Surviving (Thriving) at Christmas, Sober!

Every year, the festive season seems to suddenly spring upon us like a wintery whirlwind. A magical haze of fairy lights, social gatherings, and the all too familiar sound of Michael Buble seemingly cram themselves into every nook and cranny of society. And I AM HERE FOR IT! I love Christmas; I always have. It’s one of my favourite seasons - if not simply because it’s when I see more people smiling than any other time of the year (and that weirdly includes those sun-kissed Summer grins when people are generally happier). It’s also the time of year when exhaustion and burnout hit an all-time high. Like mistletoe, year-end deadlines at work loom over our heads, combined with a different social occasion popping up more often than Mariah Carey blasts through a speaker, resulting in us having very little time for ourselves to have space and rest. Hopefully, this essay will help those experiencing all of the above, stone-cold sober - and offer some of the coping mechanisms I find helpful when faced with the unique challenges of sobriety during the festive season.?

Interestingly, because I’m so public with my sobriety journey - at my recent work holiday party, many colleagues asked me how I was doing throughout the night, “How do you manage at events like this?”, “What’s it like being sober right now?” and my favourite “Are you even having fun?”. The truth is, I was having a blast. I often see myself as an outsider when surrounded by people when they’re drinking - perched with a bird's-eye view of the night. Yes, the drinks were flowing, but what I saw was all of my incredibly hard-working colleagues having a fantastic time, letting loose and just enjoying themselves and each other’s company. THAT ENERGY is what gets me through a party. Being an extrovert helps in that regard, as when I’m surrounded by people having a good time, I feel energised. I realise now that I don’t need any substance to feel fully buzzed - and when I start feeling tired, and the diet cokes don’t seem to be slapping, I gracefully make a quiet exit. But I always make a point of stopping at the door and looking back at the party - pausing to remind myself that I had an amazing time and didn’t need anything apart from good company, good music, and a few outrageous dance moves to do so.

I’m no expert here - just someone somewhat newly experienced in meandering my way through life and the silly season sober. I won’t rehash my past in active addiction as my previous essays covered that in quite a lot of detail (probably more than I should have - but hey, 2022 was my year of radical authenticity, and it seems to have stuck through 2023 and hopefully beyond). This is my third Christmas in a row sober, and I am so grateful I get to experience life in its entirety.?

My tips for sleighing this Christmas in sobriety:

BE SELECTIVE - You don’t HAVE to see everyone and do every activity that comes up in a four-week period. There’s this strange urgency that comes about in the weeks leading up to Christmas that we MUST see everyone near and dear to us before Santa arrives. This just isn’t true, and you need not succumb to it. January tends to be a very long and slow month, so save some of your social gatherings for the New Year when the pressure is off! Leave some of those activities for when you genuinely have the time to be present (choice of words) with your friends and loved ones. It’s so easy to deal with exhaustion by using, and that becomes a slippery downward spiral faster than you can imagine. The temptation to use or drink is always greatest when you don’t really want to do something, and the thought of a little pick me up will only come along if you’ve allowed yourself to get to that point. I make sure to intentionally schedule a few nights at home on the couch enjoying a movie or series every week - restore the energy supplies, give my body time to rest, and ensure I’m feeling balanced before the next event or outing.?

PLAN AHEAD - You may or may not be as “out” as I am about your sobriety, and that’s okay. Not everyone is in the privileged position that I am in that they can be honest about their struggles without fear of what people might think. But I do urge you not to become an elf on the shelf and shy away from your end-of-year Christmas party or gatherings. Go early so you can enjoy your friends and colleagues before they become too rowdy, and then slip out whenever you feel the desire. I like to always book myself into a morning exercise class the day after a big event as it serves as a reminder that I have something to look forward to the next day, something that will make me feel great about myself for accomplishing - a positive commitment to myself so to speak. Some people call me smug for this; honestly, they’re not wrong. I got to enjoy the party, and I also got to keep working towards my health goals - knowing I’ll be waking up early the following day to do something for myself and treating myself is the priority is one of the many reasons I don’t have a problem saying no to even just one drink.

HAVE FUN - There are so many beautiful moments you can share with friends that don’t involve drinking. Last year, I spent a whole day shopping with a girlfriend - stopping for hot chocolates and scrummy pastries whilst ticking off plenty of Christmas wish lists. This year, my team is going ice skating on our last day of work - an excellent shared activity that I’m sure will end up in plenty of hilarious moments as we slip and fall on the ice. So many other fun activities that aren’t alcohol-fuelled pop up around this time of year: live orchestras playing the scores to holiday films like Love Actually and Home Alone, stand-up comedians making us giggle over their holiday stories, themed drop-in art classes to paint the night away, are to name but a few. Again, you don’t have to do all of these before Christmas - but know that you can always suggest something OTHER than a bar to friends when they want to hang out. I used to go to Winter Wonderland for the beer tents, carousel bars and drunken Christmas kisses - this year, I went for the rollercoasters, currywurst and more desserts than I could shake a candy cane at!?

BE KIND TO YOURSELF - This may or may not be your first Christmas sober. It’s not going to be like any other year. You’re probably not going to be front and centre of any drama and less likely to do something you’d regret. You have the opportunity and headspace to experience every single day fully - when everyone else is nursing off a hangover. I also revel in the joy that I’m not out consuming countless calories in alcohol every night, which gives me a little bit of happy ease when inhaling a Christmas churro, Nutella pancake, or third peppermint mocha for the day. Now THAT is a Christmas miracle.?

REMEMBER WHAT TRULY MATTERS? - Reach out to the people you care about and start creating some new Christmas traditions that don’t revolve around bars or clubs. Being sober doesn’t mean staying home alone; it means you get to fully embrace all of life's joys.? It’s the excited texts from my family counting down the days until I’m home and the friends who carve out time to see a show or a random activity that remind me how loved I am. I’m single yet again this Christmas, and that thought sometimes makes me a little sad. To not have “someone special” to share the festive period with, making cute memories selecting a Christmas tree, seeing each other ice-skate and fall for the first time, baking Christmas cookies or lazing on the couch laughing at the stupidity of whatever Christmas movie is playing in the background. But then I remind myself that I’m not alone and have many “someone specials” to be grateful for. I get to experience all of those moments above with the beautiful people in my life who accept me and love me for who I am.

As I reflect on my sobriety journey, I think about my Christmas two years ago. The day I was accepted into rehab at the start of October 2021, when they told me I’d be in for ten weeks, I immediately did the mental arithmetic and realised I’d be “locked in” over Christmas. The thought of not being around my family and friends almost broke me - but I knew it was life or death, and I had no other choice. That year, I learned the joy of connection - being surrounded by strangers who’d become my lifeline, appreciating the small moments that bring happiness, and being grateful to, at the very least, have love and kindness in abundance.?

Life is meant to be silly and fun, and I think one of my most significant learnings in sobriety is that I have so much more fun when I’m in control of my narrative and measure my approach to those busier periods. Taking these learnings and weaving them into my life each Christmas since has shown me that the true spirit of Christmas is in being grateful for the happiness I find in every moment shared with the people who truly matter to me. It’s in that pause at the exit of a party, having had an absolute ball and not a single person, had they not known I was sober the entire event, would be any the wiser. And it’s every time I make a positive commitment to myself - the best gift one could ever give or receive.?