The Tale of Two Wolves
The Tale of Two Wolves
"ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE. HE SAID, "MY SON, THE BATTLE IS BETWEEN TWO 'WOLVES' INSIDE US ALL. ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW, REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE, SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT, INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE, SUPERIORITY, AND EGO.
THE OTHER IS GOOD. IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY, HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE, EMPATHY, GENEROSITY, TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH."
THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER: "WHICH WOLF WINS?..." THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED, "THE ONE THAT YOU FEED"
To me this story sums up the differences between parents choosing between an adversarial path verses the collaborative path through their divorce.
For the newly divorcing parent the adversarial path may be the preferred path, your angry and the last thing you want to do is collaborate with your ex. Litigation may be the easier path. You may argue that it will lead to immediate positive results in your case, but at what cost? Is your attempt to position in the short term placing you in a situation where you will be in continuing conflict?
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What are the costs you and your child have to face due to long term conflict. I'll tell you -its not good.
Then of course there is the collaborative path. Being mindful, understanding your emotions, having empathy, listening understanding and responding. Finding ways to ensure that your child is out of the conflict, finding ways to build your child's resiliency and future growth. Where do you see your future path if you would take the collaborative path. The collaborative path will require much work from you, but you will come out stronger afterword.
Are the paths as simple as evil vs. good? No of course not. Life is never black and white. What we can say is that long term conflict is going to be the cancer that is going to eat you up inside and prevent your children from finding happiness. Finding a collaborative path may be your best chance at moving forward in a positive direction.
What path will you choose?