Tales of a C-Suite Dad: Reflecting on Boundaries and Balance this Father’s Day

As any parent knows, raising a kid is a full-time job. My wife and I have four. During the best of times, it’s hard work to find the time to balance career and parenthood, and sometimes the two can feel at odds. These days, after months of working from home and as a camp-less summer kicks into full swing, it’s become even tougher for many of us to establish and maintain the boundaries we usually have in place. In honor of Father’s Day, I wanted to take a few minutes to share some of my favorite moments when fatherhood and career collided over the past few months, and some of the things I do on an ongoing basis to make sure I’m being the best leader and father I can be.

Unexpected Cameos

When we talk about the culture at TD Ameritrade, we often pride ourselves on creating an environment where people can bring their whole selves to work. Over the past few months, in a sense, we’ve had to bring work to our whole selves. Now, on video calls, we’re getting a peek inside each other’s homes, seeing clothes that might normally be reserved for the weekend and even getting introduced to family members and pets. Sometimes, those intros aren’t intentional – the infrequent, yet unmuted flushing of a toilet for example. These moments are often a little embarrassing, but frequently hilarious, and it’s a nice reminder that we’re all human, and we’re all in this together. 

Take Your Child to Work Day – WFH Edition

When Take Your Child to Work Day rolled around in late April, we knew it had to be tackled differently than in years past—after all, our kids were already at work with us now, every day. To keep in touch with our tech org across long distances, I host regular “Ask Me Anything,” or AMA, sessions every other week on Slack. These AMAs serve as an opportunity for the team to ask me any questions they want, serious or not, with nothing off the table. For Take Your Child to Work Day, we hosted a special version of the AMA where my team’s kids were the ones asking the questions. From “Do you like frogs” (Answer: I like all animals) to “the best piece of advice your parents ever gave you?” (Answer: work hard, always be truthful, enjoy learning, have fun with great friendships), the event was a fun and meaningful way to bring all of us together and integrate our families more closely with our work.

Assuming the Role of Temporary Teacher

One of the things that’s become very clear in recent years is that kids are never too young to start learning the basics of our Financial System—and that, in fact, early education can be key in promoting a child’s future financial health. Like many others, I’ve had to assume the role of “teacher” more in the past few months than ever before. Two of my boys are teenagers, and I’ve been taking the opportunity to supplement some of their schoolwork by guiding them through the stock market using TD Ameritrade’s education platform. It’s a great way to expose the kids not just to the work I do and the services my firm offers, but to teach them important life skills that will serve them for years to come.  Now, they regularly come to me with their hottest stock picks!

So, all that’s nice of course, but how do you maintain that balance, especially now?

Well, it isn’t easy, and I’ll be the first to say I don’t always get it right. And I actually don’t love the notion of “work-life balance,” in the sense that I don’t see work and life as separate things. Work is a part of life, and it’s a part I love. But being a parent and being an active, engaged member of my family will always come first for me. This is especially true during this time of WFH where your work can engulf the mornings and evenings without the proper boundaries.

In practice, this means:

1.      Ending my work day by 6:00pm ET – sharp. It’s not that my colleagues can’t reach me outside those hours in case of an emergency, of course, but I really do step away from the laptop at that time, and, barring a crisis, I stay away until the next morning. I find this helps me stay focused during the work day; nothing like a little time pressure to make sure you get it all done.  We have a standing family prayer at 6:00pm with my wife’s family via Zoom which creates a natural transition for the day.

2.      Really taking time off when I’m taking time off. My family, like many others, has found itself in the position of canceling vacations we had planned in recent months. Know what I did? Took the time off anyway. Even without the ability to physically get away, it’s important to connect and reset as a family if you can. My team knows that when I’m on PTO, I’m largely unavailable; I empower and trust them to take on many of my responsibilities in my absence. Trust in your team makes it possible.

3.      Making the most of my work travel. We are fortunate to live in an age where technology has made remote work and meetings not just possible, but superior in many ways (more on this later!), so if I’m taking time away from my family to travel, it’d better be worth it. This means being very selective with the events I participate in or meetings I fly in for. If I’m not accomplishing at least 2-3 important things I couldn’t get done without making the trip, I’m likely to stay put. I think going forward we all need to really ask ourselves “WHY” we are traveling to another location for a meeting.

4.      Exercise and Breathing. There is no question during this time that as a CIO leading a large organization with a family of four hovering around, stress builds up and it’s easy to snap or feel down. That’s why I am committed to meditating every day, deep breathing and engaging in cardio for at least 30 minutes. These tools are critical for any executive in diffusing stress and maintaining a peaceful outlook on the current circumstances.

5.      Laughing and connecting socially. Work seems so serious and there are issues, outages, and late projects that are inevitable. It’s important to laugh as a family, watch enjoyable movies and TV, and socialize with friends and co-workers. Some of my co-workers and I have used this period to reconnect through a weekly round of golf and laugh about the “serious” things that happen during the week.

Make no mistake, being the CIO of a freshly minted Fortune 500 company is a demanding, taxing job. These are just a few of the ways I make sure I’m dedicating the time and energy to my family, my well -being —and my career. And on the occasions that work and family mix, intended or not, well, that’s usually a lot of fun.