TALKING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA USE - 1st Edition

As a Pediatric Psychologist, I do not recommend that children be on social media until late adolescence. Research consistently shows that early exposure to social media can negatively affect emotional development, mental health, and self-esteem. However, despite these findings (and my sincere efforts in convincing parents to refrain from giving their children access to social media early), many parents feel immense pressure to allow their children to use social media earlier than they might like. Peer influence, fear of exclusion, and the desire to keep up with current trends all contribute to this pressure.

?While I don’t condone social media use before late adolescence, I feel a deep sense of responsibility to provide parents with guidance on how to handle this complex issue. It is important to approach the topic with informed decision-making and open conversations with your children. This guide offers insights into how parents can engage with social media platforms, experience the apps firsthand, and provide psycho-education for their children.

?STEP ONE: Parents Should Use the Apps First and Get Familiar with the Impact of Use

?Before your child jumps into the world of social media, it’s crucial that you familiarize yourself with the platforms they want to use. Experiencing these apps will give you a clear picture of both their benefits and potential pitfalls, enabling you to speak from experience when discussing social media with your children.

?By using the apps for a period of time, parents can:

·????? Understand the addictive nature of the platforms, where endless notifications and content can keep users hooked.

·????? Recognize automatic thoughts that arise when opening the app. What draws you in? Do you feel a compulsion to check notifications or scroll mindlessly?

·????? Feel the emotional responses tied to the apps—whether positive (entertainment, connection) or negative (comparison, anxiety, feeling drained, excessive need to shop/consume resources).

·????? Evaluate the aftereffects of prolonged use. Do you feel productive and engaged, or has the time drained your energy and focus?

?This firsthand clinical experience, backed by research, will allow you to better explain the emotional and psychological impact of social media to your children. Once you have an understanding of each app, it’s time to provide psychoeducation for your child and set boundaries.

?STEP TWO: Provide Education and Pitfalls for Each App

?Different social media platforms have unique designs, features, and pitfalls. Below, I’ve broken down key psycho-education points and potential risks for three of the most popular apps used by teenagers: Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok. Additionally, I’ve included questions to help guide the conversation with your child.

Snapchat

?Psychoeducation:

Snapchat’s appeal lies in its temporary messaging, playful filters, and Snapstreaks. It promotes quick interactions, which can sometimes feel more casual and fun than other social platforms. However, the fleeting nature of messages may encourage risky behavior, as teens might believe their content is not permanent.

·????? Explain the app’s design: Discuss how Snapchat’s “disappearing messages” might give a false sense of security. Just because a message disappears doesn’t mean it can’t be screenshotted or saved.

·????? Pitfalls: Many teens face peer pressure to maintain Snapstreaks, which can cause stress and even lead to distractions during important tasks like studying. The app also encourages a high volume of brief interactions, potentially limiting deeper, more meaningful conversations.

·????? Why do they want it? Ask your child what they like about Snapchat. Are they drawn to the filters, the fun of Snapstreaks, or staying connected to friends?

·????? Safety management: Teach your teen to use privacy settings to control who can view their snaps and how to block unwanted contacts.

?

Personal Experience & Research:

Parents can share how Snapchat made them feel after trying it. Research shows that temporary messaging can foster impulsivity. Explain that you felt pressure to respond quickly or maintain streaks, and discuss studies that highlight how Snapchat’s design keeps users engaged, often leading to addictive behaviors.

Instagram

?Psychoeducation:

Instagram focuses on image and video sharing, where users curate a polished version of their lives. It can be a creative outlet but also promotes comparison culture, which can be damaging to teens’ self-esteem.

·????? Explain the app’s design: Instagram’s “likes” and follower counts create a social hierarchy that can deeply affect self-worth, especially during adolescence.

·????? Pitfalls: Comparison with influencers and peers can lead to feelings of inadequacy. The desire for validation through likes and comments can foster an unhealthy preoccupation with appearance and popularity.

·????? Why do they want it? Ask your teen what they hope to gain from using Instagram. Are they excited to share their interests, connect with friends, or follow certain influencers?

·????? Safety management: Educate your child on the importance of privacy settings and how to manage who can see their posts. Encourage discussions about following accounts that promote positivity and authenticity.

?

Personal Experience & Research:

Parents can explain how scrolling through Instagram felt after extended use. Research suggests that prolonged exposure to idealized images on Instagram can lead to lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression and anxiety, especially in teenagers. Discuss how you may have noticed feelings of comparison and envy creeping in, even if unintentionally, and how easy it is to lose track of time while browsing.

TikTok

?Psychoeducation:

TikTok’s short-form videos are designed to grab attention quickly and keep users hooked with its advanced algorithm that tailors content to individual interests. While this fosters creativity, the platform’s fast-paced nature can also contribute to an addiction to endless scrolling.

·????? Explain the app’s design: TikTok’s algorithm is powerful in delivering content that aligns with users’ preferences, which can lead to binge-watching. The app encourages users to keep consuming videos, which can be difficult to manage.

·????? Pitfalls: Some content may be inappropriate or harmful, even if it appears harmless at first. Additionally, the quick gratification of likes and comments can lead to dopamine spikes that foster dependency on the platform.

·????? Why do they want it? Ask your teen why they are drawn to TikTok. Are they interested in creating content, following trends, or watching funny videos? Understanding their motivation will help guide the conversation.

