Take your foot off the brake
Ian Browne
Early careers professional - Apprenticeships - Stress & Wellbeing coach for leaders & teams
This is the last article in season 7 of Thriving Leader.?? We were meant to stop at 10 but I was reflecting on some client conversations this month and how it’s easy as a coach to see the flawed thinking in others and yet do the exact same thing yourself.
Sometimes the way forward looks remarkably obvious and yet we’re anchored to the ground unable to move or shift from our lane.
Everything I write about in Thriving Leader assumes that you have more to bring this world.? But you’re also keeping a bit of the good stuff back.??
And ultimately if you’re reading Thriving Leader because you want to improve your productivity, performance or career success, if you’re leading a team and you strive for them to achieve more – then pushing on the accelerator is just a pathway to exhaustion if you’ve also got the other foot on the brake.
So here you go as we reach the end of the season, a simple list of three things I bet you’ve fallen for.? Conquer these and we’re getting somewhere to releasing that brake pedal.? Good luck.
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The sunk cost fallacy
The sunk cost fallacy convinces you that you’ve come this far, invested this much, success must surely be just around the corner.
The lie is, I’ve come this far, no matter how unhappy I am, I can’t throw all this away
If you’ve ever felt trapped executing a path you really didn’t want to be on, the sunk cost fallacy may well be at play.
For some people it comes from parental and family connections – they’ve invested in your education, they created opportunities, you owe it to them to follow their advice and guidance in your career, even if you’re not at all sure that’s what you want to do.
For some people it clicks during their later education, usually the bit of education where it dawns on you how much this is costing.?? And that sinking feeling that you really don’t like this subject as much as you thought you would but you’re going to have to stick the course now else you’re seen as a quitter and damaged goods.
For some it’s staying in a job or a role for too long, believing the place can’t run without me or convincing yourself changing careers means abandoning all you’ve invested in so far.
Doctors are a prime example of this.? It takes supreme dedication to become a doctor.? You’re usually asked to start committing from the age of 12 if not earlier.? It is not uncommon for junior doctors and residents in their twenties to be deeply unhappy.?? It usually kicks in once the long challenging conveyor belt of education and exams starts to recede.
It’s that point where what you have to do is no longer being closely directed by someone else that the feeling of ‘is this it’ kicks in.?? Having come this far, having invested this amount of time and money and prestige into this mission, no matter how unhappy I am, I have to suck it up and get on with things.
The lie is, I’ve come this far, no matter how unhappy I am, I can’t throw all this away
The truth is, every year you’ve lived, you’ve written another chapter of you.? Each chapter opens new paths you’ve not yet explored.? The book of you is not yet written.
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The age-norm fallacy
In medieval and industrial times, when jobs depended on physical strength and stamina or routes to training and expertise were lengthy then many occupations developed age-norm expectations.
This is where society judges people by the status they have achieved by a certain age.
Not so many jobs really work that way now.? ?Police officers grow older.? They might not be so sprightly at chasing villains.? But given many crimes require gathering of evidence online, physical agility is one element of a job.
And yet still society revels in the 30 under 30 lists, 100 millionaires under 25.?? We are enthralled by the prodigy.
Few child prodigies ever continue to be adult geniuses.? Yet we fixate on the age-norm expectation – if someone has or has not made it to this or that level by this or that age then they can or cannot achieve.
And this applies to our wider lives, when we should be settled, find a partner, find a house, have a family.
It’s estimated those leaving school today will undergo at least seven maybe ten arcs in their career compared to their great grandparents who undertook one or maybe two at a push.
With these career arcs being shorter and jumping laterally in squiggly careers, the long held notions of age-norm expectations – it’s not worth investing in this person in their forties as they won’t deliver the value for us before they retire, feels somewhat nonsensical when those half that age have no intention of staying with any company for longer than a few short years.
And yet the age-norm expectation is still prevalent in our thinking and how we behave.
The lie is, at my age everyone has this figured out, there’s not the time to indulge in being something else
The truth is, I am everything I’ve ever been.?? The fast changing world is creating challenges no one has experienced.? I have learned many things, I still have many things to learn.?
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The social pressure fallacy
There are a lot of us humans on the planet, not everyone can have everything.?
From our earliest memories at school we get used to being ranked.?
From being in this position on academic performance to being chosen for a sports team or for some of us possibly not being chosen for any team.
When we leave school or college we may think this is the end of being measured.? It’s just the beginning – for work is measuring you all the time and who you are, what you’ve achieved is mentally benchmarked by recruiters when you want to change roles.
It’s not just the job.? We measure success based on our assets – the house we live in, the area we choose, the car we drive, the family we have, the holidays we take, the additional roles we undertake, our desirability to head hunters.
How we match up to others is ever present and Imposter Syndrome thrives in those shadows of inadequacy.
Social pressure is illusory.? You may feel a fear of missing out.? But you also know that what you’re seeing in others is the best part of their lives.?? You know that they may have taken on a hugely important and new role.? You don’t know that internally they wrangle daily with the dilemma of career success and spending less time with their family.
Succumb to the social pressure and we’re on a treadmill of imagining that happiness is just around the corner WHEN I get to a certain milestone or landmark.
In doing so we stop living, looking after ourselves and we sacrifice enjoying the moment we’re in now, convincing ourselves that I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.?? Every piece of evidence shows not only are you accepting to be less happy now, but when that promotion arises, you’ll do what everyone else does and move the goalpost for happiness to another future objective.
Some may argue but it’s a way of driving me forward, if I keep putting the cheese just out of reach then this will make me work harder.? Maybe in the short term.? Repeated over and over again the lie is unhappiness and dissatisfaction is how I achieve.? Think about it for a sec.
The surface lie is, these things are expected of people in my position and though I’m unhappy now, happiness will surely come when I finally get them
The deeper lie is, depriving myself of enjoyment and pleasure is the means through which I achieve my goals
And if that’s true – how amazing do these goals need to be in order to justify living an unhappy life.?? But rest assured, many of us, way too many of us get caught up in setting goals that we think will make us look good, whilst feeling not that good inside.
The reality is, when you look back on your life, these aren’t the things that will make you feel satisfied that your life was well lived.? Placing your happiness at the end of a rainbow means it will never be found.
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So which fallacy do you relate to most?
It may be one it could be bits of all three.? They are all very common.? But understanding at least one, and recognising the lie within the fallacy is key to overcoming it, finding the truth and a sustainable way to improve your performance, productivity and career success.
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How can I help you take your foot off the brake pedal?
In my coaching I’ll often be asked what productivity tips you can offer, how can I improve my performance, my productivity.? How can I ask more of my team when they’re working long hours already.
But as fast as we’re pedalling, we have one foot on the brake.? Things we’re doing that sabotage our success.? Sometimes things we’re not even aware of.
That’s why I use the Positive Intelligence methodology in my coaching.? Changing your operating system so that you act smarter no matter the context or situation.? ?Trusted by over half a million people and with changes to thinking that MRI scanners can detect in weeks.
However fast or far you want to travel in your career, you know you’ll not get there with one foot on the brake.?? If I can help you learn how eradicate self-sabotage from your world, reach out and chat.
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Take action
You can’t fix what you don’t know.? Click below to take your free saboteur assessment.
There’s no obligation to take this further.? If you want to go it alone, that’s OK.
Overcoming self-sabotage is the fastest and most effective way to impove your productivity, performance and ultimately your career success.
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