A Tale of Two Books

I was at my local library earlier this week to pick up a book that I’d reserved, when I came across two books on the non-fiction display shelf that piqued my interest. 

To put this in context, this particular shelf is strategically placed for maximum foot traffic, and I have to walk towards this shelf to get to the reserved section behind it. Nine times out of ten, there is nothing of interest to me on this shelf.

My brain was doing what it normally does in the background. You know - the thing where it automatically scans the environment peripherally and subliminally, entrained to pick up information that is important or relevant. Well, this is a very real phenomenon (or as my daughter would put it - legit!) and backed by neuroscience. 

Well, one of the things that my brain does on autopilot (my superpower you could say) is the ability to spot spelling errors. Even when such errors are in highly improbable and hard to spot places. Like a random scrawl behind the door of a toilet booth. To be quite honest, it is annoying at times because I can’t help picking these spelling errors up - and when I do,  I have to decide whether and how I should point it out without coming across as being critical or OCD. (Just in case you're wondering - I don’t take out my pen and correct the graffiti on aforementioned door). Anyway, I guess you don’t get to choose your superpower (sigh!). Back to the story. 

The first book that I noticed was “A Wunch of Bankers” - a clever play on words intended to be read as “A Bunch of Wankers”. Not very politically correct, but totally ingenuous and appropriate (or inappropriate - depending if you are a banker/sympathiser or not). 

What do you do when you find something interesting? I tend to stop and pay attention - Who knows what other gems I would find? So I stopped, scanned the other books, and spotted another intriguing title.

The second book “Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (and how to fix it)” put forward a very provocative question. 

I laughed and thought that the librarian must have a great sense of humour, as my brain somehow made a connection between the two books. (More on this later.)

Remember I mentioned earlier that finding anything interesting on this particular shelf is like a 1/10 event. It follows then that finding two books that are connected is like a 1/100 event - what a windfall!  It made me happy and appreciate how life has a way of showing up for me. (Okay, maybe it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy - no judgement please.) 

So what happens if life gives you lemons? You make lemonade of course. (Or write an article about lemons - you know what I mean.)

I joyfully checked out my books and skip-hop to the car, excited to unravel the mysteries of these two books.

Why It Matters

From a communications and marketing perspective, I think that both books are great titles that “hook” readers in to find out more.  

Apart from that, I think there is a deeper element at play - a felt sense of resonance. There is something direct and truthful about both titles, which cuts through to and gives voice to what I and perhaps many of have been feeling - about the Hayne Royal Commission and other more recent events - a sense of frustration, helplessness, and disbelief. 

The night before, I had dinner with some close friends, one of whom works at one of the major Australian banks and we discussed the changes at the bank as a result of the royal commission. He expressed the frustration and dissatisfaction that he and his colleagues are experiencing - "Do you know that as a banker I can't even verify my own customers' signatures now? We need to collate all the documents and then send it to another person to sign off - someone who's never met and knows nothing about the customer." Many of his colleagues are not sure what their job is anymore and are just ticking the boxes. Oh, and they now have to do a compulsory ethics course - as if that would make any difference.

Our dinner conversation also touched on the latest (sports rorts) scandal playing out in the Australian political arena. This came on top of a long list of debacles which had been front of mind for many Australians - ranging from the Prime Minister's Hawaii holiday controversy, bushfire crisis and subsequent handshake-gate, and the flip-flopping responses to the coronavirus. Even as I laughingly say, “Hey - don’t blame me! At least I didn’t vote for Scott Morrison!", I knew that I didn’t really mean it. The problem isn’t “out there”, it affects all of us. I knew that we all have to somehow take collective responsibility. 

Given the conversations of the previous night, it was no wonder that these two books drew my attention.

The unspoken question that I have, the question that is getting increasingly louder, and the question that I’m sure many of us are asking is - How did we get here? - How did we end up at a place which, against all our best intentions, is clearly not working?

On top of feelings of frustration, helplessness and disbelief, many of us are also feeling afraid, worried, disillusioned. We want to feel certain again. We want to be able to say to our children - “Don’t worry. We’ve got this under control”. We want to be able to point to something. Someone. Anything. So that we can fix it and move on with our lives. 

Because we certainly didn’t cause these problems. Or did we?

Paradigm Breakdown

I have been contemplating, for some time now, that we are witnessing the breakdown of many of our current structures and systems (e.g. religious institutions, financial systems, political systems, health systems). These structures and systems are breaking down at a speed, scale, and frequency that we can no longer ignore. 

Why are these happening? My sense is that they are symptoms of a deeper root cause or paradigm breakdown - one that I think many of us are beginning to wake up to.

One attribute of this paradigm is how it rewards certain behaviours more than others. This is discussed in “Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders”: when competent women - and men who don’t fit the stereotype - are unfairly overlooked, the result is a deeply flawed system that rewards arrogance rather than humility, and loudness rather than wisdom. 

This paradigm is also implicit in many of our organisations and systems - for example, our financial institutions and our financial system, the result of which was examined in detail by the Hayne Royal Commission, and chronicled in “A Wunch of Bankers”.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of consciousness that created them in the first place” - Albert Einstein

If we continue to operate from the same level of consciousness (or thinking), we would continue to perpetuate the same problems. 

As we are each a microcosm of the whole, I believe that we can examine and understand our collective dominant paradigm through our own individual paradigms - i.e. our beliefs, assumptions, and thinking. 

