A Tale of Two Wars

Lessons of A Life Coach #9

As a counselor and coach, I have often begun my client time by asking – ‘which world are we working on today?’?It seems like an odd question to ask but my question is valid.

For so long I was a prisoner within my own darkness.?Too overwhelmed and timid and fearful of the abusive power of others.?To fight from a place of weakness not knowing where that fight would lead, not knowing the price I would pay, only managed to trap me further inside a false fear.

So many people with so much power and I with nothing.

My smile kept the truth at bay and warded off the battle as I strived to keep the peace with my passive responses.

Early in life, I learned that the greatest war I would ever fight would be the war within myself.

That war raged when the world was silent and, almost fell silent when the outside war raged.

?The Tale of Two Wars became the essence of my existence.

Victory over the outside war meant coming to terms with toxic abuse in all its various forms that filled my environment and then slowly dealing with each in their own needed way.

Victory over the inward war meant internalizing the truth and identifying the lies that had become my own beliefs.?

Two wars - one person.

I am quiet and reserved by nature and enjoy the quiet garden walks and peaceful stars.?I lean heavily on my faith.

My character was misinterpreted by those who were abusive, but it was my fear of abandonment and having nothing that kept me, prisoner. It is a strange thing to think there is nothing beyond what is in front of us.?That the abuse is better than nothing at all.?Holding on to the devil we know for fear of the one we have not met. To fearfully remain.

Shattering this mindset is not easy and the overflow of other people’s words does not help.?This is something that must come from within.

I am not alone in this. There are many out there, even reading this, that have wage war on their own wars and that is okay. You will win.

When you are at war with your worlds, you will not have victory overnight nor most likely over the week, or month.?You will, however, begin to recognize your wars and what the battle is all about.

The outward war changed as I removed myself from the abuse of others. This was not easy and to be honest, there are still stragglers whom I have not yet dealt with. Their time is approaching. ?They still manage to disturb my peace with their own vile natures.?For the most part, I have done well in reaching where I am today.

I began by writing down the names of all the people who were abusive, controlling, and negative, whether that was in words, actions, deeds, physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.?I had to learn what abuse was before I could recognize it though, something many still need to do.?

Then I mapped out a plan to rid my life of each of them.?One tactic did not work for all; therefore, I became strategic in my approach.?Inside of one year, almost ? of them were no longer in my world.?The remaining quarter was harder to distance being family or very close contacts.?

Not once was I aggressive or rude, I approached all in a manner fitting with my own nature and desire for peace.?We can bless them as we send them on their way.?For the most part, I just kept distancing until the breaking point.?Once someone is far enough away and their needs are no longer being met, they will lose interest.?When they cannot control you, they have no need for you.?The puppet strings are cut, and they are left with dangling strings and no puppet; they will search for another puppet.

My outward war was growing quiet, and the battlefields had fewer fighters and I could see victory on the horizon.?Occasionally, fleeting thoughts of pity waved over me, and then I remembered their abuse and the wave vanished.

The inward war is harder to find victory over.?This world holds all our insecurities, rejections, fears, experiences, trauma, pictures, truth and lies and so much more.?It is harder because this world belongs to us.?We are alone in it.?It is difficult to see this world clearly as we have looked at ourselves through our own lens which over time became smudged.?We believe what we see and know is true because there has not been another lens to look through.?

I began to understand the inward world more once counseling was part of my healing. I also began to see things in a new light when new people came into my outward world.?People who were trustworthy, kind, honest, and gentle.?These are the people that loaned me their lens and through their lens, I could see another version of me.?This new version waged war with the old and gained victory over the lies and untrue beliefs I had of myself.

The entire process is ongoing and faithfully I continue to confront the lies within and continue to monitor the world around me.?

Whatever the ill intent in my worlds was meant to accomplish, they all failed because quiet and silent is not weakness.?Gentle is not weak. Kind is not weak. And Love covers a multitude of sins. I can be all this in a world meant for me with no strings attached to my limbs.?

Whatever the abuse – it could never touch my spirit and my spirit is strong!

If you feel weak, try to understand that it is just a feeling and that you are most likely quite strong.?If you feel trapped, it is fear that holds you there. If you secretly desire a way out – there is one.

If you are at war in your two worlds – start with understanding the battles and which world they belong to. Why do they exist??What are the possible options to deal with the reasons behind the battles??Search every option to change your outward world. Even if it takes you as long as it took me – that is okay.?Any step is okay.

The inward world will begin to change as you change the outward world. ?People will come into your life who will let you see yourself as they see you and you will feel good.

You are not alone.??This is a tale as old as time but you are important and what you carry inside is important too. How you change your world will help others change theirs. Baby steps, lovely, baby steps...