IT TAKES GUTS moving to work in a foreign country
12. Home stays, knowing the rules
Dave, who went from diplomatic posts in India to the Middle East, on to Holland and England recalls,
It is not a simple matter having the boss from head office to stay. Every top posting must be ready for the arrival of unexpected guests; - businessmen, government officials, bankers etc. are usually most agreeable guests. Most of the time, they beg a bed, as there is no accommodation available..
The boss of course will not be arriving with a gift however there are obligations for social guests to arrive with a gift, something thoughtful. A gift of alcohol is always acceptable, but the gift bottle should be a more expensive bottle than you would usually choose. Bringing an expensive bottle of Champagne, a bottle of Scotch or Gin, is for your hosts to enjoy, not to be opened immediately for you to share, unless you can replace it before you leave.
There is one rule that applies wherever you find yourself as a houseguest, or offer hospitality to a guest to stay in your home; the three day rule that is unless you have a warm association with the hosts. Three days. four nights is an acceptable length for a houseguest to stay. Family members or close friends excluded however there are exceptions when an extension is welcome, obligatory or not.
When entertaining house guests, hosts should insist on fifteen minutes of alone time, catching up at the end of the day and to discuss immediate plans. It is an important ritual to have the children occupied and house guests left to their own devises, even if it is a mother in law.
It is in very foreign or so-called hardship posts that more frequent house stays will happen, usually because there is a shortage of acceptable hotel accommodation.
The International Monetary Fund and World Bank held an international meeting in Belgrade, a huge affair. The concern was how did Australian Banks rank internationally? A reconnaissance found Westpac’s allocation, was a shabby, short stay hotel in a poorer outer area. A phone call of concern, with an invitation to the Managing Director, Bob White, accompanied by his wife Molly, to be our house guests over the period.
Needing to be even handed, ANZ Bank’s Mac Brunkhorst and his wife accepted gratefully after both Bank bosses had conferred.
The only time we were together was over breakfast, laid out for anyone at any time. Both Banks needed to utilise our large drawing room space for their international receptions. Westpac gave a reception in our house for their fifty or sixty international banking colleagues on the first evening and on the next night, the ANZ. Costs to them. The ANZ were in the thick of take-over negotiations for the Bank of Adelaide and itt was vital that news of the deal was not leaked to the competitor.. Deal done, confidentially.
This was an exceptional case for our cook housekeeper who had to work long hours using her contacts to find waiters, shopping for and preparing the cocktail food for two nights in a row whilst keeping track of the costs for each bank.
Staff may have been laden with extra duties created through your stay, so a small gratuity is appropriate and should be passed with a thank you privately. But depending on the local rate of pay the amount should reflect the local pay rate in a low cost country. If in doubt run the idea past the host or the staff member will earn way above the local norm creating difficulties for the host.
Kurt a sophisticated Austrian businessman after three or four years in Tehran, chose Tokyo and after that, Damascus as his preferred lifestyle choices.
Strange and out of the way places are in the long run more interesting and proven to be an advantage in keeping long term friendships, preferable that is after the first cultural shock while settling in, although not everyone is comfortable living out of their comfort zone.
We found Japan, Poland/Czech Republic, the old Yugoslavia/Romania/Bulgaria and Middle East more challenging and exciting than enlightened Sweden for instance.
What is required in preparing for guests to stay at your home? If a guest room is available, try it out yourself to see that it is sufficiently prepared. Check that there are fresh sheets and towels, a bedside lamp, plenty of soap, shampoo, extra toilet rolls and tissues in the bathroom, space to hang clothes, a couple of books, magazines and a rubbish bin. A comfortable chair is a plus if the room is large enough and in the colder weather an electric blanket on the bed or heating available. Do tell guests not put or leave a damp towel on or near a heater.
A platter of fruit and a few chocolates an added welcome as well as the favoured bottle of wine, Scotch or Gin ready at hand. The highlight of any visit will be the impressive group of important guests for the dinner, already being prepared for this special occasion.
Depending on your position in the company an extra bedroom may not be available and the spare bed may be a fold out in a family room with the family needing access for the few short days of the stay. For the guest, keeping the space tidy is simply good manners.
A rare event is to be invited to be a guest in a traditional Japanese home.
Accept graciously the offer to have a bath early evening as it is the time the family needs their own space to pay honour to their ancestors, a ritual of evening prayers at their home shrine. Remember wash yourself outside the family bath before sliding slowly into the large, wooden tub rather like an outsize beer barrel. Once, inch by inch sliding into the too hot water unable to move a muscle, or risk being boiled, for at least 30 minutes before so slowly moving out and into the cotton yukata gown and towelling scuff slippers provided. Born into Shinto and leaving life accepting the benefits of Buddhism, to continue on life’s everlasting journey.. A top brand pen and highest price bottle of Johnny Walker Scotch Whisky is to thank your hosts.
In Sweden there are many friendly weekend sleepovers organised, especially in a summer house, or even an apartment or house in town. A bedroom or a simple mattress, futon or sleeping bag, ready for the couple of nights’ stay in some accessible spot, most times on the floor. There may be two or three couples enjoying the planned weekend hospitality where everyone immediately feels at home. Breakfast is provided casually for people to help themselves. Lunch is out, on a planned expedition and in the evening, a more formal meal is prepared by the hosts and served around the table. It is fun to share in these informal friendly outings.
It was stimulating to have a variety of people to stay at most times BUT, one of ten days proved to be like fish -
An Australian pianist, who had trained in Warsaw, re-visited on a number of occasions staying with his Polish friends, whilst recording Beethoven’s and Chopin’s work. In return, the recording studio arranged tickets to be sold for a concert recital, to be broadcast nationally. Out of the blue his personal admin, had called from London asking if he could stay with us, after reluctantly agreeing, heard,’ for ten days or so!!!!’ (WARNING) We were assured he would be no trouble. With his artistic temperament and monodon pills to go to sleep and another pill to wake, meant that mornings were not his best time. He had taken our ‘compulsory read’ on the KGB, from where it was kept in the private book shelves out of sight upstairs, to read in bed. When, “Woody” woodpecker made his loud knocking in the tree one morning, he awoke sure that it was the KGB banging on the door after him.. Frightened, he called his P.A in London. Off he went to finish his recordings then caught a British Airways flight back to London leaving his concert audience of loyal ticket holders and radio broadcast time booked with no pianist. My phone was cut off for more than two weeks.
Having guests to stay is mostly a joyful and memorable experience, a chance to proudly show off the architecture, food and music of mostly old gracious cultures, like a tourist guide. How I wished I could communicate in their languages as well as they had in mine.