Surrender is the other way...

After learning I had breast cancer (https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/different-choice-beyond-surviving-without-battle-meagan-o-leary), declaring sovereignty over my healing was the first step in my journey towards thriving and healing. Before long, as this journey took twists and turns I could neither anticipate nor control, I also learned where to surrender.

Upon discovering breast cancer in my right breast in March 2018, the next step was to run an MRI to assess the full extent is of the disease. This led to an unexpected twist: The MRI and subsequent biopsy identified Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS), or non-invasive breast cancer inside the milk ducts of my left breast. Specifically, the invasive cancer in my right breast was ER/PR negative and HER2 positive, and the DCIS in my left breast was ER/PR positive and HER2 negative. Put more simply, if this were bingo, I would have filled my card.

With this news, I needed to decide on next steps. After talking with my breast surgeon about the extent of the situation, I realized I was going to lose both of my breasts and have a double mastectomy. A clear, yet difficult choice for me was to forego breast reconstruction. I knew this was the best choice for me, even as I knew few women choose this path. As I considered my options, I could not fathom going through surgery to remove disease from my body only to then replace it with another substance. Also, I wanted to limit the physical impact on my body from additional surgery, infections, and potential issues in the future from implants. With this decision made, I asked my surgeon how much time I had before I should have the surgery. She gave me two months.

Two months. I had two months before surgery, and I wanted to focus this time on preparing physically and emotionally. My friends, family and coworkers were all extremely supportive during this time. For further support, I sought out alternative and systemic practices. In my search, I found an Ayurveda practitioner who introduced me to gratitude practice, self-massage, and use of essential oils. She also suggested books by Joe Dispenza on how we can rewire our brains and recondition our bodies to make lasting changes.

While delving into Joe's videos, books and online course, I learned he was going to be in Los Angeles at the Agape Revelation 2018 event with Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith (Reverend Michael). Reverend Michael is known for being one of the teachers in The Secret (2006), a movie about the law of attraction. Coincidentally, I had been listening to Rev Michael’s book Life Visioning: A Transformative Process for Activating Your Unique Gifts and Highest Potential (2013); it seemed like a sign that I should go to Los Angeles and meet these two amazing men. Learning the theme for the event was “Now is the WHEN and surrender is the WAY” offered final confirmation. So, surrender I did, flying to Los Angeles in April to attend the three-day event.

Agape Revelation 2018 featured several speakers, including Kelly Noonan Gores. Noonan Gores wrote, produced and directed Heal, a documentary about how our thoughts, beliefs and emotions affect our health. It featured both Reverend Michael and Joe Dispenza. Watching Heal, I came to more fully appreciate how thoughts, beliefs and emotions impact health and healing. Heal also confirmed my hunch that we are not victims of rigid genes, nor should we buy into frightening prognosis and outcomes. We all have control over our health, and the human body has an extraordinary ability to heal.

While at Agape Revelation, I also spoke with Joe Dispenza about my health challenge. Thanks to that conversation, I was able to see my post-surgery path—one focused on continuous healing fueled by intention and heart coherence (more on this in future articles). I was also able to spend time with Reverend Michael, when he looked into my eyes and held his hands over my heart. It may have been 20 seconds…or 5 minutes that we stood in silence. Then, he opened his eyes, leaned towards me and said, “You are strong. You are going to live a long life!” I believed him.

Attending Agape Revelation manifested in a magical and synchronous way. It taught me to surrender to believing in myself with all the twists, turns and unknowns. It opened me up to trusting myself and trusting in my intuition to find MY path…all the while being open to what is seeking to emerge in the process. The experience taught me to surrender:

“Our body temple is designed to heal in every moment. All we need to do is get out of the way.”

-Kelly Noonan Gores, Writer, Producer, Director of Heal (2017)

A big thank you to Jaci and Holly, my Agape buddies. I appreciate all of your support and I love knowing you:

REFERENCE

Beckwith, Michael Bernard. Life Visioning: a Transformative Process for Activating Your Unique Gifts and Highest Potential. Sounds True, 2013.