Sexual Harassment- My Story and Why We Need To Educate Better

Netflix's Sex Education is extremely funny, it's relatable and it tackles sex and relationships within young people and adults in a great, informative way. Season Two has brought a very sensitive and important issue within a character's storyline, #SexualAssault. It shows how many people can brush sexual assault and #SexualHarassment aside because they don't know what it is, what it looks like or they try to make excuses for the behaviour. The storyline also shows the trauma process for the character in an amazingly sensitive way. 

I was a victim of sexual harassment when I was 20, I was sexually harassed at work by a colleague. It was only one incident, however, there were definitely other incidents of coercive control from him leading up to this, but it resulted in quite a scary situation where I truly believe it could have become something more serious. I didn't quite know the name for it back then, I was never taught about Sexual Harassment in school and at University we only focused on domestic abuse or serious sexual assault but I knew something wasn't right, especially when I was finding myself calling in sick when I knew I was going to alone with him. I remember one day, actually eating something that I knew would make me physically sick because at the start of a shift he stated he wanted to bring my supervision forward to a late shift the following day so it would just be me and him.

I didn't report it straight away but after I noticed that I was deliberately finding ways to not go into work, I told someone and with the support of family and other supportive colleagues, I raised a complaint with my manager. The issue was investigated and brushed aside as banter within the workplace and that I was being too sensitive. I wasn't. He planned the incident, he knew we would be alone, he even locked the room that we were in. He targeted the fact that I had a tongue piercing, he made it sexual, he claimed I only got it pierced to help with sexual acts (I got it pierced at age 13 because I was a huge Goth and saw it as part of my identity, I still do) and he used the fact that I wanted to progress in my role, that a position had come up and if I performed a sexual act on him, he would make sure that I got the role.

I was expected to go back to work, work shifts with this colleague where it would have just been me and him and to just forget it and move it. I didn't, I quit. I felt forced to leave a job that still to this day, I tell people I absolutely loved. I was "lucky" that my manager at the time made allowances so that I could finish off my final shifts without the offending colleague there, that I could say goodbye to my colleagues and the clients that I was supporting. What was heartbreaking though, was that during that time, other female colleagues had come up to me and said that they too had felt uncomfortable with the offending colleague due to comments he had made but they didn't want to come forward because they "didn't want to rock the boat".

This was 14 years ago and you would think that things had progressed and changed for the better but nearly every day I hear from friends about their experiences; when I facilitate training on the topics, delegates will always share their stories and a lot of the work I carry out with young people is still around educating what these issues look like, what behaviours are and aren't acceptable, and where to go for support.

This video from Netflix shows two of the cast members from Sex Education, show creator Laurie Nunn and Everyday Sexism founder Laura Bates. They talk about their experiences, how the storyline was created and why it is so important to speak up about sexual assault and sexual harassment to help inform and educate.

I have rarely spoken about my experience in the past but it definitely shaped my passion around educating and preventing sexual and domestic violence. I have worked with young people who haven't realised that they have been sexually assaulted, young girls who hadn't realised that they had committed sexual harassment because they thought it was just seen as a joke or only something men commit. I have even facilitated training with case studies where one group saw sexual harassment within one case study but didn't think it was sexual harassment in the other because it was a male victim, even though the harassment happening was exactly the same in both case studies.

I have been really lucky to work with an amazing charity called BelEve, who aim to empower young girls and women. They are currently running a campaign called "It Is That Deep" for young people to raise awareness and encourage the call out – of modern sexual harassment. It is a campaign that is being designed by young people for young people to help educate and raise the voice that this behaviour is not OK. I created some resources for BelEve to help them with the campaign that brings forward those myths and allows people to discuss these, tackle them and educate each other with their experiences and thoughts.

This is why shows like Sex Education can help, our young people watch shows like this and others such as Hollyoaks. They are influenced by what they watch and was can use these shows to help educate not just around sexual harassment but also rape, domestic abuse, grooming and healthy relationships with our peers.

Tackling the myths and misconceptions is key when educating around sexual assault and sexual harassment with EVERYBODY. I honestly believe that the myths and excuses that were around 14 years ago with my situation are still very strong within society today, they haven't changed. We still look to blame, what was the victim wearing, why did she smile at him or it's my fault for getting a tongue piercing because that is seen as sexual; and if we're not looking to blame, we look for excuses. Maybe he was stressed, its just banter, it's lad culture or you're being too sensitive. Having open discussions with everybody about these topics helps, we can unpick where these myths, misconceptions and excuses come from, what influences us, why do we make these judgments and the impacts these have not only on victims and offending behaviour but only in embedding these myths even further.