Takeaways From My 2024 Reading List (So Far!)

One of my 2024 commitments to myself is to take time after finishing every non-fiction book I read (or audiobook I listen to) to reflect on what I’ve learned and what I might start doing differently as a result.?

The habit has already improved my focus while I’m reading and has led insights and learnings to have a greater impact on my habits than they likely would have last year. Its also caused me to bring up books more in my day-to-day conversations! I've shared more about what I'm learning and, in turn, have had folks share back with me - what are they reading, what are they learning, and how are these books influencing their lives.

Here are my personal takeaways from non-fiction books so far this year! While they are written for me personally (and they definitely aren't intended to be recommendations or critiques!) - I hope they are valuable for you and encourage you to (1) share a book idea with me and (2) share more about how what you're reading is improving your life.

• Bird By Bird (Anne Lamont)
• An Immense World (Ed Yong)
• Rationality (Steven Pinker)
• A Confident Mind (Nathan Zinsser)
• How to Avoid a Climate Disaster (Bill Gates)
• The Scout Mindset (Julia Galef)
• Great Leaders Ask Great Questions (John C. Maxwell)
• How to Know a Person (David Brooks)

Bird By Bird (Anne Lamont)

Annual re-read, and every re-read reminds me:

• Writing isn’t my day job but the times I get to write (for myself, my team or for our EcoAlly community) are a gift - not a burden. Writing forces me to clarify my thinking, connect dots, and get to know myself and others in my life. It allows me to live and work more fully. The fact that writing is a big part of my work and how I get to communicate is something I am grateful for.
• Reading (books in particular) is also a gift. Reading fiction books is a precious use of time - contrary to my inner voice that often tells me fiction is for leisure only. What we learn about ourselves, how we behave and why we behave that way, and how people interact - this is all invaluable if we stop an take the time to absorb it while we’re reading.?
• The most important thing is getting started and getting the “shitty first draft” done. This is true about writing and Brene Brown talks a lot about “shitty first drafts” when processing life experiences (recognizing that my first interpretation of a life experience or a personal interaction is often incorrect, and that these stories I am telling myself are getting in my way). The concepts are the same - get it down on paper, consider it, then fix it up.?

So many great quotes. Here are a few to remember:

• “Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report written on birds that he'd had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books about birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.”
• “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
• “But I still encourage anyone who feels at all compelled to write to do so. I just try to warn people who hope to get published that publication is not all that it is cracked up to be. But writing is.”
• "Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something -- anything -- down on paper. A friend of mine says that the first draft is the down draft -- you just get it down. The second draft is the up draft-- you fix it up."
• “Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”
• “So if you want to get to know your characters, you have to hang out with them long enough to see beyond all the things they aren’t. You may try to get them to do something because it would be convenient plotwise, or you might want to pigeonhole them so you can maintain the illusion of control. But with luck their tendrils will sneak out the sides of the box you’ve put them in, and you will finally have to admit that who they are isn’t who you thought they were.”

An Immense World (Ed Yong)

Yong’s premise is that each animal has access to its own sensory environment — called an "umwelt" — the perceptual world experienced by each animal, a highly specific "sensory bubble.". "Umwelt was popularized by a German biologist named Jakob von Uexküll," Yong says. "The word comes from the German for 'environment,' but von Uexküll wasn't using it to mean the physical environment. He meant the sensory environment, the unique set of smells, sights, sounds and textures that each animal has access to."

Because our (human) world is all that we know, we easily mistake it for all there is to know. As a result, humans tend "to frame animals' lives in terms of our senses rather than theirs." But in reality, dogs are actually smelling something vastly different than we are. Birds are hearing their songs differently than we are. Frogs are seeing and feeling the vibrations of their environment differently.The book kicks off with a wonderful visual of many different animals inside a gymnasium, and the vastly different world each of these species experiences - based on their unique umwelt. Each chapter the details different sensory systems, and how vastly different each animal’s experience and umwelt is.?

Many scientists study animal senses either to help us better understand our own human senses or to leverage animal capabilities to produce new technologies. Yong seems to study animal senses merely for the sake of learning, recognizing their incredible work, and appreciating the rich wonder and diversity of the animal world.?

My main takeaways:?