Thoughts and Consciousness

The inter-relatedness of mind/thought to our perception and interpretation of external reality  is not a new concept. There is a fundamental link, indeed some fields would even say inseparability, between our inner and external realities. Our mind filters how we see the world. 

Long before this phenomenon was “discovered” and studied extensively in fields such as quantum physics (observer effect), psychology (cognitive therapy), and behavioural economics (heuristics), the nature of the mind and mind/body connection were known thousands of years ago in the Buddhist and yogic traditions.

More recently, improvements in brain imaging technology have generated significant interest and research in neuroplasticity and mindfulness, providing evidence that the human brain is not static - it can be re-trained and re-programmed.

Through practice, we can learn to develop deeper awareness of our beliefs, thoughts and assumptions, examine how it filters our perception and shapes our view of the world. 

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. 

It’s not enough to just have a conceptual understanding of this principle. It needs to be understood experientially. When someone’s thinking or paradigm shifts, they first-hand how their conception of reality also shifts.  

In my experience, once this “reality-flipping” moment occurred, it is very difficult to go back to the “old reality”. And more significantly, there is potentially a domino effect which makes it easier to see similar patterns and repeat the same process.

I can certainly attest from personal experience how understanding this principle has transformed my life. By learning to look within, I’ve been able to “unlearn” many of my conditioned beliefs and assumptions.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

I realise that most people I know are already very busy - it’s not helpful, probably anxiety-inducing, for them to read about yet another thing they have do.  

As I was reflecting on whether there is an easier way - that does not require reading more books, take on a contemplative practice or work with a therapist/coach, it occurred to me that perhaps another lens we can use to examine our thoughts is through the stories that we tell ourselves. 

Story-telling is an integral part of the human experience. It's something that we can all relate to. Our brains are hard-wired to narrate - i.e. tell stories - about ourselves and everything around us  - other people, the past, the future, etc.

Anyone can start identifying the stories they are telling themselves - by noticing the narratives and self talk that runs in the background. Most of us are not usually aware of our inner dialogue. But it is not hard to do.

If we can start being curious about the stories we tell ourselves - my story, your story, our stories - we will find lurking very closely behind these stories, the thoughts, beliefs and assumptions that make up our paradigms. 

 Let’s use my earlier story as an example: 

1. What's the Story?

As chronicled in the opening part of this article, my book encounter was a fairly enjoyable and joyful experience - I serendipitously found two interesting books and was grateful that these books crossed my path.

Another person could have a totally different experience - for example, seeing the same books reminded them about the Hayne Royal Commission and give them more ammunition to affirm their view that our leaders are incompetent, making them angry and upset - perhaps even ruining the rest of their day if they continue to ruminate on that story. 

Same set of circumstances but experienced differently as two different narratives. 

The point is not which one has the right story, but to recognise that it is just a story. It does not have any objective reality except for what we make up in our heads.

2. Biases and Assumptions

In my story above, I described how the spelling error in the first book was picked up by my brain automatically and without my conscious intent.  

We all have pre-existing dispositions and biases - i.e. automatic processes that happen without our conscious awareness. 

Stories can help us identify and bring to the surface some of these hidden “programming”. When we are aware of these programs, we can then make a conscious choice to either override or make adjustments for our bias. 

3. Challenging Our Stories (Realities)

Have you ever interacted with some people who have views that make you wonder whether you inhabit the same universe?  

I’m sure many parents of teenagers, like me, would have experienced at least one “what were they thinking?" episode with their child. (Okay - maybe sometimes our politicians make us feel that way too.)

I would be the first to admit that it is very difficult sometimes to hear and see things from the perspective of the young adults in my household. However, I would have to say that my two teenagers are hands-down, my best teachers on learning how to be tolerant, respectful and accepting of different, challenging and sometimes diametrically-opposed views. 

[You could say that I don't have a choice and we have to live with each other - parental responsibility and all that legal stuff - and if I had a choice I could just pull rank, exercise my power and kick them out. Jokes aside, I think you may have a point.

Let's say I don't have a choice to kick them out. We could choose to make our lives hellish, or we could choose to find a way that would work for both of us to live amicably together. I would argue that the latter approach would be the rational choice. Even if my teenagers were being very unreasonable, it would still be in my enlightened self-interest to resolve our conflicts. (Interesting, kind of sounds like what we need to do on earth?)]

As human beings, we are naturally predisposed to want to spend time with people we like. This usually means people that have similar views, background, culture or predispositions to us. Even misery loves company.

The danger with allowing this automatic process to run uninhibitedly is that the narrative we form is incomplete. This is particularly amplified these days with social media and search engines that are calibrated to show us what we click/like, resulting in “echo chambers” and increasing polarisation.  

Counteracting these effects require conscious intent on our part to deliberately expand and challenge our own thinking and worldview. I would recommend approaching this like training for a marathon - start small and work your way up. Be very mindful of your own triggers and what you can and cannot handle.

I like to think of this as moving away from "either/or" towards "yes/and" thinking. The aim is to increase our capacity to stretch our minds and integrate opposing views.

Choosing a New Story

As we survey the maelstrom of crises and disasters, locally and globally, it is difficult not to feel overwhelmed by the scale of the problems that we face, the worsening prognosis, and increasingly sombre outlook. 

What breaks my heart most is when my children ask me, “Mum, do you really think that we are going to have a future?” 

I honestly do not know the answer. 

I think that this is something that we would all need to come to terms with. If not now, then at some point in the future - either by our own choice, or forced upon us by circumstances.

When we make different choices, our individual stories change. When my story, your story, and our stories change, our collective story also changes. 

What will your choice be?