THE SURVIVAL THEORY AND HOW TO DETECT FAKE PEOPLE FROM THE MOMENT YOU MEET THEM

In my early twenties I had the very bad habit of trusting people easily. I wasn’t na?ve. I was young and had still too much faith in humanity.

When we’re young we believe we have the power to change the world. Not that this isn’t true, in fact if you take a look at the history of the world, all of those who started revolutions that marked epic changes who paved the road to humanity’s future, were in fact youngsters. Then, why shouldn’t we all believe we have the power to follow their footsteps? The answer is simple, because we’re too fragile and can’t cope well with rejection.

As a typical millennial, I trusted people who shared the same principles, values and vision as I. Thought that if you have these three key elements in your character, at the same level as me, then you must be way too similar to me and you must think and behave the same way as I do. But that can never be true, unless you are being cloned.

We tent to view people we like with rose-colored glasses and tell ourselves continuously that this person is a great person because they share the same beliefs as us. We always tent to consider ourselves as the etalon of greatness and we measure everyone else up, comparing them to our expectations. Later on, we find out that this person actually was very different of what we thought at the beginning, and we feel estranged, disappointed and sad. It doesn’t mean the other person is bad (it might be), and we’re Mother Theresa of Calcutta… it just means we’re different. We might share some principles together, but in overall, we’re two different people and we want different things in life.

Every time I got disappointed by a friend or acquaintance, my mom always gave me the same advice “Don’t trust easily and don’t give too much of yourself to people”. She is right thou, but for a person who still believes in the good of humanity, her theory is just too hard to apply in real life. So, I thought to myself, given the fact that I can’t and won’t see people suspiciously, maybe I can find a way and try to minimize the distress from the start of a new friendship. Maybe I can try to measure up the character of a person from the first weeks of knowing someone and value their personality so I can prevent future disappointments. I mean, you can never forestall disappointments completely, but at least minimize them.

This made me think and instinctively I came up with a theory and exercise I would do in my mind, every time I met new people. I started to realize soon that this had really helped me foresee the downfall of a friendship or relationship. This theory would get me under their skin and see things in their perspective. As a result, I would be more aware of their current and future reactions and manage my kindness investment flow toward this new relationship.

I called this theory “THE SURVIVAL THEORY” and it goes like this.

Think of yourself and the person you want to analyze, standing in a deserted island. It’s just you two on that island, no one else. The thing we’re going to break down, is how this person is going to behave set in a very vulnerable situation, in a stranded location enclosed by passive surroundings.

We know, in our everyday life our behavior is not imposed just by our character but by also exterior factors like, our job, our friends and family, our settings, technology, busyness and so on. We act as based on both our inner and outer factors combined. What if we try to minimize the external factors and base our analysis only on the inner factors of a person?

In order to make a proper examination of character, we will analyze three main sides of the human personality:

·       The Good

·       The Egotistical

·       The Evil

To measure these key behaviors, we will hypothetically put our subject (the person we’re are going to study) in different situations. Let’s begin.

1-    The Mango factor

Let’s assume you and the subject we’re analyzing, are strayed in this abandoned island for some time. You checked every part of the island and you are sure there is no way out. Time has passed and you both are feeling very hungry. You need to look for food before the night falls. So, you both agree to separate and search for food in different directions. Let’s suppose here that the subject, has found only one mango and you are not aware of it.

Based on the typical behavior of this person, and their previous similar reactions, how do you think this person is going to behave?

In a situation of starvation for both of you, if they find food that you don’t know about, is this person going to eat the entire mango by him/herself, hidden somewhere behind a bush, or… is he/she going to divide the mango in half with you? If you believe that they will sure divide the mango, then this might give you evidence of their goodwill and kindness indicator. This translates to “This person is a good person and have the decency to give you some of their food and not let you die”. This doesn’t mean they’re not evil though. They might want you alive for different reasons, that we unfortunately can’t manage to analyze on this experiment.

Keep in mind that the experiment is conducted in extreme living conditions, and the behavior reaction assumed, gives us an idea to potentiality value the good side of this person.

2-    The Escape factor

Now let’s assume you were at sleep, while the subject has been searching around the island and found a way out. Maybe they discovered that the island is in fact a peninsula and you both might soon get back to civilization safe.

Based on the typical behavior of this person, and their previous similar reactions, how do you think this person is going to behave?

Are they going to run to you, wake you up and tell you about the way of escape, or… are they just gonna follow the trail by themselves and abandon you in the island?

If you think they will take you with them, that is an indicator of a low level of egoism, which is a very good thing. They did not think only about themselves and their safety, but also yours too.

If you think the person will definitely leave you on that island and escape by their own, it’s not an indicator of an evil person. It just shows that this person is not to be trusted completely cause they see and do things only for their own good. They don’t hate you; they just don’t care about you. They might probably think that sooner or later you would also find the trail and eventually escape from the island just as they did.

3-    The Crocodile factor

This is the factor that allows us to explore the evil side of the personality of a subject.

Let’s continue our assumption by imagining another situation. You and our subject are searching for a way out of the island and suddenly encounter a pond filled with crocodiles. Your foot slips and you hang on a thin branch of tree and you could fall in the crocodile’s pond at any second.

Based on the typical behavior of this person, and their previous similar reactions, how do you think this person is going to behave?

Are they going to push you to the crocodiles or… are they going to grab your hand and save you?

If they save you, it doesn’t imply anything special, just confirms the human instinct that is triggered during a dangerous situation, and shows an act of a normal behavior.

If they push you, then… “Huston we have a problem”. This is a clear indicator that this person is not just disloyal, but also a bad person. Their evil side and hatred is more powerful then the good and human side. You should stay away from this person in real life and try not to befriend them ever. Even if they sometimes smile or act friendly toward you.

In order for the experiment to be completed, you have to play the three factors (scenarios) in your mind. If the answers to the main questions of each factor are : Yes they will divide the mango; Yes they will tell me about the way of escape; and no they will never push me to the crocodiles - then you're very aware in your subconscious that this person is a very good one.

If your answers differ from the above, or you feel a bit unsure about the right answers, then you might want to be a little more attentive in their presence and observe their actions, words and behavior. Try to look at them in a different light.

This is a hypothetical experiment that I applied for some years now in my mind. And let me tell you that, it has not just helped me with minimizing my disappointments by lowering my expectations that I have of people, but also softened my post delusion reaction and changed the way I see people now. This doesn’t mean I don’t trust people anymore… that can never happen. Cause I still wear those rose-colored glasses whenever I meet someone kind and friendly, but now I can see more clearly through them.

I tried this experiment with my colleagues two years ago. What amazed me was the fact that all of us ended up with the same conclusions about every one of us and those conclusions resulted to be true even in real life. I’m not saying the results of this experiment are 100% accurate in real life and that this is the ultimate theory of behavior (how awesome it would be if it is), but it is an hypothetical method that will help you understand not just your friends or colleagues and the future of these relationships you have with them, but also get to understand yourself more and find out if you’re more the type of the kind-mango-bro, or the cruella-of the crocodiles.