Take a Journey with Me to This Moment

Edited excerpt from This Moment

It took one moment to see myself for who I really was. One moment of realization. The path on my journey that led me to this one moment fully encapsulated my entire being, my purpose, my key to happiness. But this moment took years to develop to be able to reach this point.

I have had many awakenings over the years that have guided me toward a more compassionate, expanded perspective on living. I can attribute the first grand awakening to seeing the film Across the Universe in 2008. It led me to The Beatles and eventually introduced me to literature and footage of George Harrison sharing his mysticism. 

Consumed by the music of the sixties and early seventies, I spent the first few years of my awakening floating through the bliss of psychedelic mind expansion. I hadn’t actually realized my true potential to impact change or my duty to take responsibility over my actions until I started understanding the mission behind some of our history’s most noble peace leaders.

Growing up in Atlanta, I was familiar with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy: a champion for peace and positive influencer for justice and equality. But it was not until I moved to San Francisco where I became interested in reading his autobiography and literature, listening to his speeches, and diving deeper into his work.

He was one of many inspired by Mahatma Gandhi’s lessons of the power of divine love and peace. At first, Dr. King confronted the strength of love only in the face of conflicts, but after he probed deeper into Gandhi’s work, he was able to find something so much more grand and all encompassing: strength can be channeled through love in all of our encounters. It is the most powerful source of energy that cannot be taken from anyone. The freedom that comes with unconditional love can transform even the most hostile enemies into brothers and sisters. No matter how cruel or violent of a force, love can overcome.

I wanted to learn more. Go deeper into this powerful force. How could I find peace and transpire all my actions from its might? That is what led me to read Gandhi’s autobiography, and what an incredible life he lived! I was very surprised to hear of his origins as an unsuccessful, timid and self-conscious lawyer—really? Was this the Mahatma?

At the time, I had been working for a public relations group that represented service firms, including lawyers and financial institutions. One of my clients in particular, was a law firm representing the fracking industry. When I began researching what exactly fracking was, I became morally troubled. Through all my schooling, I had never learned of the reality of climate change and such activities like fracking that further exasperated the issue. This revelation was happening while I worked through various pieces of Gandhi’s literature, which further encouraged my call to action to take a stand for justice.

Despite my open objections to represent the client (and somehow skirting unemployment), my mind continued to suffer. With eventual understanding from my firm, I transitioned out of the role and found a firm more aligned with my morals—a communications team that only represented sustainable companies, organizations and causes. Early in my career, I still had much still to learn. I soaked up the sustainability jargon like a sponge and gave myself fully to telling my clients’ stories. I worked long hours (not by force, but by choice), but still found there was something missing. I didn’t feel like I was doing enough.

I perused literature on the topic of climate change from various authors. Then one day, my mind was completely altered after discovering Bill McKibben’s Eaarth. I became engrossed in the subject, reading day and night—cutting myself off from social gatherings and friends. I spent all of my free time reading, learning, and advocating through social media on what was happening in our world right under our noses—worse, by our own hands.

In September of 2014, New York City hosted the largest People’s Climate March in history while over 300 other countries participated in similar marches on the same day. The demonstration was incredibly noteworthy, and I was privileged to march alongside two of my best friends who had ventured from California with me to be part of history in the making.

After the march though, a sense of hopelessness fell over me. I struggled for about three months to figure out the next step. I knew I could do more, but how? Where could I best use my skills and my passion?

Then, that December, my situation flipped on its side, as most life transformations are apt to begin. My confidant, my partner, my best friend, my sense of comfort and security made a hard, but courageous step and let me go. Knowing that our paths had diverted, he found the strength to cut the string. For the first time, I was truly on my own.

Over a third of my life was spent with this person, and I had no one else that even compared to the closeness we shared. Being vulnerable to others was not a learned skill so I began writing out my feelings, coming to such conclusions like I would give all of myself to him—that’s what he wanted, right? He said he wanted more of my time, a committed relationship, sharing our daily lives rather than a mere escape from reality whenever we met. So I conjured up ideas like I would drop all of my boundaries—we could live together! In one bedroom, one bed! I had saved searches in Craigslist for loft apartments that allowed dogs in the city, which were sent to my inbox daily—ready for whenever he was going to come back. I would be there waiting.

Eventually I realized that was not going to work. I had a lot of growing to do, as I’m sure he did as well. I realized I had always kept him at arm’s length—thinking I could protect myself by never getting too emotionally attached so that when the day came that we parted, I wouldn’t collapse. I would be able to pick myself back up. Given that mentality, I suppose I did always know we had an end date.

There’s not much you can do to mentally prepare yourself for an abrupt ending of almost a decade-long love, and I surely went through all the stages of grief. Nevertheless, it did not take too long for me to find sincere gratitude for his decision.

I finally had the opportunity to discover my true character without sharing parts of who I thought I should be. I had fallen for him when I was just 16. It was time to explore life as an individual so that I may one day truly find the strength to love fully.

That is when an interest sparked inside of me to explore meditation and spirituality outside of traditional religion—beliefs that had nothing to do with rules or judgment. A belief that by looking within we can see how we are all one with the universe.

I was guided toward a life of action. Months later I was trained by Al Gore and the Climate Reality Leadership Corps to become a Climate Reality Leader, and today I am diligently working to obtain my Master of Science degree in Biomimicry where I hope to one day inspire others to learn from nature’s genius to design products, cities and systems in a way that holistically contribute to—not take away from—our home and our fellow inhabitants.

I realized my purpose here in this life is to love, to give and to protect. I decided to work each and every day to master the art of compassion, and for that, I would need to take complete control of my thoughts and channel every single reaction to one that would transpire from an intention of love. It would take time and much practice; but the door had opened, and there was only one direction to move: forward.

To read how my personal journey continues and explore topics like meditation, developing heathy habits and managing stress, check out This Moment (Part One). I encourage you to reach out to stimulate a dialogue on your own personal journey ([email protected]). Thank you for your support.