Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Communications

"The important things in life are rarely pressing. And the pressing things in life are rarely important."

When was the last time you were frustrated because someone either didn't answer your message when you needed them to or expected you to reply right away? It was probably sometime this week. But have you ever stopped long enough to ask yourself why?

You probably said something to yourself like, "Why haven't they responded? What are they waiting for?!" Or in the other case, "What do they think I do all day?! Answer emails?..."

The problem stems from unrealized and uncommunicated expectations.

Let's fix that right now.

First, we need to understand that there are four 'types' of messages: routine, priority, immediate, and urgent. Second, we need to understand the 'medium' we send messages conveys a certain response. If we combine the types and the medium, we can arrive at a common understanding.

For instance, if you looked down at your phone and saw that missed five calls from the same number (let's say it was a significant other / loved one) in a span of 5 minutes, what would be your gut reaction? Exactly. You'd think (and rightfully so) that there's an emergency and someone needs to speak to you right away.

Now, what if you saw five missed emails. Same reaction? Probably not. That's because there's an unwritten (and often uncommunicated) expectation.

So how do we fix this? It's relatively straightforward. We begin to agree on how we view communications and expectations for giving and receiving replies.

That means that messages that are deemed routine (by either the sender or receiver) should expect a response within 2 business days. "Two days?! Are you crazy?!" No, I'm not.

Think about how many unread messages you have in your Inbox. Do they all warrant a reply today? I didn't think so. Therefore, if we can agree that messages sent via email should be regarded as routine, then we can agree that two days is about right for a response.

So if two days is about right for emails, what about calls? I say within 1 (usually the same) business day. That's because most (not all) calls are routine, but they usually require more time, attention, and privacy. So, if I get a call from you in the morning, I'll return it within a few hours. But if you call me at 4:45 pm, you can expect that I won't call you back until the next actual business day.

What about immediate or urgent messages? That depends on our schedules. If one of us is between meetings and busy, then send a text. It can be through any of the IM apps (Slack, Messenger, Jabber, etc.) or your smartphone. We all like to respond to those quickly, and the standard amount of response time is normally a couple of hours (although it's often faster than that). Those messages usually start with a precursor such as, "Got a minute?..." or "Are you busy?" and get a reply such as, "What's up?" or "In a meeting. I'll call you later.".

That means we should be saving our urgent/synchronous messages for Face-to-Face (F2F). This can be done either in person or via video conferencing. Think about it. We've all had the experience when someone says, "Let's jump on a call..." That's because it's exhausting to share volumes of information in some back-and-forth exchange about an important topic. And we want to make sure that there's no doubt, uncertainty, or misunderstanding about who is supposed to do what.

It's also why we get annoyed at meetings and say things like, "Another meeting that could've been an email..."

Now, I don't mean that we should cut off every face-to-face interaction with one another unless it's urgent. Nor am I saying that emails will never have anything important or pressing in them. Taking this matrix literally is wrongheaded.

What I am suggesting is that we adjust our expectations for sending and receiving messages. I've implemented this many times over the years and it works great both inside and external to the organization. Try it and you might be surprised how much better communication goes for you and how much less stress the people in your circle start experiencing.

Adam Cubbage is a Doctor of Organizational Leadership (C), the Principal & Senior Leadership Instructor at Center Point Leadership Development, and teaches Organizational Behavior and Leadership at Hood College. He prepares others to lead, develop, and achieve at every level and helps organizations close the leadership gap. ?