Sustaining Improved Mental Health

So it turns out that in spite of me not thinking anyone at all would be interested in reading about me "losing my shit", plenty of people wanted to read my first ever long form article, talking about my challenges around mental health so I thought I’d have another bash…

<<TLDR: Get talking then get fit…>>

I’d like to reflect on what has happened over the last two months or so and how it makes me feel, then talk about what I am doing to sustain the improvements.

The first thing to say is how astonished I was by the reactions I got, ALL of it good. I had all sorts of people commenting and getting in touch. Some key themes emerged:

1. People wanting to say thank-you for sharing.   
2. Lots of people saying what I had written described their feelings and stresses as well.
3. How brave I was and how they couldn’t imagine doing it themselves.
4. People telling me their stories, some people I didn’t know at all, others my close friends, going through things I had no idea about at all.
5. Lot’s of people asking if I was / am OK and really caring about my wellbeing.

Writing down how I’d felt and what I did was liberating, it made me feel normal and was refreshing to have real conversations instead of chitchat… It’s also opened up connections to some new and interesting people that have done similar and/or are working in this kind of area. I’d particularly call out https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/robstephenson/, https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/andy-brown-30a84443/ and https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/chris-cooper-92539278/ who have all been banging the drum for a while now and making a big difference.

Talking about it resulted in several people I knew a little bit really making a big effort to check in and to make time, https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/robnewby/ leading the pack here of being a thoroughly decent nice guy! I’ve made some real friends from this and got a robust and diverse support network in place now. I’ve also been invited to speak at a few events on this as well, notably the https://www.dhirubhai.net/company/sasigevents/ event on 23rd March who are focusing some time on wellbeing in cyber which is a great and much needed area of work.

It has been really scary to see the scale of the issues out there. There are so many people struggling and in need of help and when that’s you it’s hard to see that. Organisations need to take some real steps to help to address these issues #anglianwater are doing this with a big focus on being able to talk about these things and some practical help being available immediately, easily and of course confidentially. I’m not seeing all companies doing this though and I wonder how much this kind of support to employees will become a differentiation of the bad, good and best employers. Leadership comes from all levels of an organisation but its clear that when senior leaders embrace it and discuss it normalises it greatly. My imposter syndrome meant that I hadn’t really appreicated i am in that bucket, but it does seem that way…

So how do I feel now? Bloody brilliant!!!!

I’ve continued all of things I wrote about last time but one of them has had a much bigger impact than I expected.

Exercise and diet (urghh, I know, sorry not sorry etc)

It’s absolutely blown my mind how much impact it has had on me getting control of these two things. In terms of breaking taboos talking about weight is probably next on my list after mental health…. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that how the body is physically has such a large impact on mental state. Back on 4th Jan I signed up (and I signed up the amazing Mrs T https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/katie-clark-76a92ba6/ hahahaha) with a local personal trainer’s diet and training group.

Thanks to lockdown I haven’t actually met Rob in person and he's not on LI but do go and check his work out on Instagram @rhughesypt. Through a real focus on what I’m eating and a drive to get fitter through cycling, the support of our little facebook group and some key inputs from Rob I have really taken charge of this. Being in control of that has provided a central focus to each day, some discipline and the resulting surge in energy and concentration has been amazing in terms of my focus at work. Being able to avoid using food and drink as a coping mechanism is liberating, don’t get me wrong it isn’t all that easy but every day feels easier than the one before. So if you are struggling mentally, get your family involved, and sort of your physical health and reap the rewards. The support of two people doing this together is a real “force-multiplier” and means every time I had a wobble, someone was there alongside me helping keep me going. And yes, I know I must be the only one to get fitter and thinner AFTER the wedding… Never conform to expectations, you should know me by now!

If you like subjective measures I feel better, focused, driven and energetic. If you like objective measures I’ve now cycled 1000 miles this year, lost 33 pounds (so far) and now need some new smaller clothes.

I still have my challenges, I’m easily distracted by email and I’m great at avoiding things I don’t want to do (I’m writing this not my board report you will notice!) but I’m now able to consciously identify that behaviour and “defer and schedule” rather than “running and hiding from it”. My chimp is in his cage and under control again! I think others around me see and benefit from this too. I’ve now also combined two of my own tips by setting up a weekly social zwift/teams ride at work, chatting and training on a Monday night, getting more people in on the act and keeping me on track at the same time. Win:Win

Work is still very stressful, it’s Cyber it just is like that all the time I guess. There is still way more work to do than hours in the day, and the demands upon me have not changed yet now that is all manageable and I feel like I’m smashing it not being crushed by it.

Finally, I promise, my next article will be less self-indulgent and I’ll write about cyber or vendor behaviour instead, or maybe as well… ??