SWEET CHILD IN TIME

“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. ...

The fact, that adults are obsolete children seems to have faded in the minds of parents in Asia. Wishing all that the parents could not do is often loaded onto the child of today. Parents are rushing in to put children into classes for Sanskrit, Vedic Maths, Chess and Coding when their child ought to be playing with gusto and enthusiasm. Small wonder we don’t see children smiling much. Where is joy?

We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun, we perspired like horses running helter-skelter, shrieking and shouting our guts out and no one told us to keep quiet. When we were small our folks told us, “Treasure this time. It goes by so fast.” Part of life to fall down and pick ourselves up, sometimes tears flowing down, but the excitement of re-joining friends in the ruckus was more important than the cry. Shirts torn, bruises on the knee, shoes/chappals soiled in dirt, we all learned to trudge back home when the streetlights lit up, wash our feet, faces and even change into something more comfortable and clean. Perhaps our mum’s smearing Dettol and blowing cool on the burning bruise was the least we were pampered. We learnt early about punctuality – that there is a time to play and there is a time to study.

We played with vigour street games like Atti-patti , Chor police, pakra-pakri, saath gotti (seven stones), king king ( the sadistic pleasure we used to get in hitting another friend with a tennis ball), gilli-danda, antool, pancham puggi when it was not cricket, hockey and football. And these games were purely outdoor under the burning sun. No one wore fancy shoes and sneakers (of course there were no sneakers in our times) and it was not a rare sight to see each other’s torn shoes/keds. We would have to wait for our father’s salary day to ask for new ones.

Indoors? Yes we too had monsoons in our times. It’s not new phenomenon! We played football drenched to our skin or just pranced in free spirit of the monsoon. Our indoor games were Rosh Kosh Singara bullbulli mastak, dark room, ludo, carrom and perhaps chess when were up to our teens. Cards were for the over smart bong kids or cousins from Kolkata. During Bangladesh war we played Yahya Khan Vs Mujibur Rahman wrestling and the ubiquitous pillow fight. In fact I broke my Right hand playing this wild game nonchalant laughing away. Moms hated this version of the game as most often the pillows would tear and create a mess with cotton all over. 

I am not saying that we are successful or really great because we had the innocence of childhood fun and frolic just stating the obvious – Let children be children and not act or try to be adults when they should be having fun and develop their senses and muscles by seeing, touching, smelling, running , falling and in general having to understand that there is time to have fun and time to be serious.

The early moments of a child’s life matter – and their impact can last a lifetime. The process of a baby’s brain development begins during pregnancy and is influenced by a pregnant woman’s health, nutrition and environment. After birth, a baby’s brain continues to develop rapidly, impacting his or her physical, intellectual and emotional well-being, learning potential and subsequently, earning capacity and success in adulthood. That learning of life during ones childhood remains for ever there by creating not perfectionist but Good human – Man and Woman!

The early years (0 to 8 years) are the most extraordinary period of growth and development in a child’s lifetime. The foundations of all learning are laid during these years. Learning and nurturing is not restricted to schools only. Playtime games and evening games before sunset also have a lot to do with the building/growing up of a child.  Getting the foundations right carries huge future benefits: better learning in school and higher educational attainment, which results in major social and economic gains for society. Research shows that good quality early learning from school and playtime/sports help in early childhood development (ECD) that help to reduce the chances of dropout and repetition and improves outcomes at all levels of education and overall development of a child.

Sorry I do not have stories of successful leaders who had to march 15 kilo meter to school or something like that. On the contrary we did walk to school but not more than a kilo meter or cycle to and fro as we grew older. We did not parents waving and waving us bye in our buses and showering flying kisses until the school bus vanished from the sight.

Books! It was a wonderful treat to receive a book as a present from parents or friends for the birthday and it was something we treasured and then proudly exchanged around. Enid Blyton, Nancy Drew, Alfred Hitchcock, William, Biggles got us stepping up to the next level Like James Hadley Chase, Wilbur smith et all that imbibed a sense of imagination, adventure, thriller and Humour. Comics were there as well to create the aura of the phantom – the Ghost who walks……..we did not have idiot box tickling us to glory or the net.

Our parents were not daft to let us grow and nurture without the usual input that we need to be ambitious. Remember natural growth builds desire – which the nurtures a dream /wish that we learn to transform into a Goal and is the only organic way of development. Ambition without understanding a dream will make life miserable in the later years. Because if you did not fall down and pick yourself up you just did not understand and appreciate – Failure!

Some of the most successful child prodigies can be seen hating their parents and ruing the life that gave them all success. They start rebelling against themselves. This is seen in Bjorn Borg, Steffi Graf, Sarika the child actress and many others.

Whilst there is no perfect example of nurturing a child I do have a few tips to share if you wish to adopt:

1.     Don’t create designer successful Children: You do not know if your child will be a successful person or not. But you can surely ensure his/her happiness and Fun quotient during his/her childhood.

2.     Don't Try to Make Your Child Happy: It sounds counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do for your child's long-term happiness may be to stop trying to keep her happy in the short-term. "If we put our kids in a bubble and grant them their every wish and desire, that is what they grow to expect, but the real world doesn't work that way," says Bonnie Harris, founder of Core Parenting, in Peterborough, New Hampshire, and author of When Your Kids Push Your Buttons: And What You Can Do about It.

3.     Nurture Your Happiness: While we can't control our children's happiness, we are responsible for our own. And because children absorb everything from us, our moods matter. Happy parents are likely to have happy kids, while children of depressed parents suffer twice the average rate of depression.

4.     Praise the Right Stuff: Not surprisingly, studies consistently link self-esteem and happiness. Our children can't have one without the other. It's something we know intuitively, and it turns many of us into overzealous cheerleaders. Our child scribbles and we declare him a Picasso, scores a goal and he's the next Beckham, add 1 and 2 and he's ready for Mensa. But this sort of "achievement praise" can backfire.

5.     Give Real Responsibilities: "Happiness depends largely on the feeling that what we do matters and is valued by others," as observed by many. "Without that feeling, we fear we might be excluded from the group. And research shows that what human beings fear more than anything is exclusion." I was given responsibility to get last minute stuff from the grocery or go to the bank next door and bring back withdrawn money. We had to shine our shoes with cherry blossom every day and blanco our keds before PT classes. Today I know the art of having clean shoes after a rambunctious wild game, ready for the next day.

6.     Practice Habitual Gratitude: Finally, happiness studies consistently link feelings of gratitude to emotional well-being. Research at the University of California, Davis, and elsewhere has shown that people who keep daily or weekly gratitude journals feel more optimistic, make more progress toward goals, and feel better about their lives overall. For a child, keeping a journal may be unrealistic. But one way to foster gratitude in children is to ask that each member of the family take time daily—before or during a meal, for example—to name aloud something he or she is thankful for. The important thing is to make it a regular ritual. "This is one habit that will foster all kinds of positive emotions," she assures, "and it really can lead to lasting happiness."

Parents, let your child nurture in his or her times naturally. Do we ever demand the rose plant to bloom Roses as per design. We would have to graft the Rose, wouldn’t we? Would we like to graft our children in the same way so as to make super men and woman? Your Child is unique- do not create clones.

Finally, I really do not know whether we are indeed Happy people or even successful in our own right but the least I can state is the fact we had experienced joy, fun and seasons in the sun and that is one stage we will never forget.