Taking Back Control, From Fear And Limiting Beliefs

So who else ‘nails’ the goal setting on the first of January each year, only to have ‘failed’ within days? In the past, my goals involved the usual stuff: better work life balance, consistent exercise, healthy eating. Work life balance lasted until mid-January, as end-of-year holidays heavily tipped in favor of ‘life’. Exercise and healthy eating wouldn’t make it out of that holiday, or past ‘another’ poolside cocktail. It was over before it began. And it never felt good. In fact, it became quite soul destroying.

Moving past the easy stuff

These days, I’m getting smarter at being kind to myself. At finding a balance, and the things that really matter most. But it has come from doing the deeper ‘work’ to understand what I need for me – with the additional benefit of knowing how that impacts those around me who matter most. It’s come from moving past the ‘easy’ stuff, the standard answers that require little thought (see work life, exercise, etc. above). What I hadn’t put out there in the past was the really ‘hard’ stuff. Like last year, for example, showing up on social media videos for my business launch. Learning about building sales pipelines. And pushing myself a little more each day – because I know one percenters count. And only when I started that work did I really start to face my fears, and make progress. Yes, it was scary, but a year down the track and those things are now a ‘normal’ part of my everyday life. Actually, now they inspire me. Jumping in front of the camera for a LinkedIn update or sharing a self-limiting belief with my 9,500 followers to help others in their journey forward.

And leaving the fear factory

The thing is, we’re not born with fear, so most of us don’t really know our fears straight up. And those fears are often driven by self-limiting beliefs that hold us back from realizing our dreams or goals, often without us realizing it. These are the perceptions or assumptions you hold about yourself and how the world works. Many fears are valid, like not swimming in waters we know sharks or crocodiles favor, but you can usually manage those by avoiding the situation. Other fears or beliefs are so inbuilt, they’re hard to change. But not impossible, if you’re willing to do the hard work. Here’s my approach to understanding my fears – and taking them on.

Every belief has a purpose…or does it?

Every belief we hold has a purpose, which is usually about keeping us safe from a negative outcome. The key here is that the purpose may be unreasonable, but the power lies in its very existence. Let’s say a teacher told your 13-year-old you to stick to humanities because you weren’t good at math. This belief likely impacted choices you made through school, the profession you chose, how you manage your personal finances. You may have a strong belief that you shouldn’t bother with anything to do with numbers. Your teacher told you so, and your lifetime avoidance protects you from the pain or shame you’ve held since that moment.

Once you understand where that belief and fear comes from, you can question if it’s still valid. What if you ‘allowed’ yourself to learn basic accounting, so you can do your own ledgers for the new business you just started, or what if you started to budget monthly? Overtly questioning your limiting beliefs can reduce their power, and help you take the power back.

I remember when I applied that process to a belief I had held from my high school days about my math capability. When I understood the shame I felt and what that had stopped me achieving, I went from astonishment to hysterical laughter. I knew, in that moment, the power no longer sat with the belief, and I could move forward.

Recalibrating the power imbalance

Humor can be a powerful unblocking tool, so don’t be afraid to free yourself of limiting beliefs by laughing at them. Another robust way to break the power of old beliefs is replacing them with new ones. That align with your values, and support your goals and dreams. So instead of ‘I’m hopeless with numbers’, try ‘I’m capable of understanding numbers in my daily life’.

Sustaining these ‘reframes’ may take some thinking about how you can implement small things every day that will reinforce your new belief, and create new habits. It could be writing your new belief or affirmation on a note that you keep on your bathroom mirror for a few months. It could be journaling, guided meditations, vision boards…whatever works for you.

Many of us go through life afraid to do the hard work because, well, it can be hard. And I know I chose that path for many years. But ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’. If you’re still reading, chances are you know you need to do the work – and you’re probably ready to do the work. So get to it, and take control back from your fears.

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About the Author

Ainsley Jeffery is co-founder and director at www.noacoach.com