The Tale of Two Funerals: Lessons from Two Great Men

Last year, I lost my father-in-law, Jeff Kirsch. A few months later, Jeff’s close friend Bobby Silverstein also passed. These losses were devastating to their loved ones. This writing is not trying to find the “silver lining” in death. Still, at the same time, when I attended the funerals of both gentlemen, I was reaffirmed in my personal beliefs and inspired by their lives. Both were men committed to a service career, being active and present fathers and constantly growing as men. I want to share a few lessons I learned from both funerals to inspire you and continue their legacy through the shared the stories shared about them.?

Bobby

Bobby was an incredible lawyer and advocate for people with disabilities. He pioneered legislation that changed workplace equity and changed the lives of millions. But that wasn’t the most impactful aspect of his life during his service. What stood out to me was his love as a husband, grandfather, and, most importantly to me, father. Bobby raised two amazing and successful sons, and their words struck me. In separate stories, both sons shared how no matter what their father did in his work, he always made time for them. Bobby went to their soccer games, asked questions about their friends, and cared about their interests, dreams, and passions. He listened to them, challenged them, and advised them. He was also humble. Another story that intrigued me was that none of his accomplishments went to his head. He was committed to his work and service. He put all his awards and accolades in the closet. Service to others motivated him for excellence, not a glorification of self or external stature.?

Jeff

Many people know how close I was to Jeff. I could write a whole book on the amazing man he was to not only me but others, but for this purpose, I will share one thing from his funeral that stood out to me. It was how everyone made comments about how he listened to them. Young and old, people said that Jeff made them feel comfortable to share vulnerabilities with. He asked good questions and was genuinely interested in your words. Jeff cared about people. It showed up in how he listened to them. I was blessed to get that daily each morning, but I found it interesting that people noted this quality about him when they hadn’t seen him in years. This showed how impactful listening is. People remember that for a lifetime, which means more to them than how much money you make, your career, or your accomplishments. People want to feel heard and seen; being an active listener shows you are committed to them. Jeff was a great listener, and it’s a skill I consistently have to check myself on and work at.?

Final thoughts

Both men were great and set examples for me and others. They were men who were admired and loved by many. I would be successful if I could be a quarter of the men they were. I want to help others like them while not sacrificing the most important relationships (my family and friends). I want to strive to have a balance, and hopefully, when I pass, my boys will say how much I made them feel loved, and everyone will note that I made them feel cared for. If I can do those things, their legacies will live on through me and the generations after.