Taking a Victory Lap After Brain Injury

Can I share a good news story with you today?

Over the years, I haven’t shared much of my professional life here. I am open and often painfully transparent about being a brain injury survivor. Baring my struggles for well over a decade has helped others to feel less alone.

I am one of the fortunate ones as I have a job. I was full-time self-employed as a web developer at the time of my injury. Had I been working for someone else, I would have been fired during my first post-injury year.

I can say that with 100% certainty. I was a hot mess.

It took me many years, but I have been able to build a successful small business since my injury. The business that I built is good for a guy like me. I can set my own pace, take a step back on bad brain days, and work at my own schedule. My clients have no idea about my backstory. I share that only on a need-to-know basis.

I’m really proud of the business I built. I work slowly, methodically, and mindfully. As of today, I have over 60 Google reviews, 100% of them 5-star reviews. Not bad for a guy who couldn’t match his socks in 2011.

“So, what about the good news you alluded to?" asked the ever-present inner narrator.

Glad you asked!

A couple of days ago, I got a request from a potential new client, but it came with a catch: He wanted to meet with me personally. In my pre-injury life, that would have been no big deal, but brain injury does complicate... everything.

I agreed to meet with him. But just under the surface, there was fear.

What if I lost words? Aphasia strikes more often when there is stress, making word-finding a very real possibility.

What if I was unable to maintain the continuity of conversation? Over 13 years later, and a decent conversation is still difficult to have. They leave me exhausted, and sometimes it takes a couple of days to recover.

Perhaps the worst fear of all: What if I say something completely stupid? It's happened before and will most assuredly happen again. It goes with the brain injury territory.

But I decided to meet with him. "F it, what's the worse that can happen. I can't spend my life in a professional cave (Or can I???)"

The meeting was this morning. It was my first face-to-face client meeting in over seven years. Me and two representatives for the company sat around a conference table and talked for close to 90 minutes.

I knocked it out of the park!!!!

No speech problems, no regrets, no missteps. I am completely exhausted, but happy. I set my afternoon on easy mode, with no cognitive heavy lifting for the rest of the day. Who knows how I'll be tomorrow, but for the rest of the day, it's slow lane driving for me.

Brain injury so often feels like all it does is take.

It took the life I once had.

It took the person I once was.

It took the career that I once enjoyed.

It took family and friends.

It took and it took, almost bleeding me dry, leaving me lifeless.

Today I scored an epic victory. Take that, brain injury - take that!

Will I be awarded the work we discussed today? Candidly, I really don’t care. Today I chose to take a stance against fear, and against neuro consequences so many of us face.

That little voice that said, "You can't do this, David," was dead wrong.

And today, today I'm taking a victory lap. Later, I might just be taking a nap.

But man o' man, I'm dead tired.

~D