• Yong is an inspiration. He is clearly deeply passionate about the subject. The level of research and nuance he brings to the topic is mindblowing. And his seemingly selfless wonder for the animals is incredible. He also writes gorgeously, which is not easy to do given the encyclopedic nature of the topic. How can I bring some of this inspiration into my own life and work?
• Read Yong’s previous book soon. I Contain Multitudes seems to be just as enlightening and its another chance to immerse myself in Yong’s world.
• Appreciate my own umwelt, while recognizing that it isn’t the same as any other species (and even people!) around me. Appreciate how remarkably different my bird’s umwelt is from mine, especially while I am coaxing her off a high perch or calling to her when she’s taken flight.
• Recognize human influence on the umwelt of other species, with our lights, our noises and how we’re changing environments. Do the small things I can to minimize it, like turning off lights and any other sound and noise pollution, especially at night.?
• Find time to sit quietly in nature and experience the wonder of each creature existing in their own umwelt around me. This world is remarkable.

Rationality (Steven Pinker)

Steven Pinker’s thesis seems to be that rationality is on the rise, though he acknowledges how many things get in the way of humans’ ability to be rational.?

I didn’t quite buy into his thesis, and in some ways he made more arguments for the fact that human nature coupled with rising forces that encourage illogical thinking (i.e. social media, clickbait headlines, etc) would mean that rationality would be on the decline. But, I do appreciate the positive slant on the topic and agree with this premise that the world needs more rationality and fast.?

But the joy and memorable part of this book was that it was chock full of logic and game theory problems that forced me to think and process. And it humbled me (and I think would humble most readers) because with each “trick” logic problem that tripped me up as you think through it too simply or too quickly, I am reminded of how easy it is to be irationale or not fully logical when processing information I read. How often do I assume my interpretation of something is so clearly “right” while another person has equal conviction that their interpretation is “right”? There is always room to bring more logic, more nuance, more appetite for complexity to actually get to a “right” answer.?

The most famous logic problem / example he shares is the Monty Hall problem:?

Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?

I’ve seen the problem so many times and know the answer…but despite this, my gut reaction to it is still that a person has a 50/50 chance of either door having the car, so you may as well stick with your original door. In fact you should always switch doors as you have a 1/3 chance of your original selection having the car and a 2/3 chance that the other door has the car.?

He shared dozens of little problems like this that are worth going back to and rereading in the future, mostly to remind myself of the nuances of probability and statistics, and the importance of keeping these in mind as I take in data, make life and business decisions, and communicate information and trends.?

Some highlights to remember:

• Take the time to unpack my gut reactions and instinctual decisions on things. Break down the ROI of inaction vs different paths of action. What would the most “rationale player” do in the situation? Build this muscle.?
• When I read or learn something, ask the right questions of the data. What is the base rate? What is the denominator? More broadly - what is the overall context to consider these trends within.?
• The most relevant data, the data that should form the baseline of interpreting trends, is the boring stuff that is never shared in a news story. There are no news stories about standard weather (i.e. it was 75 degrees and sunny on this spring day in Colorado), standard days (i.e. X millions of people lived today in this city), or even commonplace disasters and hardships (i.e. X thousand people died in car accidents last week). Because of this, we overemphasize and over-respond to the role of extraordinary events. Two clear examples being - airport security processes and our global reticence to figure out how to do nuclear energy right. Coal / fossil fuels lead to far more fatalities than nuclear, but in a way that is now gradual and everyday / commonplace vs the highly visible nuclear disasters.?
• On the flip side, remember that anecdotes and the focus on extraordinary is part of human nature. So, when presenting data and trends, incorporate the right memorable anecdotes - and then share the base rate and broader context to avoid perpetuating the common traps people run into when sharing data.?
• Don’t ever “learn”something from a headline or a basic social media post. Rarely are complex issues presented with enough accuracy, clarity and nuance to be truly understood. We all know this already, but always a good reminder.?
• Scientistics, experts, mathemeticians, statisticians - they get things wrong (a lot!). This is shown time and again in Pinker’s anecodates. He talks about how doctors don’t necessarily perfectly present the probabilities behind medical tests and how statistic often misconstrue and misrepresent standard deviation. These experts may know their content areas much better than any of us, but they are also human and are prone to the same fallacies of logic we all are - though hopefully at much lower rates.?
• Break down things happen arund me to the logic that might be driving it. I often thnk - this person is just insane and the people who support this person are equally insane - but, when you break things down there is actually rationale game theory behind the person’s actions. That may not make things less problematic for me, but it is a good reminder not to simply assume people aren’t being rationale, but instead to ask - what are they trying to achieve and gain??
• Read and reread game theory, statistics and probability regularly. It’s fun and will help me think more clearly in general!

