SUZANNE'S NEWSLETTER - FEBRUARY 2024
Suzanne Duc, RP, MACP
Grief and Trauma Focused at Suzanne Duc Counselling Services
Hello to my wonderful network!
Starting over is never easy and I suspect the fear of doing so is what keeps many of us stuck in unwelcome life situations.??
I looked at this concern from a different angle in my last newsletter when I referenced how hard it is to start something new, which is why many of us make New Year’s resolutions to help propel ourselves into desired change.? We need to create psychological conditions that foster motivation and a sense or urgency.? Without this impetus, we often remain rooted in habitual and often dysfunctional ways of being.?
I’ve noticed that it also seems somehow easier to either start over or start something new when we are without choice.? If, for example, we are laid off from our job, our partner leaves us, or someone dies, we are forced to face adversity.? Choice is taken away from us and most of us do what humans do in response, which is to adapt and grow from the experience.
When we have the power of choice, decision-making becomes more complex.? It’s hard to leave the job we find unfulfilling because it may offer a degree of security, both financial and emotional.? The same is true of marriages, friendships, or situationships.? This even applies to weight loss! There is also the worry that we might make the wrong choice, especially if choices are plentiful.? This problem is known as the “paradox of choice” which is increasingly present in our modern world where so many options are available to us.
I can illustrate the paradox of choice or "choice overload" nicely by referencing my last visit to Netflix.? I was presented with so many different titles that it felt overwhelming to make a selection, even though the content was categorized helpfully by subject matter. No wonder my partner Patrick and I end up scrolling through Netflix for upwards of 20 minutes on most occasions when we are trying to decide what to watch!? Half the time he gives in to my pressure sales tactics, agrees to watch the show I want, and then falls asleep within minutes which is his way of coping, I suppose.? Poor guy.
Imagine the dilemma this paradox of choice might bring about when applied to high stakes situations like leaving a job or a significant relationship?? Research shows that when faced with difficult choices or choices that have no clear benefit, our tendency as human beings is to avoid, avoid, avoid.? Avoidance, in turn, causes “stuckness” because it strengthens the fear response.? We never learn that our fears may not come to pass because we don’t try the new things that would disprove the catastrophic theories our scaredy-cat brains feverishly insist will come to pass.?
In order to change, we need to overcome our anxiety and where applicable, the dilemma of choice. Some strategies to help you with voluntary decision-making are as follows:
Define the Decision: Clearly articulate the decision you need to make.
Gather Information: Collect relevant information and data.
Identify Options: Generate a list of possible options or courses of action.
List the Pros and Cons: Consider short-term and long-term consequences.
Prioritize: Define the criteria that are most important in making the decision. I like to rate them out of 10 in terms of importance – 10 being most important, 0 being least important.
Consider Your Values: Ensure that the decision aligns with your values and ethics.
领英推荐
Get a Second Opinion: Involve others for diverse perspectives. This could include your therapist!
Trust Your Instincts:?Sometimes, your intuition can provide valuable insights.
Make the Decision:? Bite the bullet and just do it!
Learn and Grow: Evaluate the results of your decision. If the outcome is not as expected, analyze what went wrong and use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future.
Remember, you and your decisions do not have to be perfect.? Perfection is the enemy of change! More often than not, all we need to aim for is “good enough” until we have the time, energy and resources to do even better.
RESOURCES
I like to share knowledge and this month; I’m passing on a few gems of information as follows:
READ OF THE MONTH
This month’s recommended read does have to do with anxiety, but it is not specific to the dilemma of choice.? Instead, it focuses on the targeted issue of health anxiety and how to overcome it.? In my view, this is very relevant as hospital emergency departments are currently being flooded with patients, and the Canadian Institute of Health’s research suggests that at least 10% of these visits are driven by mental health concerns.
One of my amazing clients recommended “Freedom from Health Anxiety” by Karen Lynn Cassiday, PhD and I can’t say enough good things about this book as a practical, results-driven guide to overcoming this challenging mental health issue.? Thanks to KOK for lending me your copy!
I hope this helps.
Suzanne
well done as always.
Funeral Preplanning Counsellor at Hulse, Playfair & McGarry Funeral & Cremation Services
1 年I like your approach to making a decision