland, where everybody has their local. ?? What is a "local"?, you might ask. A local is a place where everybody knows your name ?? ???? ?? (remember the song?) A "local" is your favourite place to go, close to your home (important), when you want to have a drink, nibble something, have a good conversation and relax.

My local is the Bar-Menudo in Sarrià, in Barcelona. It is located under a beautiful old tree, which has enormous branches which easily cover an area of approximately 100 square metres, I guess…??. Beautiful! And it is such a pleasure to sit under it with its generous and abundant leaves, to enjoy some yummy tapas and good conversations.

Stephen has been in business for over 25 years. Coming from a successful family retail business in the heart of London, then moving to property business, then transitioning to the music scene on his 30s, where he became a sought-after "Acid House" DJ. Then, moving to Russia at the age of 45 to successfully develop transformational projects for a big corporation in the role of Product Director, and then, some years later, moving to Spain, precisely Gavá, a city close to Barcelona, by the beach, to develop a way of living which would bring him "back home", back to himself, to a more conscious way of living…

I asked Stephen, "When did conscious leadership, conscious business, become part of your professional, and personal, life?"

Before he could answer, I suggested that we ordered first, as I wanted to be consciously present in our conversation, without distractions ??.

I ordered a Parmigiana de Berenjena (Aubergines Parmigiana), and Stephen asked for one of the specials of the day, Burrata con Naranja y Tartar de Salmón (Burrata cheese with orange and salmon tartar). And this time we decided not to share… ?? Well… it is allowed. ?? For drinks, I got my usual glass of red ??, a lovely Ribera del Duero ??, and Stephen was sticking to water, because he was driving… ??

Back to my question, Stephen answered, "looking back, I realise that the concept of conscious leadership was always present in everything I did in my life, however, only later in life, precisely when I moved away from Russia in 2016, did I put a name on it. It was when I got more into mindful practices."

He explained to me that the reason behind it was that in 2016 he had achieved his "materialist goal" of 10 years. And at an event while still in Russia, he realised that he didn't want to focus anymore on the "material aspect" of his life. He had achieved everything he aimed for in that respect, and he felt that it was time to change the focus toward his purpose in life, in business, on this planet.

At this point our food arrived - they looked yummy ?? - especially Stephen's Burrata, which looked gorgeous and delicious (hummm… I should've ordered that ??)

Stephen continued by telling me that he believes that (and I ? ?what he said) "the reason that he managed to get what he wanted, to have the opportunities he had in life, in business, in different countries, was due to conscious communication".

In other words, by being able to communicate his desires, ideas, projects clearly first to himself, then to people, to clients, to teams, to the Universe ?? he received what he wanted. ??

Ask, and you shall receive" Matthew 7:7-8 ??

The maxim is true! However, we need to know what we want in the first place. And THAT is the challenge many people face…

Shortly after that "realisation" Stephen moved with his family to Barcelona, well, Gavá, close to Barcelona. And I asked, "why Spain, why Barcelona?" His answer… "why not?" He continued, "well, there were one or two reasons why not, but, there were plenty of reasons why. So I moved here because I put life before work."?

Stephen advocates "life-work balance", instead of "work-life balance" (? it). However, this is a concept I adopted quite late in life. And I asked Stephen if he would agree that while people are building their careers, their reputation, expertise, and positioning themselves in the marketplace, when they are in their late 20s up to mid 30s, it is quite improbable that they will have the "life-work balance" focus. At least in my own experience at those times in my life, at that age, everything was pretty much towards work, work, work…. Who needs a life? ???

To me this concept only came with maturity, when my needs changed, therefore my priorities changed too. As for him, when he had his "insight" at the event in Russia and decided to change, he was already in his mid 50s…

He said,

"it is also about how we communicate our priorities. Because if you say work-life balance, work comes first so it has priority over life. Conversely, if you say life-work balance, definitely you will focus on life first."

Good point.

He also reminded me that studies show that the millennials and Gen Z are not putting up with the working system we, him and I, had to put up with while developing our careers. They exhibit distinct behaviours and attitudes when it comes to work, life-work balance, and values. They are purpose driven and prioritise personal well-being, mental health, and maintaining a healthy harmony between work and other aspects of life.?

