Talk Tip: Are You Sorry Not Sorry?

Q: My boss wants me to stop apologizing every time someone asks me to clarify something in my presentation, and really anywhere else. I've managed to stop saying the word "sorry" but she says everything about me still says "sorry."

Maybe you're anxious. I'll bet you're polite. It sounds like "sorry" is one of your filler words. What it sounds like you are not, however, is sorry for doing something wrong, which is how your boss (and others?) are interpreting your use of the word. Here are some things you can do right now to stop presenting yourself as sorry to your audience when you aren't sorry like that.

• Break the cycle
• Focus on the physical, too
• If you're truly sorry, say so

Break the cycle

The first step to change is self-awareness, and behavioral change takes practice. To get you started:

• Set a goal: Decide explicitly that you are going to work on this for a certain amount of time; say, two weeks
• Act: Slow down. Don't rush to react, but rather think about what you want to say before you say it. Take a pause so you can respond with full self-awareness.
• Get feedback: Ask for help. Talk to a few people you trust about this and ask them to keep tabs on how often they hear you say, "sorry."

Focus on the physical, too

Body language says a lot. It's part of the "everything about you" that your boss is referring to. Depending on where you want to focus, consider these brief articles:

• Project confidence by taking up space
• When you are up to speak, take the stage
• Remember that posture is power!

When you're sorry, say so

The word "sorry" has great value and healing power when you use it to sincerely right a wrong. Don't toss it out of your vocabulary entirely. Decide when and where it will help your audience when you use the word.