The Sweet Spot

Communication works for those who work at it. – John Powell

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As a kid, I grew up watching baseball.? I typically hate using sports in my analogies, but I hope this will resonate with others because the point is not about the sport.? It is about an important aspect of it called batting.? To be even more specific, it is about hitting the ball.? Now to put in perspective how difficult it is to hit a baseball effectively, the greatest of baseball players are successful hitting about 30% of the time.? That does not sound like anything great.? Yet all the names you might have heard like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, and Ken Griffey all hovered around that number, and people marveled at how they performed at such a level particularly when it mattered most.? What made them great was their ability to hit the ball out of the field of play for what is called a Home Run.? To achieve that, they had to see the ball from the pitcher who throws it and make contact in a very small area of the bat called ‘the sweet spot.’? This is the area of a bat where the ball is hit with the maximum amount of energy to send it flying hard.? The better they hit ‘the sweet spot,’ the more likely they are to hit the ball far.

Communication, like hitting, can be very difficult particularly during a one-on-one meeting.? The challenge is not the message much like a baseball bat itself is very easy to swing.? You know how to swing it.? The difficulty lies in hitting the ball, which in communication is ensuring the message is received with the correct intent.? This sounds easy, but if you are a good or great leader, you know how challenging it is because like no two pitchers throw the same way, not everyone receives the same message the same way.? We are not talking about a larger audience where you can be generic.? We are talking about Brenda, John, Tyus, Brendan, Alicia, and Khai.? You could say, “You need to work on this,” and while Alicia might think it is not that serious, John may believe his job is now at risk.? All of them bring different life experiences that require different handling and communication styles.? This is not to say that one must be an excellent communicator to be an excellent leader as there are certain people whose brilliance inspired others to follow them despite their communication flaws (read about Steve Jobs).? Nonetheless, the most effective leaders tend to be incredibly effective communicators.? People move faster and work harder for those leaders because they connected with them on a higher level, and while things like trust and competence also play a key role, the ability to effectively communicate played an equally, if not more important, role in their excellent performance.? When it comes to communication, their words always found ‘the sweet spot’ of their desired audience.

So, how does one communicate on that higher level?? What are the fundamentals of making this work?? Let’s discuss this.? First, I want to note the four common communication styles.? If you research, you might find the four of passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.? This is not what we are discussing although there are clear connections to the ones I will discuss.? The four communications styles I will discuss are ‘Driver,’ ‘Analytical,’ ‘Expressive,’ and ‘Amiable.’? Now I will not go into each generic style in this article.? I will touch on that next week.? Today, it is about the prep work that can be adaptable no matter which communication style you are dealing with.

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Know Your Style

The purpose of knowing your style is very important to the person you are communicating with.? You need to understand that if someone matches your style, you are always operating around that ‘sweet spot.’? However, if you are in the opposite quadrant as the person you are speaking with, you might be incredibly uncomfortable and must work hard at connecting.? Furthermore, it is vital that you realize how the other person’s communication style impacts you.? Just as I wrote about the importance of having a high degree of emotional intelligence (see My Ever Changing Moods), it is important to have a greater understanding of who you are before you can spend any level of time discerning and adapting your style to those who you are communicating with.? Equally as important, you will know when to flip the switch based on who you are talking with.

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Learn Who Needs What

Needless to say, each particular communication style needs to be addressed differently.? One of the things that I learned is that because of my field of Support, there are a lot of people who have very caring approaches to things.? It is that caretaker mentality that makes them easier to talk to.? Or so it might seem.? There are some that I can be very easy going and encouraging, and then there are others that I have to (forgive my expression) ‘hit them on the kneecap with a bat!’? Of course, that would be an HR nightmare if I were to literally do that.? However, this is an expression that I used to explain times where for my communication to be clear, I must be very blunt and direct for the feedback to get across.? Otherwise, no change occurs.? My natural tendency has always been to have a kind and empathetic approach, but I learned that sometimes I had to ‘pull out the bat’ because that is what was necessary.? You know you will have that down pat when you can flip the switch in the middle of the conversation from ‘the nice guy’ to a bat wielding avenger in the same discussion and it is well received.? Additionally, do not necessarily go by what a person says they prefer.? One time, a person said they preferred direct feedback, and when I ‘hit them on the kneecap,’ they asked that I not do that anymore.? I then adapted to what ended up being their style, but I still brought up the bat as a reminder of what may occur if the message was not getting across.

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Be Clear on Intent

Regardless of whether your approach to your communication needs warm and fuzzies or a bat, it is crucial that you make clear the purpose of the conversation.? When there is ambiguity in any conversation, it is nearly impossible to drive a point across no matter what style is employed.? If you are trying to address a performance issue, note that purpose of the conversation is to address that performance.? Make sure it is not intermingled with any other part of the conversation.? For example, you should not be saying how good they are performing while also saying, “By the way, you are falling short here.”? The receiver of the communication might be left to ask themselves, “Am I a good employee or a poor performer?”? If it is a serious conversation, it is best to separate it from everything else.? If someone is not performing well and you have identified the area that needs to be worked on, it is fair to combine that into one conversation noting their poor overall performance and the key driver is the area of discussion.

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Take Risks

To excel in one-on-one communication, it's essential to be willing to take risks.? Some of the best work relationships were built when I went off script from my normal communication style to question a colleague's idea in an open meeting.? I was unsure how they would react to my strong opposition, and thus, we engaged in a passionate debate.? Call it two bat wielding foes going at each other!? The most rewarding part came afterward when we discussed the meeting and found mutual appreciation for each other's perspectives.? The idea was made better because of the exchange, and it transformed our relationship into a very tight knit bond even as our communication styles were different.? Our authenticity enabled us to understand and adapt to one another, highlighting the importance of taking risks in effective communication.

Another time, someone pulled me aside and was very direct in giving me feedback that I needed to be a better leader for my peers.? They knew that I typically did not handle blunt and direct feedback well particularly when it constructively said I was not doing enough.? However, there was a trust established that I understood what their intent was, and they knew I was motivated by the team goals rather than my individual achievements.? As such, I was able to extrapolate what was needed, and indeed, my and the team’s performance went up another notch.? Sometimes, changing the communication style unexpectedly can net more positive results.? But you do not know unless you try.

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Mastering the art of flexing communication styles is akin to finding that sweet spot in baseball. ?It requires keen awareness, adaptability, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. ?Knowing your own style and how it interacts with others is the first step toward effective communication. Learning what each individual needs and being clear on your intent ensures that your message is received as intended. ?Finally, having a willingness to create stronger connections and improved performance through taking risks can add to your overall leadership abilities.? Just as the greatest hitters achieved through precision and adaptability, we too can achieve excellence in communication by aiming for that sweet spot.? Let us swing for the fences in building our communication skills so that we are consistent putting the ball against the ‘sweet spot.’

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