Taking the Leap: How Not to Jump Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire

At a time when the whole world feels like it’s on fire, the idiom “out of the frying pan and into the fire” can take on an entirely new meaning.?

It is a common refrain. Most professionals in higher education and student affairs will tell you they do what they do because (a) they love working with students, (b) they had mentors who did what they do and shepherded them in, (c) they were involved on campus, and/or (d) they want to create inclusive environments for all to thrive.

That last one is especially true for those of us who experienced isolation or hostility or discrimination or worse due to oppressive forces working themselves through our peers, our classrooms, indeed through the entire structure of the institutions we attended. As queer and trans people of color, we wanted to make a difference in the lives of students like us, so they would not share those same experiences and feelings.

Later on, we might find ourselves wondering how we got to where we are today. How did work that used to be meaningful and rewarding, that helped us grow personally and professionally, while we supported students’ growth and campus experiences, turn into… this? Many of us have found ourselves in less-than-ideal work situations:

• Feeling overworked and undervalued
• Having lost our sense of purpose
• Hitting a lavender ceiling, a professional slump of sorts
• Dealing with supervisors, colleagues, or even students making our jobs and lives harder
• Living a life out of balance and out of sync
• Or feeling misaligned and drifting further from our core values

This is the Boiling Frog Syndrome. Try to put a frog into already boiling water, it will jump out immediately. But place it in lukewarm water and turn the heat up ever so slowly, it will try to adjust itself to the slight discomfort, until… well, you get the idea.

Let’s say, we sense the temperature rising and start considering getting out. But when we take a moment to look around, we see all the fires and don’t see a way out. Better the frying pan you know, than the fire you don’t, I guess. Well, eventually, that frying pan is going to have the same effect as the fire: lead us to burnout. Or is it burn-through?

Rather than hunker down and push ourselves through until we cannot take it any longer and jump out rushed, not ready, and into a situation that ends up being no better or maybe even worse than the one we’re already in, let’s try something different. What do we need to consider in mapping out the possibilities and setting ourselves up for a smart and successful leap?

Find Your Lily Pad

Instead of focusing entirely on the fire, which has us acting out of fear and anxiety, let’s find our lily pad, so we can act out of courage and hope. The lily pad symbolizes our desired destination and to figure out where that is, we need to clear up at least some of the smoke around us by getting clear about our values, wants, and needs.

Our core values are what ultimately guide our actions and support our wellbeing. Or at least that’s what they are meant to do. The more we lose the power of that guidance, the worse we feel about ourselves, about the work we do, and about life in general. Core values also drive our personal development - who we want to be and how we want to show up in the world.

Our wants and needs are deeply personal. Needs are our basic and essential requirements to survive. With work this includes a minimum paycheck that allows us to eat, hydrate, have a roof over our heads, and take care of the needs of those to whom we are responsible; access to our work, physically and cognitively; and healthcare and other essential-to-us benefits. Wants go beyond the basics. Don’t we (and our families, communities, kin) deserve more than just to survive?

Join a Chorus

Gaining clarity about our core values, as well as our needs and wants, gives us a destination. But how do we get there? How do we figure out the best pathway to take, the one with the least obstacles or traps along the way? And what do we need for this trip?

This is where a support system can come in handy. Join a chorus - oh, did you know one term for a group of frogs is a chorus? We don’t need to do this alone. In fact, as queer and trans people of color, we know all too well the power of a collective, of chosen family, of choosing mutual support over competition.

You are not likely to be the only frog in the pan. A network of people who have an understanding of your professional context, can empathize with some of your experiences, and are also motivated to pursue their wants and needs in a value-aligned way can help you find your lily pad - and you can help them do so, too.

Keep Yourself from Getting Crispy

We have a destination - or maybe multiple possible destinations - and a chorus to accompany us on this journey. While we chart our course, there is still the reality of the frying pan. In other words, we still have our current needs to attend to.

Taking stock of how dire the situation is, assessing our own resources (e.g., safety nets, savings, housing, alternate sources of income, mentors, institutional allies, skills, credentials), and identifying where we can make some adjustments in our current situation can both mitigate matters for the time being and let us know the speed with which to move things along. If our resources are low, we might need to slow down and shore up on the necessities. If the heat is rising quickly, let’s identify a pit stop should we need to leap soon.

Having our values, needs, and wants at the center and with our chorus alongside us, we can keep ourselves from getting too crispy. Wouldn’t it be great to have a space where we can attend to all three at the same time?

Chrysalis Can Help

This is where we can help. We designed Chrysalis specifically with queer and trans people of color working in higher education and student affairs in mind. As formerly campus-based and now “free range” practitioners who have come to career crossroads more than once, we know how overwhelming it can feel. In a society that teaches us (and those around us) that we are less than, that we ought to accept that “this is just how it works” and tolerate it, and that if we want more or better or different then we have to figure it out on our own, Chrysalis seeks to bust those myths.

Chrysalis is a career transformation experience that combines an intimate and supportive learning community with specialized attention through one-on-one coaching to help participants make powerful decisions about their careers. Whether you are looking for your next step in higher education, want to explore options beyond campus borders, or are not quite sure what direction to take, this program can be where you can bring your full, authentic self and chart your course towards a value-aligned lily pad.?

If you and/or someone you know might be interested in participating and would like more information, we would love to chat! Schedule a 1:1 conversation with either of us (Brian or T.J. - or both!) to get your questions answered and visit the Chrysalis website to learn more about and sign up for the program.?

Join our chorus!

Dr. T.J. Jourian (he/him/his) is an independent scholar, coach, and consultant with Trans*Formational Change . Motivated by intersectional and liberatory movements and organizers, his practice, advocacy, and scholarship center trans and queer people of color's experiences, perspectives, and leadership. T.J. has worked with hundreds of campuses, companies, conferences, and community-based organizations across Turtle Island, and has a background in student affairs, academia, instructional design, and nonprofits.

Dr. Brian Arao (he/him/his) is an innovative and passionate educator who excels at helping others grow more fully into their potential. Brian pursued this calling for nearly 23 years as a progressively responsible and transformative leader in the field of student affairs in higher education. Now, as President and co-founder of Brave Space Leadership, he consults privately as a diversity and equity strategist, educator, and executive coach for colleges, universities, and both nonprofit and for-profit organizations. To learn more about Brian and Brave Space Leadership, visit www.bravespaceleadership.com.