A Confident Mind (Nathan Zinsser)?

While the book is written by a performance coach for athletes (and I am not an athlete!), the main message to me is an important one for everyone, especially women: How I talk to myself sets the stage for my success. When I consistently talk to myself negatively and harp on what didn’t go well and where I can improve, I do not perform at the highest level. When I consistently talk to myself positively, focusing on my previous and future successes, I will perform at my highest level.?

As someone who has previously journaled by working through all that didn’t go well each day, the fresh perspective is almost mind blowing. Instead of detailing all that I am disappointed with and want to improve on each day (which sets my mind at ease but certainly doesn’t lift me!), spend the bulk of this reflection time celebrating my wins, setting myself up for more wins the next day. This seemingly subtle change is already having an outside impact on my positivity and resilience - for myself and how I show up for the company, my kids, my husband, etc.?

To keep in mind:

• Deposit positive, confidence building examples into your bank account every day. Do this through a daily E-S-P Practice:? As part of journaling, consider (1) Effort: Where did I put forth quality effort today? (2) Success: What success did I have by putting in that effort?, (3) Progress: What progress did I make from that effort? Does not have to be big and recognize there are ALWAYS ESPs, every day.
• Remember the basketball shooters mentality, which I’m calling the Caitlin Clark mentality given the times we’re in right now. A great shooter always thinks the next shot is going in. If they are on a missing streak, they think - okay my streak is turning, the next one has to go in. If they are on a hot streak, they think - I’m on fire, the next one is definitely going in. Is this a logical or probability based way of thinking? No, the point is that by having this mentality, I am much more likely to put my best performance forward, maximizing the chances of my success. If I instead had thoughts like - I am missing a bunch of shots, will the next one go in? - I am going to be much more likely to put poorer performance forward. “When the fear of making a mistake is in your mind, you become cautious instead of assertive, reserved instead of intense, overly analytic instead of natural and flowing.”
• “If you’re having a bad day, change your mind.” How many times have I had a bad morning and allowed that to let me have a bad day? Too many! I change my mind all the time - what to eat, what to wear, what to watch. I can also change my mind about my perspective I’m bringing to the day.
• Confidence and the right mindset is not an innate characteristics, it comes from deliberate practice. “Just as you practice various physical drills to develop a reliable tennis forehand, you practice various mental drills to develop a reliable mental response to an upcoming challenge like a job interview, or to a routine deadline, or to an unforeseen setback. Stepping into the conference room to make a presentation while mentally reviewing a list of previous successes creates a much different emotional state than stepping into that room while recalling one’s last few rejections.”
• Being nervous does not mean I’m not confident or prepared. According to Zinsser, we are hard-wired to experience a biochemical shift when we're about to do something that really matters to us. Dr. Zinsser tells us not to let that panic us but to accept it and look at it as a gift of an enhanced biochemical state.

How to Avoid a Climate Disaster (Bill Gates)

https://rben.ru/docs/How_to_Avoid_a_Climate_Disaster_for_9712958_compressed.pdf

This book is in a similar category as Drawdown and Electrify Everything, and other books like these that I have learned a lot from. But Bill Gates does more than any author I’ve read to present the urgency of the issues, information and his proposed solutions with remarkable simplicity. There are a handful of key concepts I’ll take away.

