The Tale of Two Challenges

Challenge #1 The Hike. When my kids were both back in Alaska, they insisted that we climb the frontside of Flattop one rainy day. It's a popular local hike. It's my least favorite because I loathe the "scramble" at the top, where you create your own rock climbing path up. It's not particularly strenuous, but it feels life-endangering to me.

But, being a "good sport" (whatever that means), I joined them. My face betrayed my conjured excitement. I was pretty grumpy and internally complaining. My oldest daughter said, "Mom, use your mindset work - what are the facts, and what's the story you're telling yourself that's keeping you from enjoying this?" (Don't you hate it when the kids turn the tables on you?)

Well, I knew the overarching thought had nothing to do with the weather. It was "I hate this hike so much." I could fill in the rest of the model - Feeling: resentment Actions: grumble internally, don't engage, miss the enjoyment, find and focus on all the things I'm not enjoying like my shoe rubbing my big toe. Result: I create a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hated the hike.

I did start to unpack it a bit. It was all based on fear of the scramble—not actually fear of falling or bodily harm, but fear of the fear itself. I dislike that emotion as much as embarrassment. I made it to the top, but still with a bit of drama.?

After we were back down below the rocks and back on a path, I was more at ease and finally decided to be in a good mood.

Challenge #2 - The Series of Debacles. Fast forward 2?weeks. We were on a tight weekend trip to move things out of storage in a small Washington town and to our new place near the Grand Littles. It started with a red-eye. We missed our connection. The next flight would miss our U-haul pickup window (the moving trucks were in very short supply). There were NO rental cars or Touro's in Seattle. We bought a Greyhound ticket and slept a couple of hours at the hotel. We arrived at the station and waited more than 2 hours for the 6:15 am bus. There was no communication. People there said this type of thing happens all the time.

We gave up and paid $$$ to take an?Uber. It was 107 degrees instead of the 85 it would have been if we'd made the flight. They didn't have the right size truck we reserved or anything bigger. We couldn't fit everything in. We donated a couple of pieces of furniture on site.?(I mean, you can't make this stuff up!)

And we just kept laughing and laughing. It was an adventure going badly, and I was in a great mood.

The point of these tales? Even as a coach, I still do this work.

1. I still have automatic negative thoughts that don't serve me well.
2. I don't always choose the better path even when I become aware of them.
3. Sometimes, I avoid being self-critical of my automatic thoughts and thereby avoid unnecessary guilt, but not always (e.g. I didn't add unnecessary stress to my existing resentment and fear on the hike by shaming myself for my automatic thoughts.)
4. I exercised agency in staying miserable 2/3 of the way of my hike.
5. I'll remember that the next time I'm on a similar hike and likely choose to shift earlier.
6. The efforts of mindset work are rewarded. The fact that I gained a good perspective about a series of debacles involving lack of sleep, extra money, and heat exhaustion is a testament to my growth from ingrained negative patterns. My automatic thought about that situation? "We are making memories!" Haha. And that we did.

Reflection: In what situations could you step back and look at the facts and the story you're telling about it? What would support you choosing a more adaptive perspective? How does taking ownership of your thought life and emotions feel? What is your go-to reframe? "We are making memories" serves me very well!

?Have a joy-filled and memory-making?week! Tonya

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