Talking & Listening like Selling & Buying

I believe when we confront ourselves and our ideas with other people, we should be assertive: this will force us to check what we want to express both in the content and in the form.

When you act with assertiveness however you may sometimes be considered aggressive, especially if the people around you don't have much initiative and might fall into groupthink. As a matter of fact, if you present yourself too tidy and straight, some people may not be prepared. Therefore, to bring ideas to reality you must make a double effort: be assertive and make people around you involved and interested as in the typical buy-and-sell scenario.

I often work to interest and involve other people to "buy", and this gave me a helpful method in any type of relationship, even non professional.

Selling and Buying then: we are not talking about a technique, but a method. There is no formula to sell, no matter what you heard by the guru influencer of the moment. Real sales experts are often wary about winning formulas. Otherwise, they mostly write about what to listen, where to look at and watch, how and what to ask. In other words they describe an attitude for which assertiveness is a good ally, and that must be always practiced and refined.

So, if you really place the customer in the middle i.e. the person to whom you are presenting your idea, first you must know her/his needs and expectations: this is the first step to grow his/her involvement and interest in something.

Involving people means we must be active listeners, asking question and quikly processing the answers we get, to ask new questions: the more we listen, understand and know about a matter, the stronger would be our contribution to sort it out. And if we do it together with our "customer", she/he will definetely be involved.

This is not simple, nor easy, but listening to people before talking to them is an interesting and compelling activity. And sometimes it can be fun too.

So even if assertiveness maybe swapped with aggressiveness, if you also find your way to involve people, you would raise your chances to solve someone else's problems through your ideas. And you can begin just listening.