Taking A Journey With Awareness…

Interestingly enough, my journey with awareness began, due to an aspiration to get an MBA from a prestigious Management Institute! I was already a Project lead, and this seemed a natural progression career-wise. However, while I did apply to an Executive MBA at ISB Hyderabad (which I later withdrew for multiple reasons), it was what happened with respect to my recommendation letter and its aftermath that set the stage for my journey to awareness of my own strengths and weaknesses!

Like most professionals in India, I aspired to achieve an MBA degree from a top management institute in India. All par for the course. I was, after all, a Project Lead. But, to this day, my aspiration is nothing more than an unfulfilled dream, and not for a lack of trying or investing time. I once went through a full-blown application process – with all the bells and whistles – for an Executive MBA at ISB, Hyderabad. I withdrew from that for multiple reasons

At that time, I was working for a major automobile company in the US for their R&D.?ISB asked me to submit my application with a recommendation letter. My client helped me with a recommendation letter and sealed it.

By and large, I forgot about the letter and incidentally, I opened the recommendation letter a few years later. I had absolutely no idea what the recommendation letter said about me. So, I didn’t really think much about that document – until it blew my mind with what it contained. But of course, at some level, I was curious about what the recommendation letter said about me.

In retrospect, the recommendation letter had some interesting facts about me, ones that would raise curiosity about me. But there is one major aspect that grabbed my attention - the letter exposed a blind spot in my leadership style.

My client wrote that I did not openly express my opinion even though I was most knowledgeable. (or) can get into a productive conflict, in other words, he termed me diplomatic.

I am not for a moment doubting his observations, after all, I have worked with him for a number of years. But yes, the revelations were pretty shocking for me.

So, once I learned what my blind spots are, I wasn’t clear about who was at fault. In most cases like these, it’s either the person or the situation - and I didn’t know who the culprit was this time around.?What was clear though, was that my strengths had become my weakness and somehow worked against me. It took some doing on my part, but I approached a mentor.

My mentor's initial questions were:

Does it happen with everyone with whom you interact?

Does it happen with one or somebody consistently?

He had his reasons to ask the questions. He said that if it was the former, the answer was within me. If it is the latter, the answer isn’t. And that sent me into some deep reflection.

Off the cuff, I can say that I am quite a compliant person.

Being compliant might seem cute, but one aspect that comes with the territory is the idea of not doing anything that would rock the boat. Another is striving, not to get any kind of attention on myself. And all that culminates into a character that won’t speak up, fearing judgment.

Whether it’s a simple, impersonal conversation or an upcoming meeting or even clarity on some project status, I need to be clear, and in control to open up and speak.

?And unfortunately, both details and the opportunity to be in control aren’t always possible for a leadership role.

Upon introspection, I had two thoughts coming to my mind. One, my strength had turned into a weakness, and two, the ability to give convincing answers is a critical skill when it comes to leadership.

I decided to work on this and improve my leadership skills by presenting myself better with the following techniques:

?I started with baby steps, not specifically in any order though

?- Being ok with imperfections.

- Reducing fear of self-judgment

- Using metaphors to simplify

- Paraphrasing and Summarising

- Asking open-ended questions

- Seeking further clarity by asking to follow through questions

Honestly, the approach does not matter, it is the break-up of the articulation into components that matters.

The solution lies in fixing self first and then focusing on the outside. Like all problems, articulation challenges are also fixed by constructive conversations based on open and just feedback.

Repeated application of the knowledge is key to raising the comfort levels to get independence from biases.

?So, next time you are uncomfortable with a conversation or articulation, talk it out!