Talk it out, it helps

“Why me? I hate this world”

“Hey, what happened?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What is it about? Tell me more about it.”

“No, I don’t think you can. It’s done. I’m done. I quit!”

“Come on! Speak to me. Try me, maybe I can help. Then decide for yourself.”

Human tolerance levels are changing – be it politics, be it leadership, be it work, be it others around us, and most importantly be it ourselves. If you create a causal diagram for the “why” of this, you will not end up with an actual reason because a lot of it has got to do with how we perceive things around us and also the meaning of life that exists in our heads.

In the short conversation between 2 entities above, the synthesis is that if we have a problem, we need to talk. (I call it entities because today we may want to reach out to a person face-to-face and tomorrow that person maybe virtual and day after tomorrow that person may be completely digital. It may be a conscious algorithm.)

We can choose to talk to ourselves (for the introverts who have an alter ego inside our heads) or talk to others (they could be psychologists or just another human being who cares) but talking is important. This activity of letting out your feelings allows you to introspect and articulate what you actually feel, really well. Through this process of translation (internal feelings to a conversation), some of our problems may not really look like problems. And once the conversation has begun, the other entity would engage in a dialogue which could help solve a few more of the problems. And the more perspectives we get (by more entities in the conversation) the greater the probability of finding solutions or rather a way ahead.

Quitting something is very easy. (even just saying this is easy). I don’t like my work, I will quit. I don’t like my relationship, I will quit. We see these happening all around us – in the movies and in real human relationships. But when it comes to I don’t like my life, that is when we all feel that “I will quit” is probably not the right way to see it. Why is it that for any other problem, quitting something is not seen in the same light as quitting “life”? Is it because the harm that is caused to others by quitting a company or quitting a relationship (be it friendship, family or love) is negligible? Or is it because humans see death in a different way?

What do you do when you are not feeling great at doing the work that you’re doing? You talk to your manager/leader, you talk to the HR/Wellness representative, you talk to your friends, family. But you still talk before you make a decision because you allow your mind to hear others’ perspective and you look for guidance.

 What do you do when you get a feeling that your relationship is not working? Same, you talk to someone – be it your partner’s friend or your friend or family or even a counselor.

 Why can’t we do the same for every challenge we face?

It could be that not all of us have access to the right people. It could be that not all of us have the energy or willingness to try to make it work. It could be that not all of us have the so-called financial stability to enable that willingness to try out. It could be that our ego is so strong to not let you ask for help from someone and it has already made the decision for you. It could be that people around us will judge us for talking to a psychologist or a counsellor. Whatever it may be – it is always good to talk it out. Who knows, you may be able to receive help from unexpected places. And also learn about the different perspectives that exist in looking at the same situation. It is very similar to the problem solving that we do at work, we ensure that we approach it holistically, try out hypothesis before building the final solution which will then enable our customers to make a decision. We need to apply that to any of life’s challenges.

Life is about controllable and uncontrollable factors – you can only have the controllable ones in check so strive hard to work with what you have at hand, the uncontrollable factors will always work at random. Have a mindset that embraces the uncertainty and randomness in all walks of life and you will always be happy.

If you see someone in distress, talk it out and that’ll help them. If you see someone being bullied, be it in school/college or if someone uses their power unethically at work, call it out and confront them. Empathy and humbleness are important to any interactions, don’t let your ego come in the way. 

Help doesn’t necessarily mean something tangible and physical – being there and talking it out is good enough.

“Multiplicity of perspectives is essential to making us who we are. Identity is always a two-way street – created from the inside out and the outside in” – Esther Perel