Taking Pride in parenting.

June marks both LGBTQ Pride and Father’s Day. As the parent of a gay daughter, this is more than a calendar coincidence because in my household these two observances are deeply intertwined.

I have always been a hands-on father. Even when my career was calling and work trips started to blend together, spending quality time with my daughter was everything. In a time when being a dad somehow meant that I was given a pass to miss those treasured moments, I showed up and continue to do so. Thankfully, Charlotte has yet to bench me and lets me play a few innings as coach. In all seriousness, she knows that my greatest joy and achievement is being her dad.

The value that I place on parenthood stems from my own upbringing. As a boy growing up in Ireland, my father had a tremendous influence and involvement in my life.Whether it was giving me pointers on rugby or comforting me after a crushing on-field defeat, my dad always had my back. It’s thanks to his steadfast presence that I was able to reach higher, push harder and stay focused on what I wanted to achieve knowing he was in my corner. When I think of those early days as a new dad, it was my father’s kind words that carried me through those sleepless nights.

When Charlotte came out as gay, there was never a moment of hesitation or a question of acceptance. At that moment, I thought about my parents and their unconditional love for me and my siblings. I have been blessed by their example and then blessed again with a daughter who felt empowered to embrace her authentic self without fear of being ostracized or shamed. She was unapologetically Charlotte and, in many ways, more whole and vibrant than ever before. And we made sure she felt our full support and that we loved her completely and always.

While Charlotte had the confidence and support to be herself and come out to family and friends, I know that’s not always the case for other members of the LGBTQ+ community.

It pains me on such a deep and personal level when I hear of young people who come out as gay, lesbian or trans, only to find that the news isn’t taken well, or even rejected, by their parents. How tragic that just when a young person gains a stronger sense of self-identity, he, she or they loses such a deep and foundational relationship. I can’t imagine how difficult and isolating that must feel, which brings me to the reason behind this post. 

To any young person who identifies as LGBTQ and finds themselves without the support of their parents or loved ones, please know that there are other surrogate parents and allies out there, as well as groups and communities like The Trevor Project ready and willing to embrace you. Sometimes you are born into a family that loves you unconditionally, and other times you need to build that family from the support systems around you. I wish it was different. I wish that every parent would celebrate their children and value who they are, but there are people out there who think you are perfect and important. 

Most importantly, you are not alone. And if you need someone in your corner, know that I am cheering you on. 

For the rest of us, we don’t have to be parents to be allies to the LGBTQ community. As we enjoy the month of June, let’s celebrate Pride with pride, and recognize all of the father’s out there who, like my own dad, step up time again when their kids need them most.

Because to really be a father and wear that title with honor means you love your children completely. Happy Pride to all, especially my Charlotte.