Talking Heads

There are a lot of people I know who like to talk. There are plenty of semi colons. But no full stops. And they’re good at it. Until they’re asked to talk in public. Then there’s hesitation. Iff-ing and butting. Silence.

As Mark Twain said: “There are two types of speakers. Those who get nervous and those that are liars.”

And there’s often no way round it. Or over it or round it. It’s a Bear Hunt and we’ve got to go through it.

The chink of spotlight we all need is that there are some things that might help.

I was a reluctant performer in a band, playing on stages too small to fit me and the piano on, and stages big enough to get lost on. It was a formative experience for facing audiences.

Often the best way to prepare yourself for speaking, is to listen. To other people talking. Or to music. Like putting your favourite record on to get ready for a big night out.

So, bear with me as I talk you through ‘my soundtrack’.

Song 1 Your Song

I overheard my daughter’s first piano lesson. She played quietly. I held my breath. There were bum notes. A few pauses. A beauty in the cadence. And then James said: “ah, lovely – ‘Eadie-style’”. He’d not taught her a note and she’d already learned something important. She could play. In her way.

I’d be lying if I said I’d never listened to Martin Luther King’s I’ve been to the mountaintop or Martin Sheen imploring us to believe in something or Neil Kinnock’s famous I warn you speech, or Michelle Obama in when they go low we go high and wanted to emulate their passion.

But when it comes down to it, it’s just me talking. And often that’s been good enough. Playing my own song.

Song 2 The Winner Takes It All

I remember when the singer in my band walked on like a winner. “Hello Wembley”. ?All arms in the air like she didn’t care and belted out the songs.

I didn’t. I forgot the chords to the song. And I learned a painful lesson.

Neuroscience shows that mental rehearsal is nearly as good as the real thing. Imagining the room. Seeing the audience in your minds eye. Running through what you say. The way you want to say it. Or in my case play it.

I’d spent the hour before our big gig pacing between the coaches backstage at Wembley. Talking the singer down from near panic at the prospect of the big stage that terrified us. I poured myself into helping her. It worked, for her. But not for me. I arrived at the piano with no thought, and it tripped me right up. I can still feel my jelly arms and legs in that moment.

You’ve got to find the time to give yourself a good talking to. Before walking on like a winner.

Song 3 Don’t Look Back In Anger

I’ve often noticed two sorts of Newsreader. Those that mess up once but carry on unflapped. And those that carry on messing up, like a mortifying run-trip-run down the pavement.

I asked Louis, my son, the acrobatic gymnast how his squad styles out the stumbles. He said they’re always told not to look back, not to look forwards. And it works. The smile stays on, the show goes on and minimal marks are lost. Often the audience forgets, none the wiser.

A simple mantra. But not that easy in the moment since the human brain wants to stop and process – “what the bloody hell went wrong there then?”, and distraction creates another cock-up.

Just promising yourself to think through any mess ups after the gig might do the trick.

Song 4 More Than Words

I did a talk at an awards ceremony with a 10 year old primary school pupil recently and as the grown up in the room I asked him if he was looking forward to it. He said he wasn’t, but he was talking because he wanted to thank his teammates for helping him to make his idea into a beautiful film. And then he stood there. In the big theatre. No notes. No wavering. Thanking them all by name. One by one.

It wasn’t about him. It was about what he wanted to say. Small with a big voice.

Song 5 Never Ending Story

Journalist Arwa Mahdawi ? here compares the tragedy of a Greek shipwreck in June 2023 where hundreds of people tragically died, with the huge media spotlight on 5 people who died on their way to visit the wreck of the Titanic.

“It’s hard to get your head around those numbers, isn’t it? It’s hard to absorb that amount of anguish. And that’s precisely the problem. If you find yourself more captivated by the story of five rich people in a submersible rather than the 750 people who sank on a fishing trawler, it’s not because you’re a bad person. It’s because it’s human nature to feel overwhelmed by suffering at scale; it’s called psychic numbing . As the saying goes, one death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic”.

So, stick with the stories when you’re doing the talking and take yourself out of the limelight at the same time.

Don’t shy away from emotion. All humans, the most technocratic of us all think with head and heart. As Jenny Rogers says, “what the neuroscientific research shows without a shadow of doubt is that it is emotions that drive human behaviour…All our most important decisions…are made on a feelings basis and later justified with rationality.

It’s the story that will stay with the audience long after you’ve come down from the relief of getting off the stage.

Song 6 Say Something

Sometimes it is not best to say nothing at all.

Here are some words from my Ted talk .

‘I will always remember being at a family funeral and there we were at the wake, eating egg sandwiches and sausage rolls that nobody fancied, and we were waiting for someone to say a few words.

To (just) say: “we’re sad that she’s died. Because we really loved her. And she would have been so chuffed that you were all here today. So, let’s raise a pint to her life”.

But nobody did. And it’s always stayed with me. Unspoken words. Unconfidence. And a missed moment to mark a life.’

The need for words, can get me over my nervousness, almost completely.

Like needing to change the world for missing people and their families. So that missing is seen as a crisis and a life and death issue. That people get the right help and the right time. And that fewer people get harmed.

The mission is bigger than any of us. Feeling nervous and saying nothing isn’t good enough.

Song 7 Shine

As the daughter of an electrician, a re-wire really appeals to me. It takes a bit of time, like re-wiring a house, but the lights shine brighter.

How can we re-wire our thinking when it comes to speaking in public?

I’ve re-wired the word ‘speech’ to ‘talking to people’.

I’ve re-wired: ‘what if I forget the next chord and go to jelly? To ‘what if I forget the chords and then carry on.’

From: ‘I’m not a great orator’, to: ‘I can move a room full of people.’

And that’s good enough for me. Liberating even.

Song 8 I Try

All talking is connecting to people. All singing is the same. Telling a story. Saying something important.

It’s not really about you.

And if we stumble and fall, we can always ask others to help us out. And even if people won’t sing along like Lewis Capaldi’s fans at Glastonbury, it’s good to remember the crowd, big and small are fellow humans, not big bears out to get us.

I watch this and it brings me to tears. It’s all about the story. Kindness. Connection.

Someone You Loved

Secret track

I’ve always loved the idea of a secret track at the end of an album.

In fact, I’ve been singing Absolute Beginners ?throughout writing this, quite apt as that’s often the way I feel before talking.

Try adding the song that most boosts you.

The soundtrack you’d walk on to before making the speech. Stay authentic. (Dancing Queen didn’t cut it for Theresa May).

Mine? Well, that might be Titanium .

But, in all honestly - I owe most of my best performances to Independent Love Song

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