The power that comes from presenting complicated things in simple and powerful ways. First, is his simplified approach to quantifying the actual number. We are all focused on 1.5 degrees, or measuring and minimizing the rise in the global temperature. This is a tremendously difficult concept to wrap your head around, and it is difficult to tie day-to-day activities to this outcome. Gates’ focus is simpler - getting from 51 billion tons of emissions (what the world produces today) to Zero. The goal is tremendously lofty, but it is easy to understand and every single subsequent idea he puts forth can be directly measured against that goal. He presents a very basic bathroom tub analogy to support his rationale for the need to get to “zero” (i.e. you can turn the faucet down but the tub will still be filling until you either turn off the faucet altogether, or open the drain as well, an act that would be akin to carbon sequestration).?

His concept of the “green premium” is also a simple but powerful way to assess the current and future feasibility of the world adopting a lower carbon or zero carbon (or carbon sequestering) solution.?

Five questions to ask. I really appreciated his 5 question framework to ask when evaluating a carbon zero program or technology:

• How much of the 51 billion tons of emissions are we talking about?
• What’s your plan for cement? Or more broadly, what is the plan for things beyond electricity and cars? He shares his breakdown of where emissions comes from: Making things (cement, steel, plastic) - 31%, Plugging in (electricity) - 27%, Growing things (plants, animals) - 19%, Getting around (planes, trucks, cargo ships) - 16%, Keeping warm and cool (heating, cooling, refrigeration) - 7%
• How much power are we talking about? This helps put impact in perspective. 1 kilowatt of savings represents the energy used by a US household. One gigawatt of savings represents the energy used by a mid-sized city. 5,000 gigawats represents the world’s energy consumption.?
• How much space does it need? He translates this into “power density” or watts per square meter (with wind and solar having much lower power density than fossil fuels). But this concept of space efficiency can apply well beyond power. We may have a great solution but if it takes up way too much space, its not going to work at scale.
• How much is this going to cost? What is the green premium and is it low enough such that the zero carbon (or lower carbon) solution should be adopted broadly? He recognizes that some technologies (such as advanced biofuels for jets) has astronomical green premiums today (140%), while others such as heat pumps can have negative green premiums (though they still incur deployment costs that hinders their immediate adoption). This approach to evaluating our options is refreshingly simple, though we should also acknowledge that different methods of analysis will yield different green premiums - these aren’t black and white answers.?

Prioritization of global development and alleviating global poverty. It comes as no surprise given the work of the Gates Foundation, but I appreciated and want to do more myself to recognize (1) the potential tension between global development and emissions and (2) that zero carbon advancements only make sense if there is long-term potential for them to be deployed successfully and uplift communities across the globe.?

• On the first point, Gates repeatedly states that certain trends - such as energy consumption and meat consumption - are bound to get far worse over the coming year, and that the underlying forces driving these trends are positive ones - as entire countries are lifted out of poverty. Our plan forward must not in any way punish or stifle the development of these countries and communities who are, at this point, most at risk of climate disasters that have been caused by wealthy countries whose advancements came before we truly undestood the impact of emissions.?
• On the second point, Gates uses the green premium concept in a way that helps the reader understand which countries are better positioned to adopt zero carbon programs today, and which aren’t. He suggests that zero carbon programs should strive to achieve green premiums low enough to at least enable middle-income countries to adopt them, allowing for the technologies to scale and eventually become cost competitive for developing countries as well.?

Innovation is key. He takes an innovation first approach to achieving zero emissions. Occasionally, he recognizes the importance of doing less - and advocates for eating less meat, making less unnecessary things, walking and biking when it makes sense, etc.?

But he makes a compelling point that we aren’t going to get close to zero by doing less or by shutting down economic sectors. During 2020, when COVID led much of the world to do significantly less flying, driving, and experiencing - our global emissions declined only 5%.?

Ultimately he continuously comes back to the importance of innovation. In some cases, we have zero or low carbon options, but need to innovate to decrease the green premium and accelerate adoption. In other situations, such as finding alternatives to cement and steel, he doesn’t necessarily present options but recognizes the need for technology to advance in ways that either eliminate emissions from producing these materials or to introduce a new material that will achieve similar functionality.

