Survivor or Warrior!

Does having hope that life will turn prettier makes a person hopeless or does being hopeless that life will remain dark makes a person hopeless? Sometimes fairy tales turn into nightmares, medicines turn into curses and life becomes a death in disguise. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia is a type of cancer of the blood and bone marrow which affects the white blood cells. ALL patients go through intense treatments like chemotherapy, steroids, bone marrow translplantation and blood transfusions. They are drowned in medication.

It might seem like cancer and chemotherapy is a living hell for them. However, a majority of ALL survivors feel that life after cancer is a never-ending sea of pain. People advise them about how not to die but no one told them how to live their life with hope and a smile.

Chemotherapy causes long and late effects. The fear of being diagnosed with secondary cancer and other side effects of chemo makes cancer survivors terrified and feel uncomfortable getting into a relationship. As a result, many survivors feel that they might end up being a burden to their partner

According to National Cancer Institute research, these women may need more extensive obsteric care due to additional pregnancy risks. For instance, women who had cancer treatment as children were more likely to experience a number of serious difficulties during pregnancy, birth and the time after delivery. Also, there is a minor probability of their children inheriting cancer too.

Even Though they look normal after treatment their body doesn’t listen to them due to this reason. This makes it hard for them to reach the end of their day.?

I have a childhood friend who had ALL. Her life turned from playing in the sand and running around the garden to being strapped to the bed with IVs, ports, pain and tears of blood. The early part of her childhood which was supposed to be filled with innocence and fun happened to be filled with the smell of medicines and the sight of blood and death.

She wasn't afraid of dying when she was diagnosed, in fact, she wanted to let go due to the harsh medications. However, the silent tears of her parents which she witnessed and the kindness she received in the hospital, made her desperate to live. Consequently, her willpower and hope increased her chances of survival.

She used to sit on a bench while everyone was playing on the ground since she was instructed to do so. She puts in a lot more effort than others to remember what she studied due to her mushed chemo brain and visits the dentist often. For a long time, she lived as Tangled in a huge castle.

The sight of running and playing in the scorching sun made her break the rules. Playgrounds, books and dance turned into her soul’s voice. She grappled for inner peace and victory. Nevertheless, it wasn’t a straight road for her. She always had bruises and since her bones were brittle, she fractured herself often. Despite this, she sculpted herself into a tough cookie. She received straight As, medals in sports and extracurriculars and lots of love.

As she grew older and became much aware of how the world revolves, she was in aghast once she witnessed the aura of an open pandora's box made her regret surviving. She was dragged into burning hell by a few devils in disguise. This traumatized her more, she wanted to let herself free and rest in peace by taking away her own life. However, the huge parade of her loved ones and the medical team who embraced her and put in their energy to turn her into a miracle appeared in her eyes which made her drop the idea.

The bitter truth that she looks normal outside as if she has applied layers of makeup crippled her at times. She didn’t understand which was the brighter side, being in remission or being unhealthy since she was in remission. It made her feel like she didn’t belong in either world.

While everyone makes 5-year plans, and 10-year plans to strive towards their goals, she made plans for every timeline with two roads in mind. Which is if she lives and if she doesn't. "What if I die? What if I get seriously ill? Both of us would get heartbroken", has been a constant thought which prevents her from committing to her relationship.

Ever since she saw children on the pavement with torn clothes, no place to stay and begging in the streets, she decided to adopt children once she grows up. The thought of a biological child never crossed her mind, until one day, she realized there would be complications for her to get pregnant. She said, " It isn't because I want kids with my genes, I still want to adopt kids, I'm just fed up and tired of being a fake survivor who might not have the chance to decide. I'm a warrior who has been in the battleground ever since I was diagnosed and the war never seems to stop".?

She has been in between a tug of war for a long time. There have been times she has believed that her hope for a healthy lifestyle, aspiring to become what she wants to and finding self-fulfillment would come true. At other times she accepts the dark side as her reality. She tries to apply the theory of Kintsugi by putting back the broken pieces of her smile and serenity with creases of gold in her scars. It has been a daunting effort for her but she still tries to patch them all up to heal herself.

According to her ALL, one of the biggest bullies, has gifted her with the superpower to tackle any kind of challenge in life. It also made her view her heartbeat in a different rhythm. She started living each day as her last and lived it to the fullest. She cherished the fireflies even though the fear of darkness followed her.