Survival

How have you been?!

The past two weeks have been such a ride for me, continuing with a deep-work project, coaching clients, onboarding new ideal ones, watching my porch project taking a good shape, and of course, being silly with my kids as well ;) Oh, I also attended a 99th birthday party!

In this letter, let's talk about a crucial skill we all need to not only survive but also thrive in our work and life.

According to Rick Hanson, our ancestors could make two kinds of mistakes: (1) thinking there was a tiger in the bushes when there wasn’t one and (2) thinking there was no tiger in the bush, when there actually was one. The cost of the first mistake was needless anxiety, while the cost of the second one was death.

Consequently, we evolved to make the first mistake a thousand times to avoid making the second mistake even once. In general, the default setting of the brain is to?over-estimate threats,?under-estimate opportunities?and?under-estimate resources?both for coping with threats and for fulfilling opportunities.?

This?survival state often manifests in many ways:

• After many years stepping back from our career to tend to our family, we might grab any job that comes our way to later suffer from boredom, burnout, and waste of talents. The survival state doesn't allow us to reflect on who we are, who we want to become and what we truly desire, in order to make a thoughtful, strategic and smart career move.
• After sometimes trying to climb up the ladder in an organization, we might keep fighting more for internal promotion just to keep being pushed back, leading to feelings of desperation. The survival state doesn't allow us to have a bigger picture, stand in our power and explore the many even better opportunities out there waiting for us.
• Faced with high childcare costs, we might decide to care for our children full-time, later, in a few years, secretly regretting not using our brains, feeling insecure, and losing our confidence (unless childcare cost is not the sole reason; I myself was in the gray area for a year twice when my kids were younger, and I had a path that I could slowly build at my own pace while enjoying my children). The survival state doesn't allow us to see that the time loss for us to grow professionally can't be claimed back while money can always be renewed.??
• When hiring support, whether a babysitter, a doula, a general contractor, or a coach / therapist, we might choose the lower cost option. The survival state doesn't allow us to see that such decisions often lead to duct-taped solutions that won't bring us the results we truly want, wasting time and money.

It could manifest in small ways as well:

• Our child spills the milk on the floor, messes up the toilet paper, and we might snap them instantly, out of instinct. The survival state doesn't allow us to see that it is not a life-threatening danger at all and that it's an opportunity to connect with them, teach them some important skill, and even be creative with our them.
• Our husband stonewalls us or gives us some feedback, and we might think we are not worthy of love and keep ruminating. The survival state doesn't allow us to go deeper into the real reason for his response and use that as a light to uplevel our connection and better our partnership.?

Knowing this about the brain is powerful, as you can start to train it by observing when it sends you to the survival state. From there, you can begin reprogram your brain's negativity bias.

1. Get calm: Knowing that as long as you can breathe, you can take control of your life and make it better. Usually, walking in nature and immersing in the sounds, sights and smell around me help me feel lighter. I describe them in words, which helps retrieving the energy back to my prefrontal cortex, allowing clearer thinking.

2. Reframe your thoughts to take back your power: Ask yourself:

• Who do I want to be in this situation (empathetic, kind, visionary...)?
• What natural qualities do I want to bring to it (relatedness, resourcefulness, creativity...)?
• If I am to make decisions based on the future I deeply want, instead of fear, what does it look like? What is the decision I truly want to make now so in the years to come, I don't regret, knowing that time is not to be reclaimed?

3. Start hardwiring new beliefs by taking the right action: What is the very next action step for me to take to be that person in this situation?

I hope you find this somehow helpful?

I bet that the more you could be the boss of your brain and the more you could bring it back to its responsive mode, the more magic you could see in your one precious life.

Enjoy your weekend and see you in two weeks' time!

Onwards to Happiness Infinity,

Amy Nguyen

P. S. Sharing with you a little corner in NYC, where I hardwired lots of happiness and worked on my manuscript a recent summer day.?

#happiness #success #peakperformance #burnout #braintraining #neuroscience #leadership #career #careerhappiness #careersuccess #workingmothers