Issues are complicated. Recognize that but don’t let it get in the way of making the best decisions we can. He does a nice job presenting nuance. In his chapter on “how we make things”, he delves into plastic, steel and cement (while recognizing that we produce many other materials as well). He describes the fact that while plastic has many (many) downsides, one “upside” is that - unlike other materials - it captures much of the carbon produced in its manufacturing process. And because plastic does not degrade for hundreds of years, that carbon is saved long-term. He brings a nuanced perspective to industrial agriculture as well, recognizing that GMO crops? and fertilizers are critical innovations that have allowed the world to avoid catastrophic famine and population loss many were originally expecting. While fertilizer has saved countless lives, he recognizes that its current use also has downsides (very high carbon emissions and nitrogen runoff for example) that need to be solved for. He has a similarly nuanced presentation of the risks of nuclear energy, while also coming out as a strong proponent for nuclear as part of our path to zero carbon.?

The Scout Mindset (Julia Galef)

Approach life as a scout seeking truth rather than as a soldier motivating to win a battle.?

Good reminders throughout this book for myself in all situations of life, especially as it relates to making decisions (personally and professionally) and in communications (ranging from calls with brands we work with to political discussions with friends at dinner parties).?

• A scout mindset is simply a more fun way to experience the world. Ask questions, consider all sides (genuinely), have no set agenda of being right, and see situations more fully. There is a refreshing lightness in the feeling of being free to explore ideas and follow the evidence wherever it leads. If I’m stuck in a soldier mindset, stop taking myself so damn seriously.?
• Feeling objective isn’t what makes a person a scout. Being smart and knowledgeable doesn't make a person a scout. On ideologically charged questions, learning more tends to make people more polarized; and even scientists studying cognitive biases have a track record of exhibiting soldier mindset. Actually practicing scout mindset makes you a scout. The test of scout mindset isn't whether you see yourself as the kind of person who changes your mind in response to evidence and is fair-minded. It's whether you can point to concrete cases in which you did, in fact, do those things.?Do you tell other people when you realize they were right? Do you take in and improve based on personal criticism? Do you ever prove yourself wrong? Do you take precautions to avoid fooling yourself? Do you surround yourself with good critics??
• Next time I’m in the midst of a personal, professional, or ideological conflict, consider these thought experiments:The double standard test. Am I judging one person/group by a standard I wouldn't apply to another person/group?The outsider test. Imagine someone else stepped into your shoes—what do you expect they would do or think in your situation?The conformity test. If other people no longer held this view, would you still hold it?The selective skeptic test. Imagine this evidence supported the other side. How credible would you find it then?The status quo bias test. Imagine your current situation was no longer the status quo. Would you then actively choose it?
• Bring this mindset to decision making and risk taking. It is tempting to make bets or strategic decisions based on excitement, gut, self deception or the deep sense that “this will succeed”. Scouts aren't motivated by the thought, 'This is going to succeed.' They're motivated by the thought, 'This is a bet worth taking.'" That means you need to do the work to determine if its a bet worth taking. Which bets are worth taking is a matter of their expected value.?

1. An accurate picture of your odds helps you choose between goals.
2. An accurate picture of the odds helps you adapt your plan over time.
3. An accurate picture of the odds helps you decide how much to stake on success.
4. Bets worth taking does not mean the plan is going to succeed. Instead it means you recognize and accept the odds, and accepting variance gives you equanimity. Expecting to always succeed is unrealistic, and will lead to unnecessary disappointments. "Instead of being elated when your bets pay off, and crushed when they don't," try to get a realistic picture of the variance in bets and focus on ensuring your bets have high expected value.

