Tackle Imposter Syndrome as a Military Spouse in Business - for good!

Do you ever feel like a fraud, like you're not good enough to be running your own business? You're not alone. Many military spouses in business experience imposter syndrome, that nagging feeling that you're not as competent as others think you are. But the truth is, you're more capable than you think. In this blog post, we'll explore what imposter syndrome is, why military spouses are particularly susceptible to it, and how to overcome it. You'll learn practical strategies to silence your inner critic and step into your power as a confident business owner.

I get it - Imposter syndrome can cripple your business, possibly before it’s even started!?

Perhaps you just don’t feel good enough to have your own business, or maybe you are wondering: “How dare I even think that I can do this? I am just not good enough.”

Guess what... We all feel this way sometimes.

Military spouses face unique challenges that can make us more prone to imposter syndrome.

Frequent moves and relocations disrupt careers, leading to gaps in resumes and a sense of instability. The pressure to adapt to new environments and support our spouse's military career can lead to self-doubt and a feeling of not measuring up. We also can experience isolation and a lack of a consistent support network, which can further increase feelings of inadequacy.?

In 2022, I was named by The Telegraph and NatWest as one of the Top UK 100 Female Entrepreneurs to Watch. I had a profile in a special eight-page supplement of the NATIONAL paper, attended a parliamentary reception at the House of Commons as part of the 100, and was a special guest at a female entrepreneurial conference held at London’s British Museum. Speakers at the conference included fashionista Trinny Woodall, Jane Shepherdson from TopShop and Whistles fame, and Cambridge Satchel Company founder, Julie Deane.

Here’s the thing. Up until my name was printed in that supplement, I genuinely believed they had made an admin error and accidentally emailed all who were nominated for the shortlist.

So, even after getting through security at THE House of Commons, with the police monitoring and the airport-style checks, and the guest list too, I was still convinced that I wasn’t meant to be there and I would be thrown out as soon as they realised.?

Even right up until I saw my picture on the screen at the conference, I was still convinced that they had made a mistake – or that they had perhaps felt sorry for me because I am a military wife – or, maybe, they had been short of people applying, so everyone got a place!

I mean, seriously!? The effort my brain was going to in order to make me imagine all of these things. No wonder I am so tired!

On the last night of the conference, we were welcomed to a special reception in the Egyptian Sculpture Hall for posh drinks and nibbles. I had connected with a few on the 100 list over those few days and three of us were chatting about how surreal the whole thing was. In passing, I had mentioned that I thought they had made a mistake and, before I knew it, the other two had agreed and also told me about their hesitations to believe it was real.?

One also didn’t believe it when she got to the House of Commons and wasn’t asked to leave; the other had to check her lanyard to ensure that they were, in fact, there in real life. I couldn’t believe it! They felt this way, too. And, as the evening went on and the more I asked people, the more they agreed that this amazing accolade at first didn’t seem real and that they probably weren’t worthy.?

So, I guess what I am saying, dear reader, is that even in a room of the top 100 female entrepreneurs in the country, we still don’t feel like we should be there. Can you believe it?!

This stuff is deeply rooted in our belief structure but it’s when we start to notice it, shine a light on it and change our thinking that real progress can be made — so it’s time to acknowledge those limiting beliefs, banish that imposter syndrome and start slaying those dragons.

“Dragons take on many forms – the hardest task of the day, a new responsibility, an impending deadline, or even dealing with conflict – and the trick is to just slay the dragon and move on. Don’t overthink it. To succeed, you have to have the confidence to take things head on and keep moving forward.”?

But, how do you do that?

Here’s an exercise I like to do from time to time to get my head back in focus, and to change what I believe to be ‘facts.’

This exercise was first introduced to me by the amazing Canadian entrepreneur, Natalie MacNeil, and it’s an adaptation of a technique around limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are those pesky thoughts that jump into your mind when things are going well. The exercise below aims to slay those negative, limiting beliefs in order to take you past the fear and towards your best life.?

Dragon Slaying within your mindset

First up, it’s time to look those dragons in the eyes! Write out all of your negative, limiting thoughts – they could be business focused or personal, or even a mixture of the two. But, unfortunately, they generally tend to head towards the same end goal or thought – that you aren’t good enough.

It could be anything from ‘I am not good enough’ to ‘military life makes it impossible to do what I want’ - whatever you can think of, write it down. It’s going to be a little bit painful, but we’ll work through them to get past that.

