Talking About Sex and Money is not very “lady like”
Patrick Venn
Head Of Sales @ TL;DR & Speak On Podcasts | We build brave consumer brands. Our own and yours.
This week’s newsletter is being hijacked.
Usually written by Patrick, the Founder of TOMII, I, his wife am taking over, to share my thoughts on a subject I’ve been thinking and discussing a lot lately:
Women are really shining in all facets of business, cracking that proverbial glass ceiling once and for all, yet when it comes to their finances, most women haven’t yet harnessed their financial power.
Now if you identify as male, please don’t stop reading. Although the topic is focused on women in personal finance, to change the narrative, I strongly believe we all need to work together.
As a woman, in finance (I spent the last 7 years working in various front office roles in an Investment Bank), I worry that focusing on the negative aspects women face when it comes to their finances is one of the reasons women shy away from finance.
Sex and money, in particular, naturally tend to be more taboo topics. But even more so for women, who are taught, speaking publicly about sex and money isn’t very “lady like.”
To that notion, add the fact that sadly the gender pay gap has widened on the back of the pandemic*, our pensions tend to be lower, we live longer, we’re likely to spend more of our income and lives taking care of others (children, parents, etc.). Furthermore, factor in the rising cost of living and inflation eating away at cash savings, it really makes me think, what’s the point?
When I read about all that is stacked against women, I honestly don’t feel inspired to even bother.
I’d like to change this narrative. In the spirit of breaking glass ceilings, I want to challenge all of us to help break the outdated narrative. From the negative challenges to the positives that mastering your finances can give you.
Let’s Talk About It - F*ck Lady Like
First and foremost, as women, let’s encourage other women to discuss our financial situations, the good, the bad, the ugly. We should all feel it’s acceptable to talk about personal finance.
Just over the weekend, I went to my neighbors for a BBQ, and it was interesting to see how over time the women gravitated to one corner and men to the other near the BBQ itself. I hovered over to see what the conversation was like, and the men were discussing the recent downturn in the market and what their mutual fund strategy was like, whereas the women were sharing updates about their families and friends.
We should be chatting about personal finance too.
The next time you’re at a BBQ, or out with your friends for lunch or dinner, why not start a conversation about financial topics? Encourage everyone to share what they know about pensions, investments, estate planning, and what their financial goals are.
It’s okay if you go around the table, and don’t know much, or a few confess that they leave these types of things to their partners, or they may not even be okay to open up at all.
But slowly, and by supporting each other, we can begin to make talking personal finance between women, the norm. Think of it as a book club for your wallet. Maybe you can meet your friends once a month and everyone shares an interesting thing about their financial journey or a fact about personal finance.
Here’s my challenge to those who identify as male in the audience - share with your partners what you earn, how much is in your pension, and the passwords to the bank accounts.
What I mean by this.
Household financial responsibility typically falls to men. The only area around household finances women assume sole financial responsibility for is groceries and day-to-day spending; 60% of women living with their partner say they are responsible for this.
Whereas, when it comes to decisions about how money is saved, where it’s invested, managing credit cards and debt, and making large one-off payments and purchases like holidays and cars, less than 40% of women assume these financial responsibilities**.
If the pandemic has taught us one thing, it’s the need to be prepared for the unexpected. Life can be flipped upside down in a matter of minutes.
Being aware of your finances, and being part of the decision making process is the most empowering feeling. Not to mention tracking progress to your financial goals. It’s orgasmic!
Every couple manages their finances differently - and that’s perfectly fine. The key is to be aware of each others’s finances and jointly make decisions.
For example, my husband and I have a mix. We each have our individual bank accounts and investments, while also managing joint accounts for our household expenses. Even though we may manage some of the money individually, we are very involved with each other’s finances.
Each month, we do something called life dinner (Patrick wrote an article about it?here , if you’re curious to learn more). At the life dinner, we exchange our finances. He updates me on his savings, investment and pension accounts and I do the same. We check in to see if we’re both still happy about our financial goals and how we are managing as a couple. We also make sure that we’re still each happy with each other’s investment plan and strategies.
Not to be morbid, but if anything were to happen to one of us tomorrow, the other knows where all the accounts are, the passwords, and where legal documents to the business and joint assets are kept.
Talking about money doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. Being in the know doesn’t mean you have to spend hours learning complicated financial models and lingo, and it certainly isn’t reserved for 1 gender.
Don’t overwhelm yourself by having these conversations all at once. Start off slowly and over time you’ll be able to cover all the bases. Make it less daunting by involving your friends. And make it okay to ask questions. All questions, no matter how big or small.
Flexible working is not just for women...
Here’s another narrative I see that drives me crazy - flexible working is really mostly asked for by women!
This narrative has grave long-term consequences for everyone. Let’s play this narrative out:
If flexible working is only something women are asking for, then women will fear that asking for flexible work arrangements could damage their reputation (they aren’t serious enough), and ultimately affect their career prospects. Many men may not approach their bosses about flexible work for the fear of looking weak.
We need to stop this.
Both MEN and WOMEN can BENEFIT from FLEXIBLE WORK ARRANGEMENTS.
This initial gender pay gap (17%) remains largely unchanged until men and women reach their thirties, but doubles to 34% by the time they are in their forties. The gap increases to 51% in the fifties age bracket, and then to 56% at retirement***.
There are several factors that contribute to the gender pay gap. One of the reasons why the gap begins to widen after 30 between men and women, is because around this age people begin to choose to have families.
Maternity leave contributes to lower pension contributions, but so does the lack of sufficient flexible work options.
Research suggests that women typically reduce their working hours or leave the workforce completely (if flexibility isn’t an option) to care for children, while men typically continue their career progression and pension contributions during this time.
Depending where you are based, child costs can be a huge portion of your spend. In some cases it is actually more economical for one partner (typically the woman) to resign from work and stay home with the children.
领英推荐
Coming from the archaic world of investment banking, I used to hear a lot of negative talk about women asking for flexibility in the workplace to support childcare requirements.
“Did you see she left today at 4 to pick up her kid from nursery? What a joke!”
“HR has agreed to let her work 4 days a week, the rest of us will have to pick up her slack. I don’t even know why she’s here”
“Honestly, just get a nanny to raise your kid, don’t we pay you enough?”
With both genders having flexible work options, we can seriously change this narrative.
Imagine both parents can choose to work from home a few times a week or even fully remote.
Maybe then women no longer have to drop off or decline afternoon meetings to rush to pick up kids from nursery, but instead both parents can adjust their schedules to help each other out.
Maybe less women will be incentivized to leave the workforce, as they’ll spend less on childcare costs.
Why is this so important?
If both men and women are asking for flexible work, it takes away the stigma of being weak and not serious about the job or one’s career. It allows partners to create a more supportive childcare system, thus making it less likely that someone has to slow down their career or walk away in general.
This also has a massive impact on women’s long-term salaries and pension contributions. Further empowering women on their financial journey.
Flexible work options are for EVERYONE.
My challenge to all the leaders out there, all business owners, employees, and every day people:
When you hear someone say “flexible work is really just for women” challenge that sentence. Share some positive anecdotes about why flexible working can benefit everyone. And gentlemen, ask for flex - no it is definitely not weak!
Conclusion
The way we speak to ourselves and others matters. Women tend to have more challenges they need to face and account for when it comes to personal finance. But instead of focusing on the negative, let’s be more positive.
Let’s encourage women to openly talk about their finances. Let’s bring them into the conversation.
Let’s start looking for some solutions to address the challenges and ways we can sport one another instead of always just noting down the depressing facts.
I believe, if we spin the conversation in a more positive light, more women will be encouraged to work on their finances.
If you’ve made it this far, I want to say thank you for reading ???
If you have any comments or ideas please feel free to share them in the comments section or you can reach out to me directly [email protected].
If you’re up for just having a chat about finances and your personal finance journey, send me an email. I’m always up for a coffee, or a Zoom date!
???Basia &?TOMII Tribe
What We're Listening to ??
Paula is part of the FI community, and frequently shares some great advise on money management, mindset and habits to building long-term wealth. In this episode she responds to some great reader questions and shares great tips on investing over the long-term.
What We're Pondering ??
Many of us grew up in homes where the father figure managed the household finances. If we taught personal financial systems in schools, would it change the way we thought about who manages money in relationships? Would it create confidence with money and therefore more equality in relationships?
What We’re Reading ??
Full disclosure - I have not read this yet. But I was recommended this book by a friend and really interested in getting started. Jen Sincero is a New York Times best selling author, and the books promises to be an easy read, funny relatable, and not very preachy like some self-help books have a tendency to be.
Sources:
Social Media Marketing Manager? MSc - Brunel University London?CET - Wembley Stadium?Remotely Evolving International Brands ? Next-Gen Community Builder ? Social Media Community Management ? Google Analytics
2 年I'm glad that Basia hijacked it and rendered her precious words through this article. Our world is in dire need of change. Usually, we talk about change, but we never try to be the one we want to see in the world. This article has shed light on crucial issues, especially where it mentioned, "Coming from the archaic world of investment banking, I used to hear a lot of negative talk about women asking for flexibility in the workplace to support childcare requirements." However, fortunately, I've come to know people like you who lead by example and make our society a better place by breaking the stereotype traditions. Excellent piece of writing! ?