To Take on the “Slings and Arrows” in Life, with Grace

If you were in San Francisco for the 36th JP Morgan Healthcare Conference (JPM18) last week, while it did not rain cats and dogs as last year, it was a pretty wet affair with some dry spells in between. I was pretty well covered as I had a good umbrella and a very special outer jacket (for the story on this special jacket, pls see my JPM17 post). But I did notice there were some Twitter complaints of umbrella pilfering during JPM18 (shocking!).

A year ago, I started with the crazy weather during JPM17, and wrote “When Leaving, Always Leave on a High Note”, which appeared to strike widespread resonance out there. So, I thought I would write a "prequel" to that article a year later. Just like the bad weather we would encounter from time to time, it’s something we all run into in life, those occasional or maybe more than occasional “slings and arrows” from co-workers or people whom we work with or interact with. And here, I’m not talking about Hamlet-scale “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” which he bemoaned in the famous “to be, or not to be” soliloquy and which called for drastic action. Here I’m talking about the “slings and arrows” people may hurl or fire at you due to work-related frictions and conflicts. Differences in opinions sometimes balloon to contests of egos; different agendas sometimes lead to fighting words and maybe even some behind-your-back shenanigans. You know what I am talking about as we all have experienced them one way or the other. Sometimes these slings and arrows may be mindless or thoughtless (like pilfering someone else’s umbrella on a rainy day). Sometimes they may be totally unwarranted barrages of fire and fury. Sometimes we are the victims, sometimes we may be the offenders ourselves.

So, how do we deal with the “slings and arrows” in workplaces? It is all too natural we would become upset when an injustice or a wrong is done to us. And oftentimes we also wonder why, especially when we have been trying to be nice to this person, how come he or she repays our kindness with ungratefulness? So, should we go tit for tat, seek vengeance and exact our own pound of flesh? Or maybe being a nice person, you do not want to act out and retaliate, but you hold grudges inside yourself and just pray some poetic justice will happen somehow and someday? Or do we just turn the other cheek, act saintly and suffer quietly?

A student once asked Confucius, “Master, how should one repay a wrong that is done to you? Should we repay a wrong with kindness?” Confucius said, “but what, then, would you repay kindness with? Repay kindness with kindness, repay a wrong with fairness.” (The Analects 14:34). I’m not a saint. I do get upset when the slings and arrows are thrown my way. But I try to recognize that most people I deal with are fundamentally good people (of course, you should avoid those poisonous bad apples like the plague). Sometimes there is misunderstanding or miscommunication, sometimes they feel their opinions or agenda are quite justified in their own minds or by their own experiences, or sometimes there are external factors at play over which neither side has control. So, I try to exercise some degree of fairness as Confucius had taught us. I try to remember the good things they have done for me, I try to let time heal any misunderstandings, and I am also willing to be the first person to extend my hand to the other party.

But more importantly, it would be terrible to hold grudges. The person who has done you wrong may have totally forgotten what he or she has done (or moved onto the next target). But you are only tormenting yourself and slowing yourself down with that grudge and negative energy you are holding within you. Unless it is a serious wound, then you should seek redress immediately, but if it’s a minor scrape or a glancing wound, you should just dust it off, and focus your energy on your own journey. 

Life is a marathon, and we all have our own finish lines. If we were to stop and react (or over-react) to every little insult and injury, then only we ourselves will be burdened by that negative energy, and get detracted and slowed down from our own marathon. To take on the “slings and arrows” with grace in acts and with fairness in mind will allow you to focus the energy on your next milestone and your own finish line. Remember that fortitude and endurance show true character over the long journey, and rest assured that there will be plenty of people who will recognize it and cheer you on…

(P.S. Here is the original article, "When Leaving, Always Leave on a High Note".)

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