SUZANNE'S NEWSLETTER - AUGUST 2024
Suzanne Duc, RP, MACP
Grief and Trauma Focused at Suzanne Duc Counselling Services
Hello to my wonderful network!
When I was in my twenties, I remember watching an episode of ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’ in which Oprah heralded the benefit of writing letters of appreciation to loved ones while they are still living. This made an impression on me that stuck. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today, especially when we don’t know what tomorrow has in store for us?? As one of my clients in grief recently told me with the wisdom only the bereaved can impart, “There is no time for later”.
As a therapist specializing in grief and trauma resolution, I hear all too often from clients their regrets about not having communicated directly to those they have lost just how much they cared about and appreciated them during the living years.? This is very different from not having had an opportunity to say good-bye.? It’s more about the comfort of a deep knowing that our loved one understood how we felt about them and how much they meant to us.
We may need this kind of communication not only in cases of loss due to death, but also when there has been a non-death loss such as occurs with breakups, divorce or estrangement. It’s rare that we feel just one way about someone; especially if they were a primary attachment figure like a parent or a person for whom we once felt love and affection such as a spouse or a child. The pain experienced in such situations often involves conflicted feelings which have no outlet for expression. We may also suffer if we are never given the gift of knowing what we meant to someone we cared about, even if that relationship has come to an end.
As a therapist, I have come to understand the critical importance of being in good communication with others to personal well-being. Talk therapy has the power to heal and often, all someone needs to feel better about their relationships, including the one they hold with themself, is to be witnessed compassionately with respect and understanding.? While it’s true that there are always going to be circumstances when it is safer not to engage with someone with whom we have had a problematic relationship, my overall belief is that thoughtful self-expression more often leads to solutions rather than conflict.
This is especially true if our communication centers around the expression of gratitude to a valued other. ?I encourage you to consider following Oprah’s wise recommendation from so many years ago. What would it be like to write someone you care about a “love letter” letting them know what they mean to you?? If you are not a writer by nature, you could instead record a video or simply ask to meet virtually, by phone or in person. The point would be to share your gratitude and appreciation by reminiscing about how their positive influence has shaped you.? It could be with a parent, a teacher, a friend, a co-worker, an extended family member or someone of more peripheral influence.? I suppose I would be remiss if I didn’t say this could include your therapist - lol!
I want you to know that I practice what I preach here. I have made a point this year of posting a tribute on my private social media expressing public appreciation for special people in my life on their birthday.? I include personal anecdotes about why I like them so much and accompany my comments with pictures which I feel capture their essence. Unfailingly, the response has been positive and I have to tell you that it feels so good to let someone know how much you appreciate them and to have the sentiment returned. No matter what happens to either of you, the fact that you hold certainty that your beautiful connection was acknowledged can bring such a sense of peace.
RESOURCES
I like to share knowledge and this month; I’m passing on a few gems of information as follows:
领英推荐
READ OF THE MONTH
I’m hoping that your ‘Read of the Month’ will be the letter of appreciation you draft for a loved one. I’m also hoping that you get one in return.
For those who want something more concrete, try “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.? It’s all about the value of recognizing our imperfections as a conduit to connecting with others on a deeper level.
I hope this helps.
Suzanne
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Chief Operating Officer, Funeral Director at Hulse, Playfair & McGarry Funeral, Cremation & Celebration of Life Services
7 个月Terrific message Suzanne ! Couldn't agree more. In my work, I know that many miss the opportunity to express themselves as a loved ones passing isn't always expected. I hope readers follow your recommendation. P.S. I Love You ?? P.S.S. Love the picture you selected too ! ?? ??