Talk to your Father

Last Friday, I was having my weekly session with my therapist. We typically focus on tuning my ADHD without the use of medication. He has been a huge influence. I shared with him that Father’s Day is a tough time for me. He said “why?”

As I approach another Father's Day, I find myself reflecting on the personal connections that truly matter, especially the one I shared with my father. For me, this holiday has long been a bittersweet occasion, ever since I lost him at the tender age of 15.

When I was 13, my father made the decision to move our family back to India, and those two years we spent together were some of the most cherished moments of my life. We played tennis, built my confidence, and I basked in his happiness and wisdom. He launched a Civil Engineering and Real Estate Development firm. For 2 years, I got amazing quality time with him. He was so happy and he really gave me a lot of confidence in my future. We also played a lot of tennis and I started playing competitively. Tragically, it was during one of our tennis sessions that the unthinkable happened – my father collapsed and passed away, right there on the court.

In the decades that followed, I grappled with the grief and the absence of my father. It wasn't until a recent conversation with my therapist that a profound realization dawned on me – I had not ever "talked to my dad" in all these years. The therapist's simple yet powerful question sparked a revelation: In the last 38 years since his passing, I had never written my father a letter, talked to him, nor did I have a single photograph of him.

This poignant revelation is a stark reminder that even after a loved one has passed, the opportunity to connect with them is never truly lost. My therapist's recommendation to write a letter to my father has become a transformative exercise, one that has the power to heal, to find closure, and to keep the memory of my beloved parent alive.

As I reflect on this experience, I realize that the challenge I face is a universal one. Whether our fathers are still with us or have moved on to the next chapter, the importance of maintaining that connection is paramount. For those who are fortunate enough to still have their fathers in their lives, the message is clear: take the time to talk, to listen, and to cherish every moment.

For those of us who have lost our fathers, the path forward may seem more daunting, but it is no less vital. The act of writing a letter, of expressing the thoughts and feelings that were left unsaid, can be a profound act of healing and catharsis. It allows us to continue the conversation, to share our triumphs and tribulations, our joys and sorrows, with the one person who knew us best.

As a father myself, I express the hope that my own children will one day feel empowered to "talk to me" even after I am gone. The legacy we leave behind is not defined by the accolades or the achievements, but by the indelible mark we leave on the hearts and minds of those we love.

In a world that often values the tangible and the measurable, the power of conversation and connection can be easy to overlook. But as I navigate the complexities of life, it is these personal bonds that provide the true sustenance for my soul. So, on this Father's Day and every day, let me remember to cherish the father in my life, to express my love and gratitude, and to keep the conversation alive, even when he is no longer physically present.

So on this Father’s Day, I’m not talking about VC, AI or startups. I hope you get to talk to your Dad, if he is still living. If not, maybe write him a letter. I know I will be working this into my practice.

As a Father, I’m grateful to have a great relationship with my boys. Eventually, we will all pass. I hope that years from now after I pass, that my boys will talk to me, because I will be listening.