Tackling the Silent Bully

Wanting to quit what looks in many ways a dream job with great benefits and career projections because of a feeling of isolation and being singled out may feel like overreacting. Until you realize that social connections, especially strong ones?make people happier and physically healthier.

Workplace ostracism

The social aspects of life at work can carry different weight for different people, wether its craving a close friendship with co-workers or just wanting to feel seen and welcomed. Inappropriate or stressful working conditions can be tremendously harmful to employees’ well-being causing psychological and even physical strains. Being isolated, ignored, disregarded, or otherwise excluded by others and excluded from group interactions at work is a painful experience.

When social needs aren’t being met, what you’re experiencing is?workplace ostracism: a quieter form of torment that involves a pattern of being ignored, disregarded, or otherwise excluded. It is a common tactic of workplace bullies and serves as a silent weapon, difficult to name, hard to call out, and detrimental to the target’s mental health and ability to meet the demands at work.

Why is it damaging?

Everyone has a fundamental need for connection, the need to belong and feel valued and accepted. When being deprived of this need, you have a direct effect on stress and emotional levels and the overall psychological well-being kind of treatment with psychological withdrawal.

• Affecting an individual’s self-worth and belief in their own likeability and capability.
• Causing sadness, anxiety, loneliness and shame.
• Triggering a reluctance to work or a reduction in motivation
• Or, triggering an opposite effect in the form of over achieving leading to burnout.

Bottom line it can leave you feeling as though the only way out of the situation is to leave.

Why makes it complicated to tackle?

This?omission?of behaviour is what makes ostracism such a difficult phenomenon to address. It tends to be a very subtle and quiet set of behaviors that leave the victim wondering if they're imagining things or reading meaning to something that isnt there. Something as subtle as a change in body language, eye contact, or tone.

Some examples of ostracism in the workplace:

• Being excluded from conversations
• Not being invited to work events
• Ignoring or failing to respond to your emails
• Paying little attention to / interest in your opinion
• Excluding you from important work activities or meetings
• Keeping information from you that you should have known
• Giving incorrect or outdated information

?Why Do Workplace Bullies Use Ostracisation as a Weapon?

Hard to prove, easy to join in on, and devastating in impact, ostracisation is a favorite tactic of workplace aggressors.?

Whether the act of one person or a group, it can include being left off email threads, being looked over for a new position opening up, or being ignored when making suggestions. And the fact that there is no physical evidence of the behaviour and the ease with which the perpetrator can justify their actions, inhibits employees reporting the treatment.

Finding an excuse is as easy as:

• “It wasn’t intentional, it was an oversight on my part. I didn’t mean to exclude her from the email.”
• “Oh, you should have said. I didn’t realise you wanted to be informed.”
• “I was silent because I’m busy she shouldn’t take it personally. I didn’t mean to cause any harm.”

Addressing the issue

1. Asses the situation?– Avoid confronting co-workers in an informal fashion and try to identify the reasons why you think you may be being excluded? E.g. do you come across as quite negative? Can you be quite over-bearing in meetings? This is not a justification for the ostracism, but consider whether there is anything that you can do to try and improve the situation. Decide if it’s critical enough or to move on to the next step, or if it is just a one-time experience.
2. Document the Behaviour - As we have discussed, proving ostracism is incredibly hard, so if incidents occur regularly, write them down. Note the time, location, people involved and specific form of ostracism.
3. Find your people - Create wholesome acquaintances within the workplace away from this experience.
4. Don't let is spill over your personal life?– It is?vital?that you talk to someone about what you are experiencing outside your work relationships, someone objective who you trust and who will provide the support you need.
5. Consult a Mentor - Mentors can be a great guide and recommend sensible advice and support. They can also offer an objective viewpoint or insight. If nothing else, he or she can perform as a sounding board to safely voice frustration with the situation.

While i do not imply that everyone should be included in everything all the time, ostracism hurts, spreads, and has a long-lasting impact on the victim and we need to create awareness. Exclusionary practices enforce toxic group norms and discourage employees from speaking out against ethical violations and injustices and workplaces demand a certain level of professionalism and respect between all members. Work shouldn’t be painful it should be motivating and safe.