Talk Less and Smile More: Sound Advice or a Sexist Remark?

In a recent podcast taping, our discussion was around the topic "Talk Less. Smile More." I love a catchy title for our podcast episodes. This one is around a song from the popular play, Hamilton, and seemed a perfect conversation piece for our podcast, "Your Real, Your Ideal". I had so many examples of how this sound advice played well for me over the years in engaging in more positive communication with others.

Then it got interesting. Amy Tokos, my podcast co-host, came prepared for our discussion with a completely different interpretation of this catchy title. She had ready her own examples of how this term is used negatively against women, especially in the workplace; another way to tell them to be quiet and don't speak up. Just smile and look nice.

Neither of our interpretations crossed the others minds when we individually prepared for our podcast discussion. Which is exactly why I love these discussions with Amy. Thinking outside of the box and exploring the perspective of others is the secret weapon to putting one's best foot forward every day.

So who was right?

Or is a simple phrase just a conversation starter with different interpretations?

We went with #2. No one is right, but life examples from both the positive and negative aspects of this phrase brought some great discussion. What we really did was look at it from both an inward and outward perspective.

From an inward standpoint, the focus is on the things you can control. Our biggest takeaway from this perspective is to always focus on talking to people, not at them. A positive conversation is two-way. Talking at someone is not an opening to allow them to be heard. The advice of talking less while smiling more can be repurposed into a simple sentence of talking less while listening to what others have to say. And smiling while speaking, when done authentically, is always a good thing. A reminder to yourself that you value what they are saying. But smiling is not a prerequisite to listening.

From an outward perspective, people may tell you that you haven't earned a seat at the table. Their decisions and words directly impact you. Although we believe times have changed from Amy and my years of being a young women in a male-dominated workforce, there are still sexist comments on how women are expected to act and look. This is just simply wrong. What is right is standing up and speaking up. Attack the action and not the person. Push for inclusion for everyone at the table to participate in the conversation.

The best outcomes start with a real conversation.

#talklesssmilemore #yourrealyourideal #realconversations #podcasters

(If you would like to listen to our podcast conversation, the link in below. We always tape our podcasts on Zoom, so video version is on YouTube as well. We hit on lessons from RBG, Warren Buffet advice, resting bitch face, and our own real stories of being shut down and being lifted up. And whole bunch of lessons on our journeys along the way.)