It is true. Not too long ago, all those topics he mentioned were not openly talked about, and during my 30s when I was developing my career (working like a ??) those topics were completely alien, inexistent! Also, we have to observe that on a global scale, our relationship with life and work has considerably changed since the pandemic. To me, there is a before and an after pandemic in everybody's life…

I had finished my Parmigiana de Berenjena - which was delicious - but was still hungry ??, so I ordered an Ensaladilla Russa (russian small salad) to fill the gap ??. Stephen didn't want to join me so… all on me. ??

I asked Stephen if in his pursuit of building a new life in Spain, focused on the quality of it, he has had any regrets. Because, let's face it. Changing countries, to start a new life, with a family, with a young child, not speaking the language, is not a "sea of roses", as we say in my country. It can be quite tough!?

His answer, "absolutely not. I had made my commitment to myself to make it work, and there was no way back!". And he shared with me a short story he learned from Tony Robbins (yes, that big Tony guy), "when the vikings landed on any island, in any beach, to conquer the place, they burned their boats??. Why? Because there was no way back. They had to succeed, or perish".?

That made me remember something I heard once which I can make an analogy to this burn the boats concept. It was related to the famous plan B. I'm sure everyone has come across the concept that we always have to have a "plan B", or "something under the sleeve", or a "backup plan", etc. So, what I heard demolished all of those concepts (I could say burned them all??????), and it stated that "having a plan B might prevent us to give 100% of our focus and energy to our objective, because, by having something under our sleeve to rely on, we might not give everything we have to make it happen"....?

What is your view on that??

Mine is… depends… depends on the situation, circumstances, what is at stake… Well, it depends… I believe there are times where the strategy is to burn the boats, and there are times where we need to have some safety tools in our pockets.??

And, on an interesting note, Stephen revealed to me that while in Russia, in 2014 he developed a business to bring Russians to Tony Robbins events, and he told me that Tony's teachings were the first ones to unlock this door towards consciousness for him. You can like or dislike Tony, however, we have to agree that the man causes an important and significant impact in people's lives. He is a catalyser of change in many people's lives... ??

I haven't been to any of his events (have you?). I believe it might be a one of a kind experience… something to consider...

And, it was in one of his events, amongst a group of Russians, when Stephen realised that he had accomplished his ten year plan, and then one person in the group asked him, "what is the next plan for the next ten years Stephen?" , and he spontaneously answered, "I want to become a catalyst for world peace!" "WOW", I said, "this is a big and ambitious goal Stephen!" He agreed, and said jokingly, "I have to learn to keep my mouth shut!" ?? "Because", and he continued, "once you say it out loud, especially in front of others, you are made accountable, and that becomes your truth! "

Two months later, in another event, this time in London, he was asked the same question. Then, he realised that he wanted to be in front of people spreading this message. The obvious steps was to connect with people with similar values, vision and passion, and from there he started participating and creating in events on the topic of consciousness in life and business. Where he could spread his message about "being the catalyser for world peace" and inspire people to get involved and get together to become catalysers of those changes.

Saying that, Stephen is part of the team of the European Conscious Leaders Summit happening in Barcelona this June 29th and 30th (which I would love to attend, but unfortunately I can't this time), and he told me that, "the event is about learning how to do business consciously, in other words, it implies a human-centred, purpose-driven, ethical, and sustainable business that strives to benefit all."

IIt sounds quite interesting and challenging, I might say. Definitely we all need to change many of our paradigms in order to build a more sustainable and conscious way of living, and of doing business. And to me, it all starts from oneself, and the way we express ourselves to the world, and how we communicate with others.

At this point I had to stop Stephen and remind him to take a bite at his food ??. It was clear that he was so passionate about the topic that he completely forgot about his lovely Burrata (which was still grabbing my attention and reminding me that, next time, I should order one??). Our waiter came asking if we wanted to order more drinks, and Stephen asked for another bottle of water, and I… despite my desire… behaved, and didn't ask for another glass of wine… it was lunchtime and I still had some work to do in the afternoon… so, I passed…

After indulging himself with a few portions of his Burrata, Stephen returned to the conversation with a very interesting point with regards to conscious communication and the words we choose.?

He said, "We are here talking about conscious communication and I would like to point out the word mindset." He continued, "we have to stop using the word mindset." ?? "Why?" I asked. "Because it gives the meaning of something set, inflexible, rigid…If we have a specific short term goal, then having a mindset is important, because keep us focused on one direction", he said.?

"Ok…. go on", I said.?

"Instead, when we have our big goals, our life changing transformation goals, we should use mindflow. Because we need to be open to embrace new views, new possibilities, be adaptable, be in flow…"?

Interesting concept… And, on the note of conscious communication, that reminded me a quote from the Irish author, George Bernard Shaw,?

"The greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished"

I for one believe that the core reason of all our problems is mis, or lack of, communication. I also believe we should think before we speak. That we should listen more and speak less. This has to be a daily practice. It has to be a conscious work in progress. ??

Don't we all fall into the trap of "assumptions"??

When "communicating" many people are so focused on what they want to say that they forget to verify if the interlocutor, the listener, is in fact 1. Listening 2. Understanding…

??It is important to acknowledge that when in doubt, we need to ask if our interlocutor has in fact understood what we said, don't take it for granted. Miscommunication leads to misunderstandings that can lead to disasters.

??Remember: "Assumption is the mother of all fuckup!"

Time for dessert and coffee. ? No coffee, no dessert for me this time. Stephen ordered a café con leche de avena (coffee with oat milk). Two things I don't like, milk and oat ??

Well, "time to wrap up our conversation", I said.

I for one feel blessed to have found my path through supporting other professionals to tap into their authentic voice, so they feel confident and at ease every time they speak, in all contexts of their daily lives and interactions with others. By developing a more conscious way of communicating they create healthier and happier environments around them. They become better persons, better leaders, for themselves and for others. I can confidently say that "my people" learn how to speak and lead consciously. That makes a huge difference in their own lives, and in the lives of everyone around them. ??

I thanked Stephen for his time, his insights, for sharing his knowledge and experiences so openly and generously. Conversations like this really expand our horizons, our perceptions about the way we see and do things, our paradigms, our beliefs, they are always very uplifting and enriching, "thank again Stephen"!

He replied by saying... "remember that our truths are not everybody else's truth. What is one hundred percent true for me, can mean nothing to the other person, might not even be real in their life and experiences. And this is why being present, aware and self-aware when we are interacting with people, by becoming better listeners, more empathic and less judgemental, are the crucial skills we need to develop and implement daily in order to be able to communicate consciously"...

Well said Stephen, I second you on that. ?? And if I may add, "it is only when we (consciously) communicate from a standing point where our audience is what matters; that we focus on our message, not in ourselves; that we seek to understand first before responding; that we want to build bridges, instead of burning them; that we are definitely advancing towards the path of becoming a catalyser for good and positive impacts in this world, be it peace, or something else that uplift human kind.

Tulia ??

—------------------------------------------------------------------

Bar Menudo

Carrer Benet i Mateu 24, Baixos, 08034, Barcelona

2 Vichy Catalan 6,00

1 Copa Ribera del Duero 5,00

1 Café con leche de avena 2,30

1 Parmigiana de berenjena ? ? 10,00

1 Burrata con Naranja y Salmón? ? ? 14,00

1 Ensaladilla Russa 6,00

Sub-total ? ? ? ? ? 43,30

Tips 3,70

Total ? ? ? ? 47,00

—-------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm Tulia Lopes, Communication Architect. And I help professionals to get their message across, amplify their impact and feel confident every time they speak.?

If you are a leader who wants to break the barriers that are obstructing your communication with your teams, co-workers and managers to flow and build bridges instead, DM me. Or, click the ?? to be informed every time I share important curated teachings that will improve your communication and leadership skills. ??

?? Remember: #leadership starts from self-leadership, and #selfleadership is founded in a conscious communication foundation. ??