Take a Deep Breath Today & Start to Look Past Polarization

Here are some thoughts on how to respond to the election no matter what happens, courtesy of Braver Angels , a group I belong to that is dedicated to overcoming polarization. These ideas give me some comfort going into the next few days and months.

“You only know you have a virtue when it’s tested.” That’s what the leaders at my Christian Brothers high school used to tell us. We’re just two days away from the 2024 presidential election, and our commitment to being Braver Angels is coming up for a test. How will we respond, regardless of who wins? Here’s what I’m thinking about—and my advice for anyone else navigating this question.

The Challenge

While we hope for the best, this may be the greatest test of the Braver Angels spirit and skills since our founding in 2016. How will we react and treat one another in victory, defeat, uncertainty, or in the face of a constitutional crisis or political violence? How do we handle different feelings and perspectives about the election without yielding to the Four Horsemen of Polarization—Stereotyping, Dismissing, Ridiculing, and Contempt—toward the millions of people who vote and think the other way, including some of our loved ones?

How Can We “Immunize” Ourselves Now?

We can make commitments before the election about how we want to show up as citizens after the election, no matter what the outcome.

In Victory

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the very first Braver Angels workshop in 2016. There, the Blues—all of whom had voted for Hillary Clinton—were sad, downcast, and worried. When we asked everyone why they came, one Blue teared up and said she worried about her grandchildren. Many of the Reds—all of whom had voted for Donald Trump—were compassionate to their Blue neighbors. Some said they hadn’t realized how worried their Blue friends were about Trump getting elected. They weren’t changing their minds about Trump’s victory, but they began to change their minds about their friends and neighbors. It was a beautiful thing to watch.

If the election turns out the way you’d like, resist the temptation of superiority. You may feel gladness and relief but don’t lean into gloating or triumphalism. Instead, reach out to someone whose side lost, ask them how they’re feeling, and just listen. Then, recommit yourself to the Braver Angels mission of bridging the divide.

In Defeat

The key thing about defeat is accepting it. We have a system in our country where if we think something is unfair, mistaken, or fraudulent, this can be adjudicated in the courts. But once any court challenges are resolved, we accept it.

Secondly, avoid bitterness toward our fellow citizens who voted differently. This is part of the problem with polarization and animosity: it’s not just in our Congress or amongst our elected officials, it’s in our midst and in our hearts. We might not be able to get back at Harris or Trump, but we can get back at the people in our lives who supported them. Resist this temptation. Instead, acknowledge there are important things to learn from defeat and accept there are reasons for it, rather than just believing the other side is evil.

In Uncertainty and Constitutional Crisis

In this election, we may be faced with some levels of uncertainty—or an all-out constitutional crisis. It may sound far out, but it’s not impossible to think that we could be faced with a long delay, during which we’re left unsure who the next president will be. This could perhaps be the worst outcome for our election, and some of us are more worried about this possibility than defeat. In 2000, we had more than 30 days of uncertainty with Bush versus Gore, and that was a very difficult time for the country. But now, we are even more polarized.

I want whoever won the election by the standards and criteria we set up to be declared the winner, for the Electoral College to cast their votes, and for that person to be our next president. I want to resist some things that I think are misleading—like who won most of the votes—because that’s not how our system is set up.

We must respect the constitutional process at every point, whether or not it’s good for our side. We must put our country before our side winning—and ask our leaders to do the same. And finally, above all else, we must “keep calm and carry on.”

In the Face of Political Violence

The polls are clear: a lot of people fear political violence, and they fear it more from the other side than their own. If violence breaks out, do not defend or justify it from your side. There’s a temptation to say it’s not that bad, that other people do it, or that people put up with something for so long that it’s inevitable they will commit political violence. In my view, there’s been too much defense of our own side’s violence in recent years. Instead, we remove political violence from our system and never justify it, no matter who is doing it.

Secondly, do not brand everyone on the other side as supporting or condoning violence. People will say, “If you voted for this person or if you hold these views, then you are, in effect, supporting or condoning violence.” I believe that’s wrong. I think that’s branding whole groups of people with something they do not hold or believe in. Again, resist the temptation to do it.

And finally, support accountability through the judicial process, no matter how much you might feel grievances are real or justified.

Maintaining These Stances

It’s easy to talk about or aspire to these stances. But how do we maintain them when we’re being tested? The first is through self-talk: recognize your reactions—particularly your strong emotions—and then question them. You might feel upset, outraged, or fearful. Question your reactions instead of immediately going with these feelings. As adults, we’re capable of saying, “I feel like the sky is falling, but is it actually falling?” Step back from the immediacy of the feelings and apply your critical thinking process because it will be more important during this time than in regular politics.

Secondly, seek out like-minded people. If you’re trying to live up to these commitments, then you need other people in your life who feel the same way and whose intentions are the same. It’s much easier to be mindful and intentional and show up as constructive citizens when we aren’t doing it alone. These like-minded people—the people who want to hold our country together during great political stress, the people who want the person who won the election to be declared the winner, the people who respect our constitutional processes for resolving disputes—may be on the other side of the political aisle.

Thirdly, avoid social contagion and being influenced by others’ extreme reactions. This may mean staying off social media for some period of time or avoiding podcasts or TV shows we normally watch if they’re ratcheting up the anxiety, anger, and outrage.

Avoid Apocalyptic Predictions

Many of the ideas I’ve mentioned are best practices from what we know about constructive conflict, but this part comes directly from me. I think it’s important to avoid apocalyptic, end-of-times predictions—even casually. I was talking to a friend recently about the next election, and they said, “If we even have an election.” There are people on both sides that say if their side loses, there will never be another presidential election in our country. For me, that’s apocalyptic, and I fear that it justifies violence. If everything is at stake with one election, one could argue, why not commit violence? For me, it’s important to avoid these types of predictions—even though some may argue they don’t believe it’s apocalyptic.

How do I avoid them? I tell myself we’re a resilient people with a nearly 250-year-old republic, and we will not lose it in four years. We are not a new democracy. Many leaders, both in and out of politics, are still committed to the Constitution. Even though you or I may disagree with them about the votes they took about the constitutional process, I believe many in their hearts are still committed to the Constitution.

Third, I believe we the people will not let anyone take away our freedoms and destroy what we love about our country. When we get apocalyptic, we assign too much power to the people we elect. They become superheroes or supervillains. Don’t ignore the power of the people.

The Long View

We’re in a tough and scary patch now, but we have survived worse. This fever of polarization will pass at some point—from exhaustion if nothing else. I’m old enough to have lived through the relatively stable years of the 1950s followed by the very unstable time of the 1960s. It was a very difficult time, and it passed. Our job is to hasten that passing and bring on the next stage of our nation’s history when we recover the better and braver angels of our nature. When this fever eventually passes, we must be better and more capable so we do not return to this level of polarization and discord in the future.

With the election just two days away, let’s reaffirm our commitment to being Braver Angels and work to hold our country together.

— Bill Doherty, co-founder of Braver Angels