• Being confident about being right doesn’t make anything better. There are two types of confidence. Epistemic confidence is "how sure you are about what's true," while social or habitual confidence is self-assurance: "Are you at ease in social situations? Do you act like you deserve to be there, like you're secure in yourself and your role in the group? Do you speak as if you're worth listening to?" Influencing people requires social confidence, but it does not require (and is often hindered by) epistemic confidence.
• In fact, people actually trust others who appropriately exhibit uncertaintly. People trust you less if you seem uncertain due to ignorance or inexperience, but not if you seem uncertain due to reality being messy and unpredictable. Three ways to communicate uncertainty without looking inexperienced or incompetent:Show that uncertainty is justified.Give informed estimates. "Even if reality is messy and it's impossible to know the right answer with confidence, you can at least be confident in your analysis."Have a plan.
• You don't need to promise success to be inspiring. "You can paint a picture of the world you're trying to create, or why your mission is important, or how your product has helped people, without claiming you're guaranteed to succeed. There are lots of ways to get people excited that don't require you to lie to others or to yourself."
• Constantly revise your views and forecasts, in little ways?
• Recognizing you were wrong makes you better at being right. Most people, when they learn they were wrong, give excuses like "I Was Almost Right". Superforecasters instead "reevaluate their process, asking, 'What does this teach me about how to make better forecasts?'"
• "Admitting a mistake" vs. "updating". Being factually wrong about something doesn't necessarily mean you screwed up. Learning new information should usually be thought of in matter-of-fact terms, as an opportunity to update your beliefs—not as something humbling or embarrassing.
• If you're not changing your mind, you're doing something wrong. By default, you should be learning more over time, and changing your strategy accordingly.
• Hold my identity lightly. Rather than trying to have no identities, you should try to "keep those identities from colonizing your thoughts and values. [...] Holding your identity lightly means thinking of it in a matter-of-fact way, rather than as a central source of pride and meaning in your life. It's a description, not a flag to be waved proudly."

Great Leaders Ask Great Questions (John C. Maxwell)

Basic takeaway - asking the right questions makes us better learners and better leaders.?

The RIGHT questions unlock potential and opportunities, build stronger relationships, and motivate us all to be our best selves. Nothing groundbreaking but come back to this often - asking the right questions and LISTENING to and engaging with the responses is at the foundation of success.?

Questions to ask myself:

• Am I Investing in Myself??
• Am I Genuinely Interested in Others??
• Am I Grounded as a Leader??
• Am I Adding Value to My Team??
• Am I Staying in My Strength Zone??
• Am I Taking Care of Today??
• Am I Investing My Time with the Right People??

Questions to ask my kids:

• What did you love?
• What did you learn?

Questions to ask my team:

• What Do You Think??
• How Can I Serve You?
• What Do I Need to Communicate??
• Did We Exceed Expectations??
• What Did You Learn??
• Did We Add Value??
• How Do We Maximize This Experience??
• What Do I Need to Know??
• Do We Make the Most of This Opportunity??
• ?How Are the Numbers??
• What Am I Missing??

How to Know A Person (David Brooks)

Rereading this largely to remind myself of how to best interact with my children - not to assume I know them (as they are changing so rapidly before my very eyes), but to approach them with curiosity and wonder, and to be ever committed to getting to know them for who they truly are.?

Reminders to come back to:

• Who I am to others (including my family) is who they reflect back to me. “A person who is looking for beauty is likely to find wonders, while a person looking for threats will find danger. A person who beams warmth brings out the glowing sides of the people she meets, while a person who conveys formality can meet the same people and find them stiff and detached.”?
• Ask open ended questions that don’t assume am answer. Then ask open ended follow ups. “The worst kinds of questions are the ones that don’t involve a surrender of power, that evaluate: Where did you go to college? What neighborhood do you live in? What do you do? They imply, “I’m about to judge you.” Closed questions are also bad questions. Instead of surrendering power, the questioner is imposing a limit on how the question can be answered. For example, if you mention your mother and I ask, “Were you close?,” then I’ve limited your description of your relationship with your mother to the close/distant frame. It’s better to ask, “How is your mother?” That gives the answerer the freedom to go as deep or as shallow as he wants. A third sure way to shut down conversations is to ask vague questions, like “How’s it going?” or “What’s up?” These questions are impossible to answer. They’re another way of saying, “I’m greeting you, but I don’t actually want you to answer.” Humble questions are open-ended. They’re encouraging the other person to take control and take the conversation where they want it to go. These are questions that begin with phrases like “How did you…,” “What’s it like…,” “Tell me about…,” and “In what ways…” In her book You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy describes a focus group moderator who was trying to understand why people go to the grocery store late at night. Instead of directly asking, “Why do you go to grocery”
• Great conversations have their own spirit and energy, and they give me energy. Find time to bring them back into my life. “A good conversation is an act of joint exploration. Somebody floats a half-formed idea. Somebody else seizes on the nub of the idea, plays with it, offers her own perspective based on her own memories, and floats it back so the other person can respond. A good conversation sparks you to have thoughts you never had before. A good conversation starts in one place and ends up in another.”