·????? Safety management: Discuss the importance of managing screen time and encourage your child to use the “digital wellbeing” settings to limit their exposure to harmful content. Talk about reporting inappropriate videos and setting healthy boundaries around usage time.

?

Personal Experience & Research:

Parents should explain the emotional experience of using TikTok. Research shows that the app’s rapid-fire content can lead to a “dopamine loop,” where users seek continuous stimulation without pause. Parents can share how using TikTok led them to experience mood shifts, from amusement to fatigue, and how difficult it was to stop watching. Additionally, studies have noted that overuse of TikTok is linked to issues like shortened attention spans and heightened anxiety.

STEP THREE: Questions to Ask Per App

?Once you’ve gone through these apps yourself and discussed the psychoeducation points, ask your child specific questions to explore their intentions and potential concerns about social media use.?

Snapchat

·????? What do you know about Snapchat’s disappearing messages?

o?? Explore their understanding of privacy and how messages can still be saved or shared.

·????? Why do you want to use Snapchat, and how often do you plan to check it?

o?? Gauge their motivations and whether they feel pressure to maintain streaks or constantly be available.

·????? How will you manage who gets to view your snaps?

o?? Discuss the importance of setting boundaries around who they interact with on the platform.

·????? How will you deal with any peer pressure around using the app?

o?? Encourage them to think critically about how they’ll handle Snapstreaks or pressure to send certain types of photos.

?

Instagram

?·????? What kind of accounts do you plan to follow, and why?

o?? Help them choose positive influences and avoid toxic content that promotes comparison or unrealistic body standards.

·????? How do you plan to respond if you don’t get as many likes as you expect on a post?

o?? Talk about the role of validation in social media and how to develop confidence independent of social approval.

·????? How will you manage your time on Instagram?

o?? Help them set healthy boundaries to avoid becoming consumed by the app, particularly when schoolwork or other responsibilities are affected.

·????? How will you stay safe while sharing personal content?

o?? Teach them how to control who can see their posts and the importance of not oversharing personal details.

?

TikTok

·????? Why are you drawn to TikTok, and what type of content do you enjoy watching?

o?? Understand their interests, whether it’s dancing, memes, or educational content, and discuss the diversity of material on the platform.

·????? What will you do if you see content that makes you uncomfortable?

o?? Prepare them to report inappropriate videos and discuss how certain content may affect their mood or worldview.

·????? How will you manage your time on TikTok to avoid overuse?

o?? Encourage them to set limits on how long they spend watching videos and teach them to take breaks to protect their mental health.

·????? How will you decide what content is appropriate to share?

o?? Help them understand the importance of thinking critically about what they post and how it may be received by others.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Supporting Your Child’s Social Media Journey

?Though I do not recommend early social media use, if your child is already engaging with these platforms, it’s crucial that parents remain deeply involved. By sharing your experiences, offering psychoeducation, and setting thoughtful boundaries, you help your child develop healthy digital habits. Here are some specific recommendations to support your child’s responsible use of social media:

Recommendations for Parents:

1.???? Use Social Media With Your Teen for at Least a Few Months Before Giving Them Access:

For the first 3-6 months, actively engage with the apps alongside your teen. Watch how they interact with the content, explain your own observations, and shape their mindset about what they see online. This shared experience will help you understand the challenges and temptations they face, allowing you to offer guidance in real time.

2.???? Frequently View Content Together:

Even after the above step has been done, make it a habit to regularly sit down with your teen and review the content they are engaging with. Discuss their thoughts, reactions, and feelings towards what they see, helping them to reflect and process their experiences with you. This ongoing dialogue is crucial as both their brains and the social media landscape are constantly evolving.

3.???? Maintain Full Access to All Apps:

It’s important to have full access to the apps your child is using. Make it clear to your teen that this is not about mistrust, but about ensuring their safety. As their brain is still developing, they are vulnerable to the addictive nature of social media. By having access, you can monitor their usage patterns and the type of content they are exposed to.?

4.???? Set Up Notifications for What Your Child is Viewing:

Take advantage of notification settings on the apps to stay informed about what your teen is viewing or interacting with. This can help you stay aware of potential risks and guide your child in making healthier choices.

5.???? Explain Your Role in Protecting Their Brain:

Have an honest conversation with your child about why you are setting these boundaries. Explain that it is your job as a parent to protect their developing brain and ensure they are not exposed to harmful or overwhelming content. Emphasize that the online world can be unpredictable, and your involvement is a way of safeguarding them from potential dangers they may not yet recognize.

?By staying actively engaged in your teen’s social media experience, you foster a healthier and more open relationship with them regarding their digital life. Social media is evolving too rapidly to leave children to navigate it alone. Parents can play a powerful role in shaping how their teens interact with this unknown and often harmful world, ensuring they use these platforms in a way that protects their well-being.

Resources and References:

?Pew Research: https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2023/12/11/teens-social-media-and-technology-2023/

Book: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, Jonathan Haidt, Sean Pratt, et al.

Dr. Nirmeen Rajani, a Clinical Psychologist and mother of two, specializes in anxiety, depression, trauma/PTSD, and issues affecting children. With a focus on supporting children, adolescents, couples, and families through various life transitions, she compassionately empowers parents in their parenting journey, while also working directly with children to address a variety of childhood challenges.

Learn more about her work and practice:

Psychology Center Schaumburg Intake Line: 847-786-8222 [email protected]