Here’s my example…

My limiting belief is that I don’t deserve to be part of the 100 Entrepreneurs to Watch. It has either been a mistake, or they’d simply just didn’t have enough people apply so they popped me in. Or, maybe they just felt sorry for me because I was a military wife?

What limiting beliefs are you currently battling?

If you’ve done the above and made your list it’s probably feeling a little bit intense, but stick with me!? But, by the end of this exercise, I promise you that these uncomfortable feelings will be worth sorting fairly early on as a way to get you where you deserve to be.

Next, it’s time to dispel those harmful limiting beliefs – let’s slay some dragons!?

Pick your first limiting belief and answer the questions below.?

Here’s an example to help you out:

My limiting belief is that I don’t deserve to be part of the 100 Entrepreneurs to Watch. It has either been a mistake, or they’d simply just didn’t have enough people apply so they popped me in. Or, maybe they just felt sorry for me because I was a military wife?

1. How does this limiting belief affect my business? I have low self-belief and won't take advantage of this opportunity.
2. Then what happens? I will miss out on some great press for my business, the opportunity to meet other inspiring women, and will not be able to build on this brilliant accolade.
3. How does that make me feel? I am sad, unhappy, unfulfilled and disappointed
4. And again, how does that make me feel? Really sad. What a waste of all that potential
5. And then what??My business will suffer and I will feel rubbish about my business. I have missed out on a brilliant thing because I believed I wasn’t worthy.

Wow! Can you see how one little negative thought that I was there by mistake results in my business suffering and a new belief that I am not worthy? It stems from fear but it’s voiced as ‘proof’ that I am not good enough.?

Now, I want you to go through the same process for your own limiting beliefs.

What is your limiting belief?

1. How does this limiting belief affect your business?
2. Then what happens?
3. How does that make you feel?
4. And again, how does that make you feel?
5. And then what??

But don’t worry, I’m not leaving you hanging with that grotty feeling. In the next part, we will work through imposter syndrome and how we can finally slay these dragons together by removing your limiting beliefs and changing them into limitless beliefs.

Time to finally slay those dragons!

Those limiting beliefs from the last chapter SUCK! You are worth so much more than that. Let’s banish them for good.?

Write down your pesky limiting belief and, underneath, write the opposite as your limitless belief.?

Here’s mine…

limiting belief?

My limiting belief is that I don’t deserve to be part of the 100 Entrepreneurs to Watch. It has either been a mistake, or they’d simply just didn’t have enough people apply so they popped me in. Or, maybe they just felt sorry for me because I was a military wife?

Limitless belief?

My limitless belief is that I am exactly where I need to be. I have been recognised as one of the 100 Entrepreneurs to Watch because of my hard work and because I am good at what I do.?

By this point you should have a list of your epic set of limitless beliefs! Can you feel the difference? It’s about time you felt this good, isn’t it? See how brilliant you and your business will be from now on!

I encourage you to do this quick, and slightly painful exercise whenever you hear those negative thoughts about what you can achieve pop into your head.?

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This blog has been taken from the book Building Business Beyond the Magnolia Box: Inspiration for entrepreneurs living in a modern military world, written by Jess Sands.

Building Business Beyond the Magnolia Box gives you tried and tested tips that will help you grow that business you’ve always dreamed of! Sketch, scribble, annotate and explore this book to help bring your business ideas to life.

Navigating military life can be tough so, as you can imagine, adding a business into the mix adds even more chaos! Jess Sands knows this because she’s been there.

Since meeting her serving husband in 2009, Jess has built two successful businesses through multiple house moves, deployments and operations, helping to inspire and champion more than 1,400 military partners in business along the way.

Jess knows the challenges faced by our armed forces spouses, partners and other-halves because she lives it every single day, but she also knows what it’s like to be an ambitious business owner keen to carve out something that is just for her. A business that can survive and flourish in this modern military world; one that allows us to step out of the shadows that our serving partner’s careers often cast over our own careers and opportunities.

Based on tried and tested methods, alongside experience from her business-owning friends, this book gives an insight into building a business as a military partner, spouse or other-half, and acts as a manual on how you can do it, too. Whether you’re at day one or already an established Milspo business owner, this book will help guide you through the topsy-turvy world of building a business as an armed forces partner.

This book uses interactive and business-focused exercises, quotes important segments of interviews held with various business professionals and gives practical tools that will help you build that business you’ve always dreamed of!

Available on Amazon

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