Talking with Her

Yesterday I was talking with a dear friend of mine who has known me for many years about the amount of feedback people give me. She told me that she has seen me evolve and grow so much over the years and in spite of all the feedback I receive, most of which is unsolicited, is that I am always so graceful about it. I have always said feedback is a gift, however lately I have been wondering, is it?

It got me thinking as I have and have had some many coaches, mentors, peers, friends and so forth give me amazing feedback and advice over the years. Some of it really valuable and so of it not valuable at all. Most of the time I embraced and learnt something. At the end of the day I know we are all trying to help each other.

Ultimately you know what really matters; the guidance and advice I give and trust with myself.

Today, I am a 47 year old woman and CEO of a small company who is also a full time single mum of a 17 year old daughter who has had severe anxiety and depression over the past 4 years (she has now turned a massive corner) and what advice and feedback would I give her.

If I could go back on time to my teenage years, my 20’s, and 30’s and even early 40’s; what would I say to her if we were sitting having a coffee (or a wine or two!)? Even today I reflect everyday and ask myself questions about who I am and if I am staying true to myself.

Trust yourself. Believe in yourself. Be yourself. Keep it real.

So I wanted to write some tips and insights around how to stay true to myself a leader, mother and woman.

1.    It’s okay not to be cool.

Whatever cool means. We don’t need to fit in and follow the tribe. Own that you are cool and unique in your own way and just follow your own path.

2.   Be FREAKIN courageous. Life is way too short.

I really wish I had taken more risks and said YES a lot more. There is so much opportunity in this world. I am now focus on being the most courageous person I know. I wake up everyday and jump out of bed and say to myself what risks am I going to take today!

3.   Whatever happens, know it is part of your journey. Trust yourself and your intuition.

Trust the process and journey of life and know that you will be okay. We only get given what we can handle. Things do happen for a reason. Embrace all the lessons, learning’s and stuff ups and always learn from it. Trust yourself always and learn to listen to what your intuition is telling you.

4.   Success does not mean money or nice things, it means significance and meaning.

I used to think I would be a success if I was earning a great salary, had a massive company and I was driving a cool car (it is actually a cool little VW); it’s far from it. Success and meaning to me means having an impact. And by the way I don’t have a massive salary or company, and I am really happy with my success, significance and meaning in my life and business about having an impact to others.

5.   Learn leadership and self-reflection early on.

I loved my degree and it gave me a great base for my career. However what I use more so than my degree is my research, readings and education in the leadership space and how to be self-aware. Just be the best version of you and that takes a lot of courage, leadership and self-awareness.

6.   Don’t let people pull you down and focus on lifting people up.

Massive lesson here for me to let go of people who don’t serve me or bring me down. I have had to let go of a lot of people in my life and it is empowering. In turn, I strive to lift and empower everyone I can along my path to help them see the greatness within.

7.   We are not perfect and don’t need to have all the answers.

I am far from perfect (whatever perfection means) and I love it. I also now embrace I don’t have all the answers and it does not matter. Perfection does not exist.

8.   Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet (and being a working parent makes it even more interesting)

I truly thought I was Wonder Woman and could do this single parenting gig whilst growing a business easily. I was wrong. Guest what, it is okay to ask for help. Just so you know my house is a mess and I don’t care as long as we are healthy and happy. Don’t be a super hero. Be the best you can be and it is okay not be get it right all the time.

9.   Be the kindest and bravest person you know. Love yourself! 

Can I share something with you – it starts within. Be kind, compassionate and brave within you. When we are kinder to ourselves, we are kinder to others. The one thing I will never let go and it is feedback I get from a lot of people, it that my strengths are the kindness and bravery I show others.

Talk to yourself as you would to someone you love.

10. It does not matter how you look and don’t compare.

For years and years I used to worry about my looks and weight especially in my 20’s. Today I can see the grey hair coming through and my jeans getting tighter by the minute (slight exaggeration). I look in the mirror (which has a dozen affirmations taped to it) and laugh and slightly freak out but then I think to myself that I am here today looking as beautiful as ever in my eyes. In turn I need to be a role model for my daughter and it is important we do not compare ourselves to others.

I would love to know what you would say to your younger self if you could go back to different times in your life and share a coffee with him or her?

I am about to launch incredible online Courageous Leadership Self Paced and Group Coaching programs. If you would love to know more contact me here.

Remember you got this! Sonia x