The Critical Need for Critique
Worship is wonderful. Or so we think.
The other night I was sitting at my friend Jill's house, reading one of my blogs to her.
"No," she said. "It's too long. It was over when you got to that last paragraph. And you need to move that once sentence to the top. It fits better there."
The next morning when I came down from the next door loft which sits over Jill's garage and joined her for coffee, she was apologetic.
"Was I too grumpy?" she asked, concerned. "Too critical?"
"Perfect," I laughed. "The blog was much better. And thanks."
Jill"s my closest friend and also one of my toughest critics. That's why I love her so much. I count on her for her insight, her critical ear, and the fact that she is wholly unimpressed with my lifestyle. While she can appreciate what I do and why I do it, she isn't blown away. Rather, she does me the courtesy of placing the hard questions of what I'm going to do with what I've learned from my epic adventure travel, how I'm going to turn it into what she calls "good work," in front of me. Which is why she's my dearest friend.
I don't want or need lackeys and bootlickers to surround me and tell me how wonderful and perfect I am. What an appalling idea. Among the people who did me the most good were my drill sergeants in Army basic training. They were about as far to the other end of the bell curve from adoring fans as you could get. And yet they did a superb job of whipping me into shape, building my confidence and making me not only into a soldier but a strong young woman of character. I learned young that you don't get those gifts from being told how flawless you are.
I'm constantly intrigued by the younger generation's love of celebrity and desire for worship. The implication here is that one gets surrounded by adoring fans. You're never wrong. People study your every move, every facial expression, you fascinate, and every single fashion choice you make causes waves in New York and London. I can, at some level, understand why the idea of this is attractive. You can get away with just about anything, you aren't particularly responsible and no one takes you to task for your stupid bullshit. Well, that is until your popularity takes a turn in the other direction.
Unfortunately, there is a massive cost to such a life, as people like Michael Jackson paid, and so most celebrities who are surrounded by yes men and sycophants. Politicians who do not hire strong right hand people fail horribly at the top when their chiefs of staff can't say draw the line with power. James Baker, a Presidential Chief of Staff to the senior Bush and Reagan Presidents, reported that this is the single most important role for this enormously important and influential job, being able to say no to the Old Man (or woman, as it will be some day). In Reagan's case, it stopped him from going after Social Security, the famous "Third Rail" of American politics. There is no one in the current Administration to play this role, nor has there clearly been someone in Trump's long life to play that role with the results on display for all the world to see. Immaturity and petulance abound and we have a Twittering man-baby as our current leader.
Jill, and a few other friends like her, appreciate the fact that I live an extraordinary and uncommon life. Unlike a great many people I meet who are unduly impressed by my international adventure travel lifestyle, they look past this and demand that I make something of it. What's the legacy, they ask? What's your purpose? Why are you doing this? This grounding is what keeps people like me on solid footing. I'm not impressed with myself either, nor should I be.
One of my favorite anonymous quotes is "If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room." On occasion, I'm pleased with something I achieved, whether it's a big mountain or finishing a book. Then Jill will do me the courtesy of challenging it, improving it, and helping me sculpt it into something for the higher good.
A good manager looks to hire employees who are smarter than she is. If I'm going to live a useful life, I need to be surrounded by people who are smarter and more talented than I am. They will always up my game, challenge me to do better, and keep my ego in check.