Talking our way through tough times

We learn to talk from an early age, using our voice to communicate, express ourselves, and learn new skills. But over the last 12 months, talking has become even more important to help us all come together throughout challenging times.

“We’re not all in the same boat, but experiencing the same storm”

Whether it’s money or job worries, concerns about the health of our families and friends, or the feeling of mourning for the loss of a previous way of life, we’ve all had a lot to think about over the past year – and for some, these worries came on top of existing internal struggles.

So people started to talk – and talk more often. Verizon said that they were handling an average of 800 million mobile phone calls a day, which is more than double the number usually made on Mother’s Day – one of the busiest call days of the year. And in the UK, TalkTalk reported that the number of calls being made had increased by 50% since the start of the Coronavirus outbreak.

During lockdown, myself and my mates regularly held Zoom quizzes, each taking it in turns to host and write the questions. But from this, we decided to go one step further and start our own football podcast – 4 Mancs, 1 Toffee. Not only does it provide a brilliant way for us all to keep in touch, it’s also been a fantastic outlet for sharing our thoughts and feelings. When we’ve had a particularly challenging week and aren’t feeling 100%, we know that jumping on the call to talk to each other always makes us feel much better.

We asked members of the PHMG Impact Group to tell us about how talking helped them to manage and improve their mental health over the last 12 months.

During the first lockdown, quarantine was definitely a shock to my system being the social butterfly that I am. I have an incredibly inspiring and supportive group of friends, and all 10 of us have spent every summer together for the past decade, along with regular meet-ups through the year for us to catch up and act like teenagers again. You could say our time together is a way for us to escape normality for a while through talking, dancing, laughing and singing together.

Our favorite way of staying in touch during lockdown was through weekly Sunday Zooms, when each of us would host a quiz. Many of the quizzes were movies and music-based, which gave us a chance to reminisce about how we grew up together, and we’d also share books that had been helping us stay positive and motivated. Now the books I read really help me on a spiritual and personal level.

One interesting thing about our friendship is that around 7/10 of us have birthdays between April-June, meaning pre-2020, there was always an event every weekend for at least 5 weeks – so this year was hard not to and celebrate the way we’re used to. To make up for this, we’d send deliveries on each other’s birthdays, and spend countless hours on group FaceTimes together. All of us have had our difficulties in life and we’re constantly learning from each other. It’s rare that a friendship group can be so big and last this long, but open communication has been the one thing that all of us have continued to do with each other. There is strength and courage in turning to someone you trust and admitting that you’re not okay – that you’re feeling negative, hopeless, and stuck. When times are hard we come together as a unit and support the ones struggling, and when times are great, we celebrate one another. The one thing that’s kept us going is that when we can finally reunite as a group again, we’ll all have a reason to have a BIG celebration.

Quarantine was a huge adjustment that I personally wasn’t prepared for – I rarely used to spend time hanging around my apartment or just relaxing. There was always something to do and somewhere to be – but that quickly changed in March. Honestly, I probably would have lost my mind if it wasn’t for my roommates Kaitlyn and Anyela.

I was lucky enough to be stuck inside with two of my best friends. It was still a big change for us, because the three of us have never been home together for longer than a few hours, and suddenly we were all at home full time – so there was a lot of adjusting to make. They’re the reason I wasn’t having a hard time with the isolation. We tried to make the best out of it by taking walks every day, cooking new things, cleaning out our closets, Zooming our friends, and even starting an Instagram for my cat. We tried to get outside as much as possible by either riding bikes through the city or going to a park, which isn’t something we did pre-pandemic.

The time in quarantine in a large city really made me start appreciating smaller things, like walking by the lake with coffee and just sitting with my roommates by the beach. I’ve realized that even now things are getting back to normal, and we’re going into the office and being busy again, that it’s okay to just take time for myself to enjoy doing nothing.

Sometimes doing less could be the best thing you can do for your mental health. You don’t need to speak to tons of people or constantly be on the move. I used the first lockdown to look within and start working on my mental health in-depth. I reached out to my GP to start working through the anxiety and PTSD I struggle with. It took a couple of attempts to find the person I felt safe and comfortable with, but I didn’t let it discourage me. Soon enough, I started working with an amazing professional who can guide me through my mental health journey and from whom I can learn all I need to lead a life filled with joy, more self-awareness and less anxiety.

We still see stigma around reaching out to psychologist or psychiatrist, or going through therapy, and I really think it’s important to show that this isn’t something to feel ashamed of. It can feel scary, but it doesn’t have to be! Think of it as deep tissue massage for your mind – it’s exciting! Whether it’s anxiety, depression, PTSD or just managing your stress better – different types of help are there, and all you need to do is start.

If you don’t feel ready yet there’s loads you can do on your own. Search for tutorials on YouTube about CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), and read articles you can find (preferably written by professionals). Having frank conversations with your friends and/or family to see if others are going through similar things is also a great way to start your journey towards better mental health. And practicing mindfulness is another tool I found extremely helpful and effective. Try meditation apps such as Calm as a start, and see where it leads you!

Talking is incredibly important so here are some contact details if you need to get in touch with someone - talking is the first step:

• NAMI Chicago: 1-833-626-4244