“Take A Look At My Attitude”

This piece was written well over 20 years ago when I was still working in an office, for the federal government. I hadn't yet realized my dream of becoming a full-time writer. It's all in the attitude....

copyright 2023

“Take a look at my attitude.”

?I keep hearing this line lately, in varying words. It’s one thing when I read something somewhere, or hear it on the TV or radio ... and it goes in one ear and out the other. But when I hear it, then see it, then read it, then hear, read and see it, again and again and again, ad nauseum, then I figure it must be time to start paying attention. Maybe I ought to give that comment a bit of attention.

Ya think?!

Yes. I think. I should be thinking more often, actually. Here’s the deal. I work a full-time job. I live in the suburbs and commute, daily, to and from, nearly three hours of an already full day. I’ve never been a “morning person” but in the last six or so years, since being diagnosed with lupus, the effort to force my body to wake, cooperate, and not hurt enough to get out of the bed, nonetheless the house, at an hour I might’ve otherwise considered inhuman, has become an increasingly difficult task.

Add to all that ... yes, there’s more ... add to that the fact that my heart is not in my “day job.” Shlepping into an office designed to support the machinations of the federal government, while a noble thing to do and quite possibly someone else’s ideal, doesn’t juice me up. I don’t identify with the technicalities of the environment. I’m always dreaming of how I could better use the time to support my real love—writing. I do the former, my day job, to support the latter, until the latter becomes the former. Yet I find I never seem to have time to do what I’d love to do because I’m spending so much time doing what I have to do. Hmmm....

Herein lies my problem. I’m wasting my life, wishing away five days of every week to enjoy my “reward” – two weekend days. How is that healthy? How can that possibly be fruitful, for either my professional scenario or my personal life? It isn’t, and never will be.

So back to the original comment that keeps haunting me daily, moment by moment, every corner I turn. “Take a look at my attitude.” It’s as if I have a little invisible gnome following me around, taunting me—in a good way, a nudge, actually. My nagging gnome is saying, “Yes, you. Take a look at your attitude. It’s dragging you down. Stopping you from achieving what you want to achieve because it focuses only on what you’re not achieving. And why are you not achieving what you want?” it continues.

Yes, I’m hearing this conversation in my head. Just go with me for a moment. Humor my voices.

“Why?” my gnome asks me again. “It’s simple, really. Negativity! That negativity follows you, goes to bed with you and gets up with you at that horrible hour of the morning. It’s with you on your commute into an office you don’t wanna work in. It’s there with you, every day at 2 PM when you look at the clock, yet again, to see how long it’ll be before you can leave that office. And it’s with you when you get home at night, trying to take care of chores that, in your mind, leave you with almost no time to work on that career you really do want.”

So, I ask the gnome, since he and I’ve become close enough to discuss these personal issues, how do I change all this? How do I make the best of what I have, while I have to have it, until I can work it out to have what I really want to have?

“I just told you,” he responds with impatience. “Talk to yourself. Positively. Take—a—look—at—your—attitude.”

I have to nod. Not so much because I think he’s wise, or right, or that a mega-watt light bulb has gone off in my addled brain and I suddenly understand the better process. No, I nod because I’m finally thinking about this, allowing myself to consider the real possibility I’ve been my own worst enemy and that maybe, just maybe, by reviewing my approach, my attitude, I could conceivably change the course of my life.

Those are powerful words! “Change the course of my life.” Now it’s me using a simple phrase to wake myself up. I feel a smile coming on. A smile is simple. So very simple. Yet once again in this self- and gnome-generated assessment, I’m realizing it’s a crucial tool to use, on myself as well as others, to renegotiate a mindset.

Smile.

A smile is an indicator of attitude. How many folks smile when they’re genuinely angry or upset? How many smile when they’re frustrated or backed up against a wall in a hopeless situation? Not many, really; very few, if any, truthfully.

And that’s a telling fact. A smile should be genuine, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be created. There’s no reason I can’t help myself smile, maybe for seemingly no reason; rather just because I’m thinking about it. Yes, because the thought of smiling crosses my mind, maybe I should practice smiling at that exact moment. The more I do, the more it’s likely to cross my mind. Repetitive. Positive reinforcement. Action follows thought. Positive action follows positive thought.

Hmmm.... Yet another strong phrase. “Positive action follows positive thought.”

The more I smile, the less frustrated I become. The less frustrated I become, the more productive I can be. The more productive I can be, the less the idea of hopelessness runs through my head. And the less hopelessness, the more hope.

“More hope.”

What am I hoping for? My gnome is smiling now. Maybe I should be concerned that I think I can see this lil’ guy but really, that doesn't even cross my mind. The thought makes me smile more. So what if I’m a bit eccentric; it seems to be working on me in the right direction. I’ve created some truly forward-thinking phrases to build upon, to take me through my every week, and to help me focus not on the week’s end, but on the full possibility of the entire week.

Each day is so precious.

I’ve always known this. In fact, some of what’s bothered me about this attitude thing, which has been germinating for some time, is that very fact—each day is so precious and by wishing each one away, for the short 48-hour period at the end, I’m wishing away my very existence. How sad! That said, I convinced it’s me alone who has the power to change that sadness into ... a smile. A positive thought. A positive action. A period of hope.

By doing so, I change the course of my life by taking a look at my attitude. Weekly. Hourly. Minute-by-minute. Every second of every worthwhile day.

“And what will that achieve?” my gnome asks me, even though he, and I, already know my answer.

I smile. My dream becomes my reality.

Key Phrases to Live By

“Take a look at my attitude.”

“Change the course of my life.”

“Smile.”

“Positive action follows positive thought.”

“More hope.”

“Each day is so precious.”

“My dream becomes my reality.”