Taking CONTROL of YOUR Grief Journey

I am a MASSIVE Mel Robbins fan!

If you don't know who she is, Google her!

She is a huge supporter & educator of science-backed personal growth strategies and has written books, hosts her own podcasts, and is a sought-after speaker.

What I love about her the most is her incredible authenticity and vulnerability in the way she shares her knowledge, experience, success, failures, and challenges - raw, real, and engaging.

Why do I share this with you?

Because she JUST released her latest book on December 24th: ?

"The LET THEM Theory"

O.M.G.!

Game-changer!

As I listened to it on Audible, all I could think was how applicable this "LET THEM" theory is when you are traveling your grief journey...and how much it would help support you and give you back a sense of control.

Her theory, in a nutshell, can be summarized as follows:

LET THEM.

then...

LET ME.

What does she mean by this?

“LET THEM” ?

You cannot control anyone else - not their emotions, reactions, thoughts, actions, nothing, nada, zilch! ?You are wasting YOUR energy by even trying. ?So if someone is doing, saying, reacting, etc. in a way that upsets you, LET THEM. ?

When you LET THEM behave the way they are behaving, it immediately reduces your stress, anxiety, and frustration. ?

In the moment that you say "LET THEM", you get to take a step back, emotionally detach from the situation, and remove the control that you are allowing them to have over YOUR emotions and, by default, your reaction to their behaviour.

When you LET THEM, you get a chance to pause, reflect, and THEN respond.

These 2 simple words, "LET THEM", allow you to take back your power, your control.

“LET ME”

After you LET THEM, you then LET ME.

This means you get a chance to turn inwards and self-reflect by asking yourself what you CAN control in the situation...which is YOU - your emotions, your reactions, your behaviour, your thoughts.

YOU are the ONLY thing you have control over - EVER!

By saying "LET THEM" and emotionally detaching from the situation, you give yourself time & space to "LET ME" decide HOW you want to respond and what is best for YOU in this situation.

This will also give you some time to reflect on your contribution to the situation and where you might have some responsibility (this is super important!).

???

So, HOW does this apply to you as you are traveling your grief journey?

Here are a few scenarios that may help you understand how to apply it during your grief journey.

?? You chose roses instead of lilies for the graveside service of your spouse and your Mother-In-Law is furious at you for choosing the "wrong" flowers. ?LET THEM.

?? You decide to start dating 6 months after losing your partner and the women in your circle judge you negatively for it. ?LET THEM.

?? You stop trying for a child after 4 miscarriages and 3 rounds of unsuccessful IVF because the heartache and toll on your body is just too much to bear anymore and your parents tell you how disappointed they are that they will not be grandparents. LET THEM.

?? You miss out on a big promotion that you thought you were a shoe-in for and your work rival (who got the promotion) tells everyone on your team that you don't have what it takes. LET THEM.

?? You decide to speak up about the abuse you endured as a child by a family member and members of your family stop talking to you. ?LET THEM.

Along your grief journey, no matter what your grief stems from, there are always going to be people who will react and behave and voice their opinions about how you are grieving and what you have gone through in ways that are upsetting or unexpected.

LET THEM

Then…

LET ME

Take a step back.

Look at what YOU have control over.

Honour what YOU need.

Respond in a way that is true to you.

This theory is simple enough to understand, but can be SO hard to implement.

It takes practice…and you may upset people by your decisions.

You may have to say "LET THEM" 1,000 times before you actually feel like you are detached enough to reflect and respond in a way that most aligns with what is best for YOU.

And what is best for you at one time may be different another time. ?That's OK.

When you are traveling your grief journey, you are the ONLY one who knows what you need and what is best for you in that moment.

Other people's thoughts, reactions or "advice" for how you choose to travel your grief journey are just that - THEIRS.

LET THEM have their thoughts, reactions, and advice.

LET ME do my grief journey in a way that honours what I need and that best supports me.

YOU are worth it!

M. xo

P.S. ?If you are wanting support in your grief journey, I am here for you. Book a short call send me a message or an email - and let's explore what that support may look like for you.