TALK it out rather than FRET out.

Suffering arises from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power - Epictetus

The feeling of lack of control or wanting to control everything around can be a big stress trigger as it leaves one feeling off center, scattered, overwhelmed, overworked and mismanaged. And when these emotions arise, they trigger the feeling of lack of control even more and we find ourselves in a vicious circle of stress.

I say this so confidently because I have been there. In my initial years at work, I was part of a very young and dynamic team. I loved working with them but the team had a pattern of sitting for brainstorming post 7pm on most days. And also over weekends sometimes!! Initial fews days were fine but as this continued, I just started to feel overwhelmed and felt like I was missing out on my personal life because post office I always wanted to sit by the sea to unwind and read a book. Over a period of time, I started dreading these meetings and the stress kept me awake at night, I would get up late, then reach office late (which nobody minded since we were sitting till late too), my meal times got messed up due to which I started getting headaches and I got no time to unwind. Result was the onset of stress that reflected in my work as well. Luckily my boss noticed this change and asked me if something was bothering me and I told her what it was. She laughed out loud and said why could you not tell me this before. We all have always worked like this because it worked for everyone but you are new and if this doesn’t work for you then we can meet sooner and be done by 7pm. I was surprised, glad and also learnt the most important lessons of my career -?

it’s best to talk it out rather than fret out!

So here’s a step wise guide that I followed throughout my corporate career when I felt scattered and overwhelmed at work:

• Ask yourself ‘WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?’: A very important conscious choice you make is to take a step back and ask yourself “why am I feeling the way I am feeling?” ....... “What is it that is making me feel like I don’t have control?”

• You can distinguish the reasons based on lack of resources or multi-tasking without having a common goal to all the tasks or unclear role or no cut off time or constantly shifting organizational priorities or unpredictable team etc.

• Then make a list of things would make the situation an ideal situation for you.

• Divide the list in things that you can influence and those that are beyond your influence.?

• And then focus on things that you can influence. Most often than not, in a workplace, this would involve you speaking to your manager, boss, HR or your team outlining your concern, sharing your vision and reaching a middle ground at the least.?

• What about the things that you can’t control? When we focus on things that we can influence, we see a shift in our mental state and also an increased sense of coherence. When this happens, it over time spills over to the other aspects of the situation as well. But even if this doesn’t happen, it is important to keep focussing on the factors that can be influenced because that is what stops us from becoming stagnant, frustrated and feeling burnt out.

One key tool in addressing the factor of feeling out of control - that triggers the stress response, that eventually leads to burn out - is having an open and impeccable communication and the patience to allow the change to unfold. And this takes practice and overcoming the fear of being put down. But the fact is, when we ask or state our concern, most of the time we find a solution or a middle ground. Even in times when the suggestion is not accepted, just stating it makes the other person become aware of it and they tend to start paying attention to it.?

Patience & keeping the communication ongoing are key in influencing a situation.?

PS: Nothing in this world is worth your mental peace and you can always make a choice of protecting it, without guilt.?

Choose not to burn out! Take Care.

#licreatoraccelerator #burnout #makeachoice #mentalhealthawareness #shikhapandey