Talking Yourself UP!

Years ago I read a book "What to say when you talk to yourself" and here is a startling piece of data - researchers have suggested that:

77% of what we say to ourselves is negative, counter productive or works against us! Let that sink in - 3 out of 4 thoughts are negative! Houston - we have a problem!

I've mentioned before that I am doing a course called "Playing Big" which is based on the book "Playing Big" by Tara Mohr. It is one of those courses that allows you to repeat as many times as you wish and finally I am getting the time to not just participate but let it all soak in and it has been magical in transforming my thinking. I wanted to borrow a phrase from Oprah to share "What I know for sure"

1. Most of us think small. Recently I got an invite to speak at an event and I reached out to a friend to find out the going rates. When she told me my immediate reaction was - nope I can't charge that much! Then i remembered that I am doing this course and I took the time to breathe and check in with my inner mentor (read the book!), and I realized that I was falling into the familiar 'playing small' pattern. I had my bio up to attach to my response and the Inner mentor told me to read it out loud. At the risk of being immodest may I say that at the end of it I realized that yes I am worth it!
2. There are two types of people in this world - those who will affirm you and those who will make you doubt yourself. Weed, weed, weed! Sometimes my friends embarrass me with their support and affirmation but I am learning to soak in it instead of brushing it off. And, I am learning that there are people who will find the fault and exploit it. Don't get me wrong - I need people to point out errors and help me to improve, but I do not need people who find joy in doing so. I have also realized that those people who tear down are doing so because it is easier than building themselves up! I am learning to love those people from a distance and I mean a GREAT distance and to embrace those who provide affirmation.
3. Clap yourself! Recently someone sent me positive feedback on my debut novel and I shared it with a friend. Two days later she came back to me and said "These are really rich comments on your work Anne. Let them soak in!." The parts that resonated with me were "rich comments" and "let them soak in". When I get negative feedback I read and reread those comments, but when I get positive comments I smile and move on. My friend was encouraging me to really appreciate the gift that I had been given. That in itself was a gift!

I challenge you to start listening to what you are saying to yourself and then to challenge those words that you are saying to yourself. As the chorus that we sing in church asks "Whose report will you believe?" Believe the GOOD REPORT!