SUZANNE'S NEWSLETTER - APRIL 2023

Hello to my wonderful network!

I've been preoccupied with caregiving lately; both delivering it and reflecting on what it means to take care of others.

Admittedly, it's exhausting. Whether you are a new parent looking after your baby (or gulp, twins!), managing a household of children no matter what their ages, caring for elderly parents, supporting friends in need, or tending to the sick or dying, caregiving requires a lot of energy.

And I'm not just talking about physical output here.

There is a ton of emotional energy that goes into looking after others because a good bedside manner is part and parcel of helping someone you love to feel better. I remember reading about a study which found that GPs with a good bedside manner were sued about 10 times less frequently for malpractice than those that were perceived by their patients as being coldly clinical. Not that your loved ones are going to sue you for being crotchety, but worth noting!

Summoning patience and kindness when exhausted is often a tall order but somehow, caregivers consistently find the strength to be present in a loving way. Fatigue can also be exacerbated by sorrow, as in cases when we see loved ones suffering or in a palliative state. We have to suppress our own pain to minister to their needs and this is why it is so important that caregivers receive care themselves.

Feeling empathy for another, while an essential component of human connection and a conduit to psychological healing, also activates pain circuitry in our brains and can lead to burnout. If you are in a situation where you are being taxed emotionally in looking after someone you love who is in distress, it's critical that you have an outlet to express and process your own response. Whether it be in talking to a friend, a family member, a therapist or by writing in your own journal, find a way to get your feelings out. You'll feel better for it.

Any discussion of caregiving would not be balanced if I neglected to mention the upside. What a gift it is to look after someone you love! The smiles, the laughter, the sharing of memories, seeing that you have relieved your loved one of physical or emotional pain, these are only some of the many jewels strewn along the path of caregiving. In my experience, it is also a great honour to care for someone in the way they once cared for you, as would be the case with a grandparent or parent. Reminding them in times of physical vulnerability that you are returning the favour they bestowed upon you a thousand times before is a way to restore their dignity and to reduce your own discomfort. Be tender with them and yourself during such moments. You are performing a ritual of caring and this is sacred.

I'll leave the many of you who are caregivers with a parting message of gratitude. You are the backbone of our society. It is your kindness, your sacrifice, and your daily effort that holds up so many and that elevates you in my estimation. Thank you for all that you do and know that it makes a difference. Even in cases where the one we are caring for does not or cannot express their appreciation, know that others are watching you and are undoubtedly moved by your loving example. Kindness is contagious and I hope yours is catching!

RESOURCES

I like to share knowledge and have come across a few gems of information as follows:

- Article on caregiver stress - tips to take care of yourself - https://www.mayoclinic.org/.../caregiver-stress/art-20044784

- Article on how to be kind when you are upset with your partner - https://www.huffpost.com/.../how-to-be-kind-when-youre...

- Article on pacing yourself as a parent - https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org/.../parenting/self-care

- Article on building successful blended families - https://www.steppingthrough.com.au/successful-stepfamilies/

READS OF THE MONTH

I've been on a reading jag lately. This has been my primary form of self-care as I've been caregiving, both in my personal and professional lives, because you can pretty much pick up a book any old time and read for as little or as long as your schedule permits. As I see it, it's also a healthy form of escapism if you need a break from your reality.

For this reason, I'm going to recommend "Rabbit: The Autobiography of Ms. Pat" by Patricia Williams. This book blew me away. It's about a woman who grew up in abject poverty and who encountered abuse throughout her childhood. I won't get too far into the plot but if you want to read a very gritty tale of one woman's resilience and how she triumphed over her brutal circumstances with ingenuity and humour, this is a tale for you!

For fiction lovers, I was in a used bookstore last month and stumbled across "The First Man in Rome" by Colleen McCullogh. For those of you old enough to remember, she was the bestselling author of "The Thorn Birds" which was later made into a very popular mini-series. This is a book about Rome in its heyday and reading it made this fascinating world come alive! If you have the stamina for a 1000+ pager, curl up, have your snacks nearby, turn off your phone and prepare to be transported back to antiquity. It's a story you will never forget.

I hope this helps.

Suzanne

#mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #ottawapsychotherapy #caregiversupport