Surrender Versus Control – Are We Slaves To Insignificance?

This week I drove from Melbourne to my parents retreat at Paradise Beach. It’s a beautifully remote part of Australia situated along the Ninety Mile Beach – a rugged and remote stretch of the Eastern Victoria coastline. It’s a magical place, and whenever I am there, I make a habit of mornings walks and watching the sunrise over the water. Weather permitting, I also sit on the beach for hours at night watching the stars, which is a wonder to behold because there’s no light pollution.

The ocean’s pull is significant throughout my life, and at almost 53 years of age it is the backdrop for my most indelible memories. In many ways, its contrasting states of rage and serenity mirror the relationship with my parents over the years – turbulence fuelled by love and loss – a reminder of who we are, what we’ve survived, and of the newfound acceptance we’ve discovered that enables us to simply ‘be’ together without judgment. For me, the ocean is the one constant – the place where I feel most vital and grounded – where life’s concerns and uncertainty come into perspective – dissolving in the consistent ebb and flow of the tide. 

The exploration of self is inextricably interwoven with the unfolding of one’s life, and it is common for this contemplation to be more prescient when we are in nature. At this time of year (and what a year it’s been!) I usually reflect upon three things: who I am, how I live, and my legacy, then set my intention for the new year based on my answers to these questions. I haven’t always been this mindful, and for many years, I unconsciously ‘did life’ and sought to counter the instability of my childhood by creating a world free from fear – a world that is controllable, predictable and definable. Needless to say, it was exhausting – like trying to fill an endless void of unhappiness. Through surrender, I’ve come to realise that it is actually my agility with uncertainty and ultimately – who I am and what I do when plans go to sh#t – that controls the quality of my life.

As I wrote last week, we repeat until we resolve. We are hardwired as humans to panic in certain situations, and with so much instability in the world right now, it is easy to become consumed by fear. In other words, our energy and attention get derailed when we instinctually go into survival mode, attempting to maintain that which creates comfort. Thus, we are at even greater risk of becoming slaves to insignificance – the clothes we wear, the cars we drive, the houses we live in, the careers we strive for, what other’s think, whether people will like us – we go around and around endlessly. And for what? That’s not to say cars, houses, and people are insignificant. Rather, getting some distance from these things and perspective is key. 

Michael A. Singer writes in The Untethered Soul – The Journey Beyond Yourself, “Walk outside on a clear night and just look up into the sky. You are sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Though you can only see a few thousand stars, there are hundreds of billions of stars in our Milky Way Galaxy alone. In fact, it is estimated that there are over a trillion stars in the Spiral Galaxy. And that galaxy would look like one star to us, if we could even see it. You’re just standing on one little ball of dirt and spinning around one of the stars.”

As 2020 comes to close, instead of going in search of more, of better, of happier, I invite you to ground and get clarity on the following three things, then set intention for a vital 2021.

1.     Who you are – your identity; your emotional and spiritual growth and self-mastery?

2.     Your lifestyle and what freedom means for you – what you love, who you love, and how you play?

3.     Your legacy – the impact you create for loved ones and future generations?

Until next time...

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About Stephen Scott Johnson

Stephen is obsessed with helping people excel beyond their limits. He is the best-selling author of Emergent – an essential guide for conscious leadership. With more than two decades of global experience spanning public and private sector, Stephen's work includes large-scale transformation agendas, design and implementation of social movements to build engagement, helping teams identify their purpose, and mentoring senior leaders to be better versions of themselves. Clients rave about his ability to quickly identify and resolve what’s getting in the way of success, elevating them to the highest levels of personal and professional leadership. Download Stephen's full bio here

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• The You in Us – Become Something